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Think I need to leave. Isbthere a tick list?

(9 Posts)
FacePirates Fri 28-Aug-20 00:40:56

I'm 41 and been with my husband (12 years older than me) since I was 17. He controls all the finances and insurance type things and direct debits etc. I think I need to leave. Is there some sort of tick list I can work through as to what I need to do?

OP’s posts: |
Heartofglass12345 Fri 28-Aug-20 01:18:23

Is he abusive in any other way? Do you have your own money? Children?

Heartofglass12345 Fri 28-Aug-20 01:19:02

If you're scared of him and need support definitely contact women's aid

FacePirates Fri 28-Aug-20 08:34:13

I'm not scared of him. I earn my own money but it all goes into the joint account. Yes children from 15 to five.

OP’s posts: |
DianasLasso Fri 28-Aug-20 08:42:09

Women's Aid has a check list on their "safety plan" page - among other things, ID documents (passports, yours and children's, driving licence), prescription meds, child allowance details, as much financial documentation as you can lay hands on (difficult if he's been financially controlling). How are you fixed for money - do you have access to any of your own?

Heartofglass12345 Fri 28-Aug-20 13:24:29

Do you have access to the joint account so you can take money out? I would change where your wages get paid into ASAP before any more of your money goes into it, do you have another bank account? Have you got anyone to support you?

FacePirates Fri 28-Aug-20 13:35:42

I don't have access, except with the credit card and debit card (so I can't move money around at all). If I change where my wages are paid in, he'll see straight away won't he? (Although I have just been paid so I have a month).

OP’s posts: |
Heartofglass12345 Fri 28-Aug-20 14:12:02

If you leave him are you going to tell him? Do you have anywhere to go? I would contact women's aid or have a look on their website they will be able to help. If you have a debit card at least you can withdraw money if you need to. I hope everything is ok thanks

napody Fri 28-Aug-20 14:37:39

Really good guides and checklists on the Gingerbread charity website.

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