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Why do women put other women down?

(34 Posts)
Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:09:53

I’m generalising for this thread but.....

Why does this always happen. For instance I’m raising money for a particular charity that helps women and the responses from many of my fellow work colleagues have been “well its there fault” “I would never put up with that” “what is wrong with her” and many more.

Do they do it because they have issues of their own that they don’t want to admit because they don’t want to seem vulnerable? For example one lady said about women who stay in abusive relationships, “I’d never put up with that, it’s their own fault” ....but she binge eats, is very overweight and had unprotected sex as a teenager and now has a 12 year old son who has no father....surely she can have some empathy. I always catch people having little discussions where they bitching about fellow women colleagues and have to break it up.
I’m sure they aren’t angels or truly that amazingly happy with all that they have or have done in their own lives...

Why does this happen?

P.s not all women are like this!

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BluebellsGreenbells Mon 24-Aug-20 10:14:32

I think it’s lack of understanding.

You look into back stories and you can see how woman end up where they are, lack of education, lack of job opportunities, low wages, some woman lack self esteem which makes them vulnerable.

But then you look into the the male side, men who are violent, angry, controlling, and you end up with a bad combination, where woman get trapped.

We need to education children on what good relationships look like, what red flags look like, where to seek help, what’s available if they’re struggling.

Unfortunate you don’t know about these things unless you need them, and in some cases it’s too late because they don’t have the strength to leave.

Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:18:42

It’s not just about relationships. I have M.E and have hidden it because I didn’t think anyone would understand. I’ve had to tell my work because it’s been flaring up badly the last few months...does anyone care...No! I ask for help, I hate asking for help and get stupid comments in return! It makes me feel like I’m not useful and hiding it is the best way.

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Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:19:32

I work with 50 other women.

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unmarkedbythat Mon 24-Aug-20 10:20:14

Humans are shitty to one another.

Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:25:22

Never admit weakness you get preyed upon!

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Somewheresun Mon 24-Aug-20 10:25:47

I'm interested in what the replies for this threads going to be. I've worked in a few offices and it's always been full of bitching and women calling people behind their back. I don't know if makes them feel better about themselves putting other people down. I tend to put my head down and stay out the way but I know they call me too as I've heard them.
Im sorry to hear you havent got nice work colleagues either fighting back, have you spoken to your supervisor when you need help.

forgetthehousework Mon 24-Aug-20 10:29:56

Fightingback16

I’m generalising for this thread but.....

Why does this always happen. For instance I’m raising money for a particular charity that helps women and the responses from many of my fellow work colleagues have been “well its there fault” “I would never put up with that” “what is wrong with her” and many more.

Do they do it because they have issues of their own that they don’t want to admit because they don’t want to seem vulnerable? For example one lady said about women who stay in abusive relationships, “I’d never put up with that, it’s their own fault” ....but she binge eats, is very overweight and had unprotected sex as a teenager and now has a 12 year old son who has no father....surely she can have some empathy. I always catch people having little discussions where they bitching about fellow women colleagues and have to break it up.
I’m sure they aren’t angels or truly that amazingly happy with all that they have or have done in their own lives...

Why does this happen?

P.s not all women are like this!

Nice put down of a colleague included in there ...

OneRingToRuleThemAll Mon 24-Aug-20 10:30:02

The only women I have known to put others down have their own insecurities and are unhappy with their lives.

Happy people content with their own lives and decisions don't make others feel bad.

Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:36:08

I’ve never put down this women who I quoted at all. I’ve helped her try and get out of debt but in return she is not very kind. I use it as an example of how can she put down others when she is not happy herself.

OP’s posts: |
velourvoyageur Mon 24-Aug-20 10:36:27

I don’t know, why do you do it OP?

Climbingallthetrees Mon 24-Aug-20 10:37:04

Hahaha, you’ve managed to have a dig at a colleague in your OP. Are you one of those woman who talk about how they get on better with men?

calllaaalllaaammma Mon 24-Aug-20 10:38:54

I think men bitch too.
My teenage son and his friends are always bitching about someone or other but it’s not framed in that language.
I think people bitch to feel included in a group, it’s very unpleasant.

forgetthehousework Mon 24-Aug-20 10:41:22

Fightingback16

I’ve never put down this women who I quoted at all. I’ve helped her try and get out of debt but in return she is not very kind. I use it as an example of how can she put down others when she is not happy herself.

Well you have, quite unnecessarily, told us all the things you think are wrong with her which certainly seems like a put down to me.

username501 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:42:37

There are loads of reasons. Humans are social animals and bonding in a group against another individual helps glue them together Anthropologists believe that's the reason behind gossip. Communities also tend to have a scapegoat, it gives a sense of catharsis and alleviates bad feelings.

Talking badly about someone you're jealous of makes you feel better about yourself. Women often see other women as a sexual threat and try to bring them down or humiliate them so they look better and raise their status. Women's magazines do this all the time, criticising successful women on their looks, pointing out how they're failing in some way. It makes the readers feel better and less threatened.

Tlollj Mon 24-Aug-20 10:44:08

If they’re not like ‘them’ the bad thing won’t happen to them.

TeddyIsaHe Mon 24-Aug-20 10:45:14

Because women are meant to be smiley and happy and kind at ALL times or they’re classed as a bitch. We mustn’t have opinions or thoughts outside of our realm, unless it’s about how to get stains out of course!

Op you’ve kind of shot yourself in the foot there, because you’re judging a woman for her life choices and dragging her down.

I don’t have to be nice to everyone I meet just because I have a vagina. Are men perceived as bitchy or dragging others down when they complain about someone??

I do not like being hateful for the sake of it, absolutely not. Or using a woman’s appearance or her life choices as a way to belittle her.

Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:48:25

Sorry I didn’t mean to use her as a put down just an example, it really could have been any made up example for use on here. I used it because it was fresh in my mind from recently. Like I said I have helped her and when she found out I have been abused she was unkind. She has told me herself that she binge eats and about her son and I only ever helped.

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Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:49:06

I have shot myself in the foot then!

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YouJustDoYou Mon 24-Aug-20 10:50:03

I've never had that , apart from once. Otherwise it's always, always been men putting me down; "Urgh, not you, ugly!", "woof! Look at that dog!", "Wow, you're really ugly, aren't you?", ""You'll never be pretty like your friend", "why are you so weird?", "dumb bitch", "stupid cunt"....and so forth.

Fightingback16 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:50:04

I have a daughter with a father who hasn’t seen her so I’m not judging her at all!

OP’s posts: |
Topseyt Mon 24-Aug-20 10:54:44

I agree with you, OP. I do sometimes wonder if some people (men or women) have had an empathy bypass.

It is very easy to say that you wouldn't put up with something when you are not actually in that situation and therefore don't have the task of working out how to safely get out of it.

When I was young and naïve (I am from a fairly sheltered background) I did used to wonder why and how people (women in particular) put up with some of the abuse flung their way. Life has taught me a few lessons since then. The reasons why people are the way they are are many and varied. Context and background are everything but not everyone can seem to take all of that into consideration.

There is always a lead in to any situation, and it can be complex.

amusedtodeath1 Mon 24-Aug-20 10:55:48

And that's exactly why I avoid groups of women.

You can have a face like a mashed swede but still feel superior over the woman with wobbly thighs, etc. It's all about fighting for top dog. I can't be arsed with competition, I just don't care where I am in the pecking order. I'm nearly 50 FFS, I don't care if someone thinks they're better than me because I have a fat arse. Let them worry about that shit.

HyaluronicHippo Mon 24-Aug-20 11:05:52

You can say you aren’t judging, but you clearly consider it is worthy of judgement as you’ve used it as a derogatory/negative about this person.

And that’s fine, we all judge. She judges things, you judge things, the men do too. But don’t make yourself out to be morally superior, because no one likes that.

MoreListeningLessChatting Mon 24-Aug-20 11:06:23

I understand where you are coming from.

I have more male friends that female friends (yes' I'm one of those women who get on better with men than women - so what)..... I do find men don't talk about people behind their backs - that's just a fact that I have noticed. I find that when women do it I steer the conversation away - it feels like a competitive thing.

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