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If you split from a controlling/manipulative partner

(6 Posts)
Tearsforyears Fri 28-Aug-20 19:59:59

How did the split go?

Particularly if there were kids involved?

In the early stages currently and he’s turning the charm up unbelievably. I’ve been here several times and back out at the last minute. Wondering how it’s going to go when he realises it’s happening.

OP’s posts: |
Bekind2020 Fri 28-Aug-20 20:16:16

Honestly. Depends how bad the abuse has been. I split up with my daughters dad five years ago and he got slapped with an injunction because he hounded me at work I have had to change my mobile telephone number more than ten times.. My best advice to you. Don't go back. It took me five years to put my child over him and I feel guilty about that for the rest of my life but she's thriving. Because of the level of abuse he wasn't allowed to see her and he put money over her and didn't bother going through courts. Your child is better off without an abusive father in her life.

rvby Fri 28-Aug-20 21:25:37

Mine turned nasty about 2-3 months after I moved out.

I don't think he believed I would stay gone. Once he realised I was really done with him, he went ice cold and became more and more obstructive and visibly resentful.

Hold fast op, stay gone.

DDIJ Fri 28-Aug-20 21:33:59

The abuse has ramped up. He has found different methods. But it's different in a way. I will never be free if him but in a way I am.

BitOfANameChange Fri 28-Aug-20 21:39:46

I left in secret, I was so afraid of him finding out I was leaving.

He never actually hit me, but came close to it. But he did rape me a couple of times, even though he'd strongly deny it.

I ended up blocking him on the phone. The DC don't want to know him (he blames me for that, but they were mid teens or older and in fact had wanted to leave as much as I did).

He tried some "suicide" stunts during the first year after I left, but this has now stopped, thank goodness.

I ignored him, grey rock, etc. I was initially pushed by my family to give him a reason why I left, but I told them he would just try to explain everything away. They "got it" when he did exactly what I'd told them he'd do, I think they were just thinking I should be "fair". They always fully supported me in leaving, just old fashioned in thinking I should give an explanation. No contact now for quite some time, thank goodness.

Bekind2020 Fri 28-Aug-20 21:56:57

Trust me when I and im sure others say this. Once you're gone and they realise you mean it. Their world collapses because you aren't there to be abused and controlled anymore.. Whatever way they can after you leave they will try and exert some kind of control.. In my case this was financial abuse. My ex never ever thought I'd leave him. When my child's safety is at risk.. There's no contest. These kind of men.. They will NEVER EVER change.

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