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I can't stop crying

(23 Posts)
Grandadwasthatyou Thu 27-Aug-20 22:06:22

Split up with dp 6 months ago at my instigation. We had become like flat mates and I found out a few unsavoury things which questioned my trust in him and I couldn't live like that anymore although part of me still loved him.

We have remained friends for the sake of the dc and regularly chat/ message. The dc said they were pleased we had remained friends so that there was no awkwardness and if they were stuck with technology etc they would ask me to ring Dad.
Tonight however I received a text saying he would be uncontactable over the weekend as he was "busy".
Naturally I rang him straightaway and yes he has found somebody else. I have cried and cried all night. Why? I don't want him anymore but really cannot bear the thought of him being with somebody else. My stomach churns every time I think of it and I feel sick.

Why am I reacting like this? Did I really think he would never move on?
I will never meet anybody else as have a child with special needs and honestly never go out anywhere as nobody else would be able to look after them. How can I be jealous and upset if I didn't want him anymore?

OP’s posts: |
Byallmeans Thu 27-Aug-20 22:11:14

Oh what a knob he is. He wanted you to ask why he was uncontactable, I mean honestly can he not pick a phone up for 48 hours because some one might be there.

He is either lying to try and wind you up

Or he is with some one - but remember all those things you didn’t like about him. He is your ex because you didn’t want that kind of relationship with him

Antibles Thu 27-Aug-20 22:17:48

He was deliberately rubbing your nose in it, the arse. I'm sorry it's made you feel so down.

On a practical note, why can't he look after the dc sometimes so that you can go out?

AramintaLee Thu 27-Aug-20 22:23:33

Yeah, the whole "uncontactable" thing was a ploy to get you to ask what he was up to. Like what if there was an emergency with the children? No parent should be intentionally uncontactable in case of emergency.

He's a knob.

Improvementsunderway Thu 27-Aug-20 22:34:00

He was a twat rubbing it in. Its completely normal to feel like that when u first find out theres someone else but babe... He wasn't for u and whatever he has with her will probs not last...now... Uncontactable?/that's bs! What are u ? An upset teenager?don't call me I'm upset to trying to b busy!🤣 life's responsibilities are there ALL the time! He is a twat. And u will definitely find someone. You have a child with special needs? So what? There's plemty of men that will love to meet them and nurture them! I work I'm education and I'm telling u that wouldn't face any of my coworkers one bit! Fuck him . do u and ur babies

Itsjustabitofbanter Thu 27-Aug-20 22:34:27

Yeh, there was no need to tell you that. Why can’t anyone look after your dc though? There’s dating websites for people who don’t go out and socialise much

CaptainCarp Thu 27-Aug-20 22:35:34

I assume that he's going on a weekend away or something so is "uncontactable" for technology queries? Rather than for emergencies. I mean I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt as you'd know him best.

Did you ever 'grieve' the end of your relationship OP. If not this has possibly triggered the response in your brain as it's finally realised it's over.
I would say to embrace it to a certain extent cry for what you had & now the change in dynamic. Allow yourself tonight to wallow & then look forward.

Also why is he not having your DCs overnight / a weekend so you do get a break. Is it not possible for the DC with special needs?

Aerial2020 Thu 27-Aug-20 22:36:35

It's only been 6 months, you are grieving.
Let yourself feel sad for the end of the relationship.
It gets better, it will be ok.
Cry and cry some more. Then remember why you left him.

SpillTheTeaa Thu 27-Aug-20 22:38:17

Because you're hurt. He was immature and tricked you into asking him. Hope it made his penis that inch bigger making you feel like crap. What a chap he is.

seensome Thu 27-Aug-20 22:42:53

Is he not taking on any responsibility for part of the childcare? Do you have the right to meet someone else too, make sure he's doing his part.

Grandadwasthatyou Thu 27-Aug-20 22:50:05

You don't know how much all of your replies mean to me and give me strength.

He can't have the dc overnight as he lives in a single room at a relatives. And even when he does take them out for a couple of hours the behaviour of the youngest is very difficult ( Adhd) and they're back before I know it. And I accept this for the dc's sake as he would rather be at home where he feels safe.

I knew this time would come and I really don't want him back but just keep imagining him making her laugh with his great sense of humour which was what attracted me to him in the first place. The more I tell myself to stop thinking about it the more I do think about it!

And he can only afford to entertain her for the weekend because I had to pay him a big whack and remortgage so I could keep the house. ( we weren't married).

OP’s posts: |
seensome Thu 27-Aug-20 22:55:04

My ex doesn't have his own place so can't have the kids to stay over his but he stays over mine once or twice a week in the living room. Lol may not work if your not that amicable but just a suggestion.

Byallmeans Thu 27-Aug-20 22:57:59

This is just the beginning of a new chapter for you. Been a bloody horrible year but come January it’s a fresh new year - one that a lot of people are looking forward to.

He sounds like my ex - great sense of humour but untrustworthy as fuck. You can’t be with some one like that it’s a fake reality.

Don’t shed any more tears over him. He will probably be sat in his single room fiddling with him self all weekend grin

Kabakofte Thu 27-Aug-20 22:58:08

I've been here, including finding out he was taking her abroad to somewhere I'd always said I'd love to go to - he got the holiday details mailed to me 'by accident'. Even though I finished the relationship it hurt because I knew he was suddenly being that person that I was always hoping he'd return to being with me. Anyway to be fair they are still together and him starting to date gave me the green light to start dating myself ( I knew if he found out I was dating when he was still single it would be hell on earth, but once he had started he had no comeback). See this as the opportunity to begin your next chapter, good luck x

Kabakofte Thu 27-Aug-20 23:00:10

Also as soon as I bought him out of the house he used that windfall to take her abroad all the bloody time 😂 but even still it was money well spent for me.

CaptainCarp Thu 27-Aug-20 23:15:28

Grandadwasthatyou

You don't know how much all of your replies mean to me and give me strength.

He can't have the dc overnight as he lives in a single room at a relatives. And even when he does take them out for a couple of hours the behaviour of the youngest is very difficult ( Adhd) and they're back before I know it. And I accept this for the dc's sake as he would rather be at home where he feels safe.

I knew this time would come and I really don't want him back but just keep imagining him making her laugh with his great sense of humour which was what attracted me to him in the first place. The more I tell myself to stop thinking about it the more I do think about it!

And he can only afford to entertain her for the weekend because I had to pay him a big whack and remortgage so I could keep the house. ( we weren't married).

I know the feeling I did that with the last man I (thought) I loved. He got with someone else about 4 months after we split. I thought I'd fully grieved from crying to anger but I obviously hadn't. I was pissed off that he was doing long distance - the reason we split was because we might have to go long distance - & sad that he was treating her to all the lovely things like had previously done for me.
It is wierd how it hits you even though you know the breakup was for the best.

He may be posturing now but remember you have your DC & a house & your self worth enough to boot him when you didn't love him.
Was he hoping for reconciliation? He may be trying to make you jealous / realise what your missing in the hope you'll take him back?

LilyWater Thu 27-Aug-20 23:21:29

Grandadwasthatyou

Split up with dp 6 months ago at my instigation. We had become like flat mates and I found out a few unsavoury things which questioned my trust in him and I couldn't live like that anymore although part of me still loved him.

We have remained friends for the sake of the dc and regularly chat/ message. The dc said they were pleased we had remained friends so that there was no awkwardness and if they were stuck with technology etc they would ask me to ring Dad.
Tonight however I received a text saying he would be uncontactable over the weekend as he was "busy".
Naturally I rang him straightaway and yes he has found somebody else. I have cried and cried all night. Why? I don't want him anymore but really cannot bear the thought of him being with somebody else. My stomach churns every time I think of it and I feel sick.

Why am I reacting like this? Did I really think he would never move on?
I will never meet anybody else as have a child with special needs and honestly never go out anywhere as nobody else would be able to look after them. How can I be jealous and upset if I didn't want him anymore?

Er...your child with special needs has another parent - your ex partner! Make sure you share custody with him, with the child spending substantial time with him, including at the weekends. No reason at all why all the burden should be on you and your child needs his dad to be fully involved in his life, break up or not.

bluebell34567 Thu 27-Aug-20 23:27:03

maybe you feel like you losing your closest friend?

Grandadwasthatyou Thu 27-Aug-20 23:27:15

He said I don't know why you're so upset, you are the one who ended the relationship. I then reminded him of the reasons why I had had to end it. He is great at pinning the blame on me instead of admitting his behaviour caused my decision.

And then he messed with my head even more by sending a text saying he still loves me so much. I haven't responded and nor will I. Have stopped crying but my stomach is still churning.

OP’s posts: |
Grandadwasthatyou Thu 27-Aug-20 23:30:28

@bluebell34567 ..you are right. Despite everything our 17 years together were largely happy and he was my best friend. He made me laugh so much, calmed me down when I felt stressed, and now every night once the dc are in bed I look over at his spot on the sofa and cry. But I know I made the right decision.

OP’s posts: |
Aerial2020 Fri 28-Aug-20 00:09:46

It will get easier.
I've been there. Also with a child with additional needs.
It will not stay like this forever. It does get better.
You have to grieve it. You will not stay feeling like this.

VivaMiltonKeynes Fri 28-Aug-20 00:34:36

Grandadwasthatyou

Split up with dp 6 months ago at my instigation. We had become like flat mates and I found out a few unsavoury things which questioned my trust in him and I couldn't live like that anymore although part of me still loved him.

We have remained friends for the sake of the dc and regularly chat/ message. The dc said they were pleased we had remained friends so that there was no awkwardness and if they were stuck with technology etc they would ask me to ring Dad.
Tonight however I received a text saying he would be uncontactable over the weekend as he was "busy".
Naturally I rang him straightaway and yes he has found somebody else. I have cried and cried all night. Why? I don't want him anymore but really cannot bear the thought of him being with somebody else. My stomach churns every time I think of it and I feel sick.

Why am I reacting like this? Did I really think he would never move on?
I will never meet anybody else as have a child with special needs and honestly never go out anywhere as nobody else would be able to look after them. How can I be jealous and upset if I didn't want him anymore?

*Tonight however I received a text saying he would be uncontactable over the weekend as he was "busy".
Naturally I rang him straightaway*

Why did you do that ?

Grandadwasthatyou Fri 28-Aug-20 10:22:31

Instinct and natural curiosity I suppose.

OP’s posts: |

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