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Argh I don’t know what I’m doing with my life please tell me what you’d do with these options?

(31 Posts)
Whattodoa Thu 27-Aug-20 14:16:17

I’m mid thirties, single, wishing I wasn’t and living in a place I’ve wanted to move from for the last year. I own the place and have done for five years, the house is nice but on the edge of a not so nice location outside birmgham...bought so I could hop on the train to work. The last few months I’ve really noticed how shit the area is (it’s not terrible but it’s not a place you want to stroll out of your house and go for a’s busy) and I have no ties to the area itself...just a tie to Birmingham centre for work where I go in when I please really. My work is computer based so I can do it anywhere.

I took the plunge and put my house on the market last week and now I’m panicking thinking what I am doing, I don’t even know where to go!! I feel like I’m unhappy here but have no real reason to go somewhere else which is quite depressing!

Options are:

1. Keep the house, rent it out and move to London and kick the career life even harder, get a better paid job (I’m on good pay already so not desperate for that). The London life seems exciting in some ways but I’m 36 next year and more than fancy restaurants and career opportunities, I much more want to settle down. I don’t fancy city life as I used to live in centre of Birmingham so have sort of done that, but London is an exception as it would be something different I guess.

2. Move to another outskirts of a city, but I would literally be upping sticks to Leeds, Manchester, Nottingham, places I don’t actually know anyone and starting from scratch.

3. Move further north to the midlands but in a town or village rather than a city. I have a few distant friends in Derbyshire as I grew up there, but again no firm ties except my small family who are elderly. I’d be within distance of a few cities so wouldn’t be out on a limb like in Liverpool and would have more areas to choose to work.

4. Disappear to the south to some remote area by the sea.

5. Stay where I am and don’t rock the boat just because I’m bored and being a bit bratty. I know a few people in Birmingham but they’re al through work and not firm friends. My friends are scattered all over the country.

Abroad does not appeal.

What would you do? I wish I was with a partner and there was a reason to be somewhere in particular!

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Thu 27-Aug-20 14:31:01

I live in Birmingham so I'm biased. I'm trying to guess the area you're in but I suppose it could be a fair few.

Lots of us hate London due to some of the people who live there, but I'm not saying everyone in London is like that and if you like it, go for it.

I don't know where is a nice yet affordable part at the Birmingham edge of the North Worcestershire Hills, but it's really nice out there and still not far into town if you drive.

Kings Heath is nice IMO, and Harborne is coveted by many people if you can afford it.

Whattodoa Thu 27-Aug-20 14:37:26

Thanks for the reply smile

They are definitely nice areas, I’m just wondering if staying here is best, I’ve done Birmingham for many years now and as I don’t feel the area is home or somewhere I want to stay, I’m tempted to move entirely. I think if I was happy in Birmingham I would stay here in this house as the house is great.

OP’s posts: |
User856334967 Thu 27-Aug-20 14:43:54

Why the outskirts of a city? Do you prefer it to be quieter? What about Scotland? Is that an option?

Where do you want to be in five years?

toomanyspiderplants Thu 27-Aug-20 14:49:20

I would do 4, but not necessarily south and not necessarily remote.

Whattodoa Thu 27-Aug-20 14:54:59

I definitely don’t want to live in a city centre user and not necessarily the outskirts of a city but going to say Scotland or Wales etc would limit my job options.

I want to feel more connected to somewhere but there isn’t anywhere really other than Derbyshire from growing up, and that would be Town or village and a drive to work as and when I wanted to go into the city. City jobs pay higher than regional in my work.

I just don’t know what to do. Maybe just any change would be good.

OP’s posts: |
ravenmum Thu 27-Aug-20 14:57:55

Go to Salisbury.

Seriously, make yourself some sort of Excel-type worksheet, go through all the things that are important to you, put them in order, research on the internet, see what places tick the most boxes.

What's the place you've been happiest so far, and why?

ravenmum Thu 27-Aug-20 15:06:45

Also try this advice:

The tip about renting in the area first could be a good idea if you don't mind moving more.

sandybeaches74 Thu 27-Aug-20 15:09:02

Maybe find a nice village somewhere on the outskirts of a big town. I live in a little village in Warwickshire where I've made amazing friends, everyone knows each other and socialises together but 5 mins from M6. I never thought I'd enjoy a village but I love it! I was a city career girl too but now I get the best of both worlds

BackwardsGoing Thu 27-Aug-20 15:12:33

What do you like to do? Hobbies / lifestyle wise? What's important to you? How big / small a place do you want to live in?

I live in that remote / south / by the sea and I love it but the career opportunities and dating pool are limited...

Whattodoa Thu 27-Aug-20 15:16:52

Thanks these are helpful things to think about.

I’ve been happiest where I’ve been living with a partner! I know that’s not the best answer to give!! But I think my views of places are framed by that.

However I know I don’t want to live in a city unless London.

I like the idea of not being so remote I can’t just nip to various cities within an hour or so drive which probably rules out Devon and south.

I love Warwickshire and the Cotswolds but wouldn’t know anyone there these days at while I would feel familiar with the area I wouldn’t have any other connection there.

That leave a town or village back where I grew up I suppose. It doesn’t fill me with huge excitement but it feels a bit more sensible and less risky than upping sticks and disappearing somewhere I don’t know a soul or have never spent time.

I guess I’m mostly just bored of being where I am and feel I’ve done this area over and over for the last few years.

OP’s posts: |
Spied Thu 27-Aug-20 15:22:43

I think option 3 would be best for you.
I get a feeling that it's what you really want.

Misty9 Thu 27-Aug-20 15:25:51

Life is short. What does your gut say?

BackwardsGoing Thu 27-Aug-20 15:27:53

I’ve been happiest where I’ve been living with a partner! I know that’s not the best answer to give!! But I think my views of places are framed by that.

It's trite but I really think you need to build a happy, interesting life for yourself, otherwise your happiness is dependent on another person, and that's not attractive (if you are interested in being attractive to potential future partners).

Why don't you start applying for jobs in a bunch of different locations and visit them when you go for interviews?

Opentooffers Thu 27-Aug-20 15:42:54

A few things, go near close friends, especially if they are single as socialising with them would also give the best chance of meeting someone. The other is to be careful not to base your entire happiness on someone else, so very important are the activities and hobbies you like doing and looking for a place where it's easiest and most pleasurable to do those things. You now know what you do and don't like about where you live, so you should have an idea about what type of area would appeal. Just a thought, for me, weather would come onto it being very outdoorsy type, so avoid the NW or Manchester, if you hate endless rain, South is much dryer. You are pretty landlocked in Birmingham, so if a trip to the coast appeals maybe less central England, or even Cardiff for a cultural shift near an on the up city, near great countryside and coastline.

Opentooffers Thu 27-Aug-20 15:45:18

Bristol has also been voted as one of the happiest places to live, so if you have friends near there, why not?

Didiusfalco Thu 27-Aug-20 15:56:33

I’m in Birmingham, but I haven’t always lived here. I think as a mid 30s single person, I would do one of the following:
1. Move as close as I could to my closest friends and family, whoever they might be.
2. Move to a university town/small city, as the chance of things going on are higher. (For me this would be York)
3. If I was going to stay in the Birmingham area I would go to Lichfield, nearer to the N.mids area that you mentioned. Great small city, with lots going on.
4. Move somewhere really beautiful with lakes or the seaside if I could manage it with work.
You don’t sound happy where you are so I definitely wouldn’t do nothing. I’m also curious as to where you are? I’m thinking, Kings Heath, Kings Norton, or Erdington?

KingsHeathen Thu 27-Aug-20 16:55:58

What do you like to do when not working? Do you miss the hills/mountains? The sea?
What do you want from settling down? Children? A partner and dogs? Do you need an area with good schools, or with woods and moors? Or museums and galleries and theatres?
Think about what your lifestyle is, and how you're going to live it.

User04727680092 Thu 27-Aug-20 21:44:48

Eh, try London for a couple of years. Lots of stuff on and a big dating pool.

Lonoxo Thu 27-Aug-20 21:50:37

I would do 1. Loads of socialising opportunities. You can always go back to Birmingham in a year or two if it doesn’t work out. London experience would look great on your CV, and you are the right age to do it. You might not have the energy in 10 years’ time.

LilyWater Fri 28-Aug-20 01:43:05

You've made it clear your priority is settling down and having kids. You dont have many years left, also bearing it mind it takes time to date to find a good guy, get to know them, marry, get pregnant etc. If this is your overriding concern you should structure your decisions around this e.flg. lodon as a big city has many opportunities to meet people (though you need to make sure your be happy enough to live there for some time). You can rent out your Birmingham house and use the income to help fund your london rent (or save the cash). Thatbway you can always return to bham if it took your fancy later down the line (makes sense to also ride out the current market).

LilyWater Fri 28-Aug-20 01:43:56

*E.g. London


OldWomanSaysThis Fri 28-Aug-20 01:51:15

London for the dating pool and then power date once there.

User56770987 Sun 30-Aug-20 09:49:17

London for a few years.

Staringpoodleplottingrottie Sun 30-Aug-20 09:58:06

I wouldn’t recommend London for dating (lived here for 7 years). Plenty of options but very few who are interested in settling down, a lot of “arty” pretentious men who revel in their own misery as if it’s poetic and can’t handle a simple, stable relationship.

That said, I’m in a similar position - I love London and was buying a flat here but it fell through in lockdown and now I’m considering my options. I would recommend London for career progression but the quieter life with my dogs also appeals... the one thing I would say is it’s easier to make friends and build a community in London than smaller towns and cities as people seem more open minded.

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