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How do you deal with OH when they get grumpy

(19 Posts)
peonyfairy03 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:11:23

DH tonight is tired,grumpy and evening out didn’t go to plan. He’s got a long drive tomorrow to take his DC back to his mums after having him for most of 6 weeks. His DC and my DC were being a bit loud and he then moaned that he had a long drive and very early start and could I tell my DC to be quiet. I reacted and said it wasn’t just my DC making the noise. Think preteen excited boys. He snapped at me so I’ve taken myself into spare room to sleep because I don’t think I deserved to be snapped at. He has gone to sleep like nothing has happened.

How do you all deal with grumpy DPs. this is second marriage for both of us, my first marriage was full of abuse so I know this isn’t that. But because of how my first marriage was I panic when it’s not always roses and automatically think it’s going to end or go into flight mode ready to pack bags and leave.

OP’s posts: |
Shizzlestix Fri 28-Aug-20 23:16:29

It’s very rare, also relates to tiredness. I just shut up then he apologises.

I think your dh was really unfair to blame just your dc, but maybe he’s worried about missing them after having them for the whole summer?

SandyY2K Fri 28-Aug-20 23:27:39


Iwantcollarbones Fri 28-Aug-20 23:30:18

I tend to ignore to a point but I do point out that I’m not his punching bag and I won’t accept him taking stuff out on me. I keep my tone calm and ‘matter of fact’. Usually stops it

OhTheRoses Fri 28-Aug-20 23:31:30

"I've had a tough day too so try to be nice". If he can't be nice, I stomp off for an hour or two.

Firstimer703 Fri 28-Aug-20 23:35:42

I just accept that he is grumpy and give him some space if I can. Not so much space that he gets the bed to himself though! Recognising his bad day and asking if there is anything I can do helps as well.

Holothane Fri 28-Aug-20 23:37:20

Leave him to get on with it, if he he’s grumpy I stay quiet, he comes out of it.

bokchoy Sat 29-Aug-20 00:32:48

I ignore my DP also. He normally comes out of it, but when he is coming out of it and trying to hug me, I then tell him I wasn't happy with his tone/ what he said.
Other times I just ignore him completely because it's not worth it to me.

DramaAlpaca Sat 29-Aug-20 00:40:26

He's not the grumpy type, but if he ever is I give him space until he wants to talk.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 29-Aug-20 00:41:40

I don't have to "deal" with it because my husband behaves like an actual adult. He never takes it out on me, nor do I on him. If we've had a shit day we're honest about it and take some time to go off and decompress. He will usually go for a walk, play his racing game thing for a bit, listen to music, etc. I give him space and he does the same for me. I wouldn't tolerate being anyone's emotional punching bag. Communication is the key.

TeeBee Sat 29-Aug-20 06:37:38

Oh, look at you lot with your grown up ignoring. I usually take the utter piss out of mine for bring a grump until he gives in and laughs.

peonyfairy03 Sat 29-Aug-20 06:58:57

@TeeBee that did make me laugh.

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MaximumDose Sat 29-Aug-20 07:13:32

I try to be mature but usually end up resorting to a row. I'm usually the grumpy one though.

Thewhitefoxglove Sat 29-Aug-20 07:17:03

I tickle mine when he is grumpy and say silly things like "turn that frown upside down". He hates it but he has to grudgingly smile.

peonyfairy03 Sat 29-Aug-20 07:22:36

Thank you all for your replies. I’ve ignored him he left early this morning to take his DC back to their home. I guess I will wait and see what mood he is in when he gets back

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mynameiscalypso Sat 29-Aug-20 07:25:29

I think it can be very difficult to deal with if you have a history of abusive relationships - my DH is absolutely not abusive but gets grumpy from time to time, generally a mixture of tiredness and work stress, and my instinctive reaction is to ignore and remove myself from the situation because I panic and worry that something bad will happen. Even though I know it won't.

RodeoDive Sat 29-Aug-20 07:49:40

Yes to a bit of space and sometimes a reminder of how I will and won't be spoken to.

If there's an actual trigger (like having to take his DC back after having him for a long time or a really long drive), though, I would - on my best days - try to let it go and 'be the bigger person' by acknowledging out loud to him that he must be feeling down about it and have something nice waiting for him when he gets back - nice meal and bath?

I'm not suggesting doormat behaviour, but DH has done this sort of thing for me in the past and just feeling heard and having someone show they care about the difficult thing makes the bad mood largely go away.

Worth a shot if he's not usually such a grumpy bugger!

peonyfairy03 Sat 29-Aug-20 08:13:25

@mynameiscalypso that is exactly how I feel. When he gets grumpy usually due to tiredness and stress I take it personally that I’ve done something wrong. I am seeing someone to talk to about this but with a combination of abusive childhood and my only other relationship other than this one was also abusive it’s a hard cycle to break,

OP’s posts: |
Tiny2018 Sun 30-Aug-20 22:02:14

Go behind a wall and make wanker/nobhead signs/flip the bird, pull angry contorted faces 😂

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