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New relationship advice please

(5 Posts)
Belinda1205 Sun 30-Aug-20 00:03:53

Hi all - I need some advice please. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man and have been for 7 months now. We'd only been on 2 dates before lockdown and he moved in with me in March. We have loads in common, laugh all the time, great sex etc. However, his partner of three years died suddenly only a few months before we started dating (no children and they didnt live together). I understand he is still grieving and I have tried my best to support him and understand that he will always love her. She sounds like a wonderful person. I often tell him I love him but he says he can't say it back to me (although he is incredibly affectionate and loving). I also understand this. What I find difficult is that he keeps me secret from friends and his partner's family and it makes me feel like I'm his guilty secret and he's embarrassed to tell any of them about me. He's talked about us buying a house together but I don't feel like this is something we could possibly do until he 'comes out' as it were regarding our relationship. Should I talk to him about how this makes me feel or just continue to enjoy our relationship for what it is? Thanks so much.

OP’s posts: |
Anordinarymum Sun 30-Aug-20 00:09:04

He's probably embarrassed about it in case these people take offence that he moved on so quickly.

Just enjoy the relationship for what it is

NotaCoolMum Sun 30-Aug-20 00:21:20

There are SO many red flags here Op

“We'd only been on 2 dates before lockdown and he moved in with me in March. “🚩 (WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!)

“he is still grieving “🚩

“I often tell him I love him but he says he can't say it back to me “ 🚩(THEN HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU)

“he keeps me secret from friends and his partner's family” 🚩 (YOU SAY YOU FEEL LIKE A SECRET BECAUSE YOU ARE A SECRET!!!)

“He's talked about us buying a house together “🚩

🚩🚩🚩DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN THAT YOU’VE ONLY KNOWN A FEW MONTHS AND WHO KEEPS YOU A SECRET AND CANT SAY HE LOVES YOU BACK!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩

NotaCoolMum Sun 30-Aug-20 00:30:28

One more thing... “his partner of 3 years died suddenly only a few months before we started dating” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩!!!!!! You are his distraction OP. I do feel sorry for him as it must have been a massive shock and he’s rightfully grieving. But I also feel sorry for you because you are being used as a distraction from his grief. This is not good for either of you. PLEASE be careful.

Dollyrocket Sun 30-Aug-20 01:04:13

Wow, this really is a red flag convention!

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