Page 8 | Great third date, but......

(188 Posts)
Whatgoesaround192 Mon 24-Aug-20 15:18:02

..... it ended in sex which I hadn't planned and now I sense a change in him. Namechanged for this post as don't want it linked. I feel I have massively messed up although I know it takes two to tango. I met a nice man online and we had a coffee date first and really hit it off which if you know OLD, is quite rare! Three hours flew by. The following week, we went to dinner. Again, had a lovely time. We had a little kiss at the end of the night and I drove home feeling happy and hopeful. Everything felt right - no constant messaging all day, just a nice 'good morning' one from him and a phone call in the evening. He was keen to arrange a third date for Saturday just gone. He booked a restaurant and said I could either drive or if I wanted to drink, he would order me a a taxi to collect me and take me home. I wanted to have a couple of glasses of wine so I booked my own taxi to his. We walked hand in hand to the restaurant and again, another lovely night. We went back to his and I had another glass of wine and we played a game of pool (he has a games room) and then he took his dogs out for a walk - he was gone about half an hour. When he came back, we started kissing and I said about getting my taxi and I think I said "or do you want me to stay?" and he said yes. So I did and we had sex that night and again in the morning. He dropped me home at half 9 yesterday morning as he was going to circuits and although he called me last night, he just seemed different, like he was talking to a mate or something. I could tell the call was about to wrap up so I said "are we going to see each other this week?" and he said yes but I felt like I was making all the effort and really he could have taken or left it. Now I'm feeling crap for sleeping with him and that he is maybe seeing me in a different light. But he could have said "no, I think you should go home" couldn't he? Maybe I'm overthinking it but I'm usually quite perceptive. Why oh why did I drink and not just drive home. Really beating myself up here. Not even sure what I'm asking for - reassurance I suppose. To put things in perspective, we are grown ups - I'm 50 and he's 52. I was all excited and now I just feel disappointed (and a bit of a slapper - I'm not!)

OP’s posts: |
Wallywobbles Wed 26-Aug-20 06:46:15

@EarringsandLipstick just started OLD. I'd had a coffee with Mr Monday (who was not as advertised and still lived with his mum at 50) and DH was Mr Wednesday. We'd emailed, then texted, then had 2 lengthy phone calls over 12 days. Got increasingly flirty.

We were meeting in a hotel as I didn't want to drive home after date. Basically he walked through the door and I jumped him.

Fortunately he's lovely!! And that very first evening I went from I'm never getting married again to I want to marry this man. He felt the same. And here we are - in a fully merged family (2 kids each) some 6 years later.

PurpleFlower1983 Wed 26-Aug-20 07:03:32

He’s an absolute twat and probably does this to multiple women, turns on the charm to get them into bed then moves on, classic player and complete knob.

Do not think for one minute you are to blame for having sex with him OP, if the relationship has potential it doesn’t matter when it happens. I got drunk and slept with a bloke after 4 hours on our first date - we’re married with a toddler now.

maytheforcebewithyoutoo Wed 26-Aug-20 07:40:20

OP - I had this happen to me after the 5th date. Bloody stings doesn't it. It's his loss OP thanks

EarringsandLipstick Wed 26-Aug-20 08:06:07


That's lovely! Great story. (And great to see it can work out for people 😊)

Whatgoesaround192 Wed 26-Aug-20 08:22:42

@maytheforcebewithyoutoo 5th date?! You poor thing, that's horrible. I think having read all these posts there's no particular formula that "works' - we just have to be true to ourselves, alert and keep on going until we 'hit the jackpot' (see what I did there? 😂). It's the having to go back to square one that gets me down - it's so bloody tedious.

OP’s posts: |
CatWithNoName Wed 26-Aug-20 08:26:21

Moralizing, pompous twat...there's someone more sorted out there.

At least he was upfront I suppose.

Better days await.


Gilda152 Wed 26-Aug-20 15:19:29

Maybe don't see it as square one, it's not a board game you have to complete 😆

maytheforcebewithyoutoo Wed 26-Aug-20 15:38:51

@Whatgoesaround192 I agree, it's all down to luck. However, in my case I need to stop ignoring red flags

daisychain01 Thu 27-Aug-20 18:13:30


I should have screen-shotted his reply - I've deleted the messages now. He said "you are a very pretty lady and have a lot going for you" but that we rushed things and now he feels empty. I've taken that to mean he has no respect (which is what I was upset about when I initially wrote the post) but at the time it didnt feel rushed and he certainly seemed to be having a good time. Aarghhh!! I just find it bizarre behaviour. Anyway, I'm just repeating myself now! It is done.

I'm so sad for you that what seemed so promising ended up on a sour note by him.

He's reinventing history - think of it in terms of someone who ends the marriage claiming "I was never happy". Oh yes you bloody were at the time, even if you want to lie through your teeth afterwards.

Whether he had someone else waiting in the wings, or whether he just decided he didn't want to continue the relationship, is neither here nor there.

You have nothing at all to reproach yourself for, it's his loss, and thank goodness you've escaped someone who was quite happy at the time to exploit the situation, then get all pious and coy about it after the fact. A very unattractive trait.

If by some quirk he does change his mind and comes crawling back, please think very carefully about every letting someone like that back into your life. He's deceived you, so he could do that again. Trust has been broken, trust is the basis for everything.

And for what it's worth, you sound lovely and deserve to find happiness, so please keep searching for someone worthy of your love.

Whatgoesaround192 Thu 27-Aug-20 19:52:46

You have nothing at all to reproach yourself for, it's his loss, and thank goodness you've escaped someone who was quite happy at the time to exploit the situation, then get all pious and coy about it after the fact. A very unattractive trait.

Yes, exactly this! Thank you for your lovely post @daisychain01. I have been feeling a bit mehh today.

OP’s posts: |
daisychain01 Thu 27-Aug-20 20:43:57

You take care and allow yourself time to 're-group'.

Onwards and upwards flowers

Fridaychat Fri 28-Aug-20 13:25:02

OP - allow yourself to have a meeh day and be kind to yourself! Dating can be brutal thanks

Fridaychat Fri 28-Aug-20 13:25:48

Or a meh day lol

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