Think I need to leave. Isbthere a tick list?

[FacePirates]

I'm 41 and been with my husband (12 years older than me) since I was 17. He controls all the finances and insurance type things and direct debits etc. I think I need to leave. Is there some sort of tick list I can work through as to what I need to do?

[Heartofglass12345]

Is he abusive in any other way? Do you have your own money? Children?

[Heartofglass12345]

If you're scared of him and need support definitely contact women's aid

[FacePirates]

I'm not scared of him. I earn my own money but it all goes into the joint account. Yes children from 15 to five.

[DianasLasso]

Women's Aid has a check list on their "safety plan" page - among other things, ID documents (passports, yours and children's, driving licence), prescription meds, child allowance details, as much financial documentation as you can lay hands on (difficult if he's been financially controlling). How are you fixed for money - do you have access to any of your own?

[Heartofglass12345]

Do you have access to the joint account so you can take money out? I would change where your wages get paid into ASAP before any more of your money goes into it, do you have another bank account? Have you got anyone to support you?

[FacePirates]

I don't have access, except with the credit card and debit card (so I can't move money around at all). If I change where my wages are paid in, he'll see straight away won't he? (Although I have just been paid so I have a month).

[Heartofglass12345]

If you leave him are you going to tell him? Do you have anywhere to go? I would contact women's aid or have a look on their website they will be able to help. If you have a debit card at least you can withdraw money if you need to. I hope everything is ok

[napody]

Really good guides and checklists on the Gingerbread charity website.