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When does it start getting easier....

(9 Posts)
princessconsulabananahammock Sun 30-Aug-20 00:58:12

I’ve done the non contact (bar a slip up a few weeks ago) and will not be doing that again. However when does getting over someone get easier? I still can’t get him out of my head! Sometimes I think how will I get through today. I still love him. This is so hard. One of the hardest things I have had to do. sad

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DoWahDiddy Sun 30-Aug-20 01:15:28

It's all chemicals. You've had a dopamine shot. You're on the come down. That's the reality.

SissyLongStockings Sun 30-Aug-20 03:15:36

It can take a long long time op. It's very difficult and a very painful process the road to recovery. Can you go away for a while? Stay at a friend's somewhere, different for a while. A change of scenery will do you the world of good. Focus on you and kids if you have any? You need to find a way of taking those rose tinted glasses off about this man and that will come with time. I personally feel that no contact is the route to go down if you don't want them back full stop- depending on the man and how stubborn he is. If he wants to get in touch he will. But never under value yourself in any way. Never be his 2nd option. You do need space away from him to heal. And refocus on you. Cry, mourn what could have been. Get angry, hate, replay it all back, rewrite parts of it in your mind. Heal. Laugh, keep busy, meditate, eat well. Join Tinder do all these things and more to take your mind off him. Dwelling on the past, haunted by the future that never was is no way for anyone to live. Create your own future, shape your own life, one where you are strong, independent, fierce- a worthy woman to behold. Then, and only then will Mr. Right enter your life and it will be your ex who will be crying in to his pillow at night. I wish you the very best and hope your heart mends soonflowers

IncrediblySadToo Sun 30-Aug-20 03:24:35

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's horrible!!

How long were you together?
Why did you split up?

princessconsulabananahammock Sun 30-Aug-20 11:00:16

Thank you all. @SissyLongStockings I know you are right. The funny thing is what you have just said to me I always say to friends in the same or similar situation. It’s so hard to take you own advice. So very hard. I have no kids. In my 40s live on my own and feel very isolated from people. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. At the moment dating wise no one would have a chance and I feel it’s unfair on any guys when I am so hung up on him. Worst thing is he has moved on. I need to get a grip.

@IncrediblySadToo it’s a complicated situation. More of an EA where we did sleep together. Been going on about 4 years. I know, I know. Pathetic right. The whole situation just was handled very badly. The worst thing is he is actually a really great guy. And I’m not just saying that. The whole thing was just a train crash waiting to happen. Don’t want to say much more without being too outing. I just want this all to pass.

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IncrediblySadToo Sun 30-Aug-20 11:41:08

Oh that makes it really difficult too if he hasn't done something unforgivable!

It hurts SO much.

What I found helped was knowing I'd gotten over it before & I would again, I just had to ride the shitty wave of pain.

Plus, obviously something was stopping you from being a 'proper couple' or you would have been, maybe think about that dude if things a bit more.

It's just shit though 🌷

princessconsulabananahammock Sun 30-Aug-20 12:12:21

@IncrediblySadToo it’s very shit. At the moment I feel as if I will never get over this. I know I will. Just feel as if I am standing at the bottom of a huge mountain and I don’t have the strength to climb it. And I need to. For me. I just hope one day I find someone who for once in my life will love me back.

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SissyLongStockings Sun 30-Aug-20 13:05:34

I'm currently going through it and there have been some very dark days, and at the very beginning crikey I can't even begin to tell you how low I was feeling. But it's been four months. I did NC and for me I think that did more harm than good. But then again looking back I don't think he ever really loved me at all-although he jumped through a lot of hoops for us to be together. Very very believable. I don't think of him every second of the day now and my priorities are shifting to more important things. I went away for the weekend and I barely thought of him at all because I was busy. It was nice for my brain to have a rest from him. So time is the healer here my lovely. Some men are very good con artists making you believe something when it doesn't really exist. Making you invest in a world which isn't real. Illusionist's the lot of them. But you will be strong when you have to be. You will find a way. You won't forget him but he won't be an important factor in your life like he is now. I'm late thirties and I fear I will never meet anyone but I do know I'm not ready for that. I did join tinder and it was nice to get some attention from the opposite sex but I'm not ready yet. But I will be one day....and so will you. Keep your chin up, us ladies are made of strong stuff. One day at a time,one step at a time.flowers

princessconsulabananahammock Sun 30-Aug-20 13:32:55

@SissyLongStockings flowers Strength and power to us both. True words.

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