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Cheating and forgiving

(10 Posts)
Givemeagin16 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:18:17

So my partner of 4 years cheated 5 months after I've gave birth to our son.

It was someone he worked with anyway he moved jobs. He hasn't really been out since but he's gone out tonight with work and I feel really uneasy about it.

I've been messaged between him and his work "boys" about a girl they work with being out and hoping she has her massive boobs out. He wasn't part of this conversation thought it was just in the group chat.

Anyway, I've seen the group chat of who's there and he's lying to me about it.

He's not mentioned this girl and. A few others that are apparently out. Don't get me wrong if he told me the truth I wouldn't be bother but it's the fact he's lying about it?

OP’s posts: |
SandyY2K Fri 28-Aug-20 23:32:44

Apart from not going out, what exactly has he done to show remorse and try and gain your trust?

Cheating is very damaging and unless the cheater really does the heavy lifting in a bid to reconciliation ... you will always feel insecure and suspicious...especially as he cheated agree you gave birth.

JulesCobb Fri 28-Aug-20 23:47:41

Thats absolutely awful. That poor woman. Whats he done about that?

MsDogLady Sat 29-Aug-20 00:04:47

Instead of valuing and cherishing you and his new little son, he chose to go out and cheat. I agree with Sandy that he should now be moving mountains to restore your trust, but here he is disrespecting you by lying. That would be a dealbreaker for me, as it shows he still can’t be trusted.

Anordinarymum Sat 29-Aug-20 02:10:42

Givemeagin16

So my partner of 4 years cheated 5 months after I've gave birth to our son.

It was someone he worked with anyway he moved jobs. He hasn't really been out since but he's gone out tonight with work and I feel really uneasy about it.

I've been messaged between him and his work "boys" about a girl they work with being out and hoping she has her massive boobs out. He wasn't part of this conversation thought it was just in the group chat.

Anyway, I've seen the group chat of who's there and he's lying to me about it.

He's not mentioned this girl and. A few others that are apparently out. Don't get me wrong if he told me the truth I wouldn't be bother but it's the fact he's lying about it?

I wonder OP if you would have taken him back if you had not had a child?

IdblowJonSnow Sat 29-Aug-20 02:18:14

Cheating and forgiving - I'd say don't.
Especially as you have portrayed his attitude. Lying and being part of a group that talks about women like a piece of meat?
You can do better than this OP.

Catsup Sat 29-Aug-20 02:36:05

What's your worry? That he'll potentially cheat given any opportunity? Your real issue is nothing to do with the woman at work with the 'massive boobs', as presumably she's just cracking on doing her job without the horror of being aware of the lads group chat discussing her tits 🙄? I can't honestly state I'm 100% sure, but I'd frankly bet my next pay cheque on this woman being unwilling to jump at the opportunity to make a play for your partner (or any of her other colleagues) based on the fact of a night out, and the fact happens to be there. Your real concern is that he's a liar and a cheat, and is clearly not above getting it on with someone he works with? But unfortunately your reality is you either accept and move on from him being a cheat, or you end the relationship?... 'women with golden fanny's' tend to be more thin on the ground than men believing they have 'golden dicks' to tempt any woman offered them imho 🙄

user1481840227 Sat 29-Aug-20 02:39:54

There's a HUGE difference between forgiving and forgetting...well they're not the same thing at all!

I think forgiveness is possible sometimes, but even for those who forgive..forgetting is a completely different story. They might forgive their partner but the relationship is still ruined, they can't forget and are driven mad feeling insecure in the relationship, paranoid he might do it again, stressed whenever they don't know where their partner might be and so on.

That's why I rarely think that anyone should be given a second chance after cheating. The only possible relationship after that is one where the trust will never be the same......and that's even in the cases where the cheating partner doesn't give them any reason not to trust them again!

In your case he's just given you another reason not to trust him, of course you're going to assume the worst, that's what happens when someone cheats. Those aren't the actions of someone who really cares about your mental well-being within the relationship.

rvby Sat 29-Aug-20 02:55:25

What has he done to regain your trust op?

piscean10 Sat 29-Aug-20 06:22:16

OP the fact that you are still worrying and checking his texts, shows you that your relationship is gone. This is who you will always be. Do you really want to live like thjs. It could be 5 happy years down the line and just one tiny incident to bring it all back.
A man who cheats when his wife just had a baby- is the lowest.

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