There's so much I don't know where to start.
Been with OH 11yrs, 2 DC aged 3 and 6 months.
Bought an old house several years ago which needed doing up, OH determined to do the work himself, I think initially because he liked the idea of a project but once the reality set in of renovating a house while also working full time and having young kids who DONT.EVER.SLEEP, he has basically downed tools and as we can't currently afford to get professionals in to sort it out, our house is an absolute mess. Literally a building site with half the house unusable. Cheers for that OH. Obviously has put a huge strain on us, in addition to the relentless lack of sleep (DD didn't sleep through the night at all until she was over 2yrs old and DS is also a terrible sleeper).
In addition to this, I have barely any relationship with my family (they havent met DS), we were never close before I had children ( I used to see them regularly but it was always me driving round to their house after work etc, my mum would never meet me for coffee etc when I asked if she fancied it because she "couldnt leave my dad" but would manage to tear herself away for overnight ghost hunting trips with my sister for example, I
never really confided in them, was very much smile and agree with them as they don't like criticism) when I had a miscarriage before having DD neither parent so much as text to see if I was ok, lots of examples but to give you a flavour.
Had DD, suddenly my mum wants to come over regularly, both parents ignored instructions if they briefly looked after DD while I had counselling appointments for PND and when I pulled them up on it instead of explaining why they hadnt listened etc would tut and eye roll and generally make it clear they didn't expect to answer to me. A few times they were also a little careless which made me quite anxious about leaving DD with them.
Anyway we carried on this very tense relationship until about a year ago when we had a huge row and have barely seen each other since.
My sister meanwhile got engaged, great was very happy for her. She asked me to be a bridesmaid I think out of duty, but then bought dresses without telling me (I found out from my mum she had got the bridesmaids dresses), she didnt even ask me what size I usually am and as I was about 6 months pregnant at the time it all seemed a bit passive aggressive to buy me a dress without checking on sizes etc, throughout my whole pregnancy with DS she never asked how it was going etc, I literally didnt hear from her at all and there had been no falling out,I think she just sided with my parents I guess.
Her wedding was postponed due to COVID and is now going ahead with just 30 guests allowed. She has text me to say I can bring DD but not DS or OH. I obviously understand numbers are tight but see that she hasnt asked various uncles/aunts to come without their OH's, and none of them are bringing their children as presumably she knows it is a bit off to say bring one child but not your other, she doesn't mind saying this to me though?
Would others be put out by this?
Although I obviously know life would be alot easier if I had family support, I have always done without so I'm quite used to "going it alone" I guess, I have recently felt upset that DC literally have me, their dad and each other. It makes me worry about how happy they will be growing up and how when they are older they will probably join the families of their OH's and leave me and OH behind.
OH can be a miserable git to be honest. 11yrs and 2 kids yet still no sign of getting married, we do nothing together, when he is at home he sits watching random films and looking at his phone while I take the kids to the playground etc, its quite rare he joins us. That would be bad enough but add in all the work that needs doing with our house and I'm massively pissed off. I've told him its not on but he juat says how exhausted he is by the lack of sleep and working hard all week.
Other than a small group of close friends who I've known all my life and who really are wonderful, I feel so alone. My parents only want to know as long as I smile and nod to whatever they do and say, even when its bloody outrageous, my sister has shown how little she cares about me for a long time now, OH is either at work or when home isn't really with us at all.
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I feel completely alone
6 replies
Toomuchtooyoung01 · 24/08/2020 11:32
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