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Should I run now?

(10 Posts)
GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain Sat 29-Aug-20 09:33:26

Split up with exdh end of last year. Made a promise to myself that I didn’t want a relationship again and I still don’t. I did miss sex though as I hadn’t had sex with exdh in years.

I met a really nice guy through a mutual friend. We were just chatting for a few months then started meeting up every couple of weeks from about July. He lives 2 hours away which is a bit of a ball ache. He’s really lovely, ridiculously clever and funny, amazing in bed and now I fucking like him.

We both went into this saying we just wanted a friends with benefits situation and I think that is all I still want. He’s made it clear that he’s not interested in seeing anyone else and although I’m not seeing anyone else either, and don’t want to see anyone else, I haven’t told him this.

I really, really don’t want to like someone to the point where if they left it would hurt me. I think at this point I could just call it a day and it would all be fine but each time I see him I like him more 🙄. I also don’t understand why he’d want to see me as he’s way out of my league. But then again, in the future if I do want a relationship with someone and I’ve just decided not to carry on seeing a really lovely, kind, funny man in case I get hurt and I end up with one of the men holding a fish from Tinder instead, that would be shit too.

Please someone tell me what to do with my life.

OP’s posts: |
Palavah Sat 29-Aug-20 09:35:23

Do you actually only want a FWB situation, or are you just trying to protect yourself emotionally?

GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain Sat 29-Aug-20 10:03:21

Just protecting myself emotionally, I think. Not sure an actual relationship would work anyway as he lives so far away. It works quite nicely at the moment as I see him EOW while exdh has kids, so it distracts me from feeling sad about not being with the kids too.

OP’s posts: |
Crystal87 Sat 29-Aug-20 10:13:04

If you like him you should keep going with it. You may never meet anyone you like as much again. Don't self sabotage.

Penguinnn Sat 29-Aug-20 10:17:07

What @Crystal87 said. Take it slow, don’t push him away. You never know he could be one of the good ones, give him a chance.

Aerial2020 Sat 29-Aug-20 10:19:53

Thing is, you could get hurt whoever you dated.
It's always a risk unless you stay single forever.
If you like him and you're having fun, maybe go with it and see how it goes?

toobusytothink Sat 29-Aug-20 10:21:57

Well that happened to me. Split up with ex 2 years ago and within a couple of months met someone unexpectedly and we both fell very quickly head over heels. Could only see him EOW when ex had kids to begin with, then it was EOW and every Wednesday as ex took them then too. This continued for over a year and only now are we seeing more of each other. But in hindsight it was really good. It protected the kids, stopped us taking things too quickly too soon (which we would definitely have done if I didn’t have kids) but didn’t make it any less serious. So enjoy it! EOW is perfect to start with (so many of my friends were jealous) and see where it goes.

toobusytothink Sat 29-Aug-20 10:24:43

And please don’t be put off just in case you get hurt. Otherwise no one would ever date. Enjoy falling in love again. I never thought I would and it is the most incredible feeling ever (I forgot how lovely it is to love and be loved). But you do have to let yourself.

80sMum Sat 29-Aug-20 10:30:10

OP, be careful that you don't over-protect yourself at the expense of your own happiness.

I am reminded of one of my favourite Simon and Garfunkel songs:

"A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island

I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island

Don't talk of love
But I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries"

GoneAndDoneItAgainAgain Sat 29-Aug-20 14:50:34

Thanks for the advice, I was hoping people would say that I should carry on seeing him. Also I’ll now blame it all on you when he inevitably turns out to be a prick.

OP’s posts: |

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