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Ended my marriage after a year(4 Posts)
I posted a few times this year about the sorry state of my relationship. We got married a year ago, I desperately wanted to postpone as I was dealing with multiple bereavements but he said he would leave me if I didn't go through with it.
I finally ended the marriage yesterday. Its been a long time coming mostly because I keep trying to be happy so I didn't t have to hurt him.
It finally clicked that if I'm living my life for someone elses happiness, what's the point in anything.
Anyway, everything feels strange and pretty rubbish right now, questioning whether I did the right thing because I can't see a future anymore. My only other long term relationship was with an abusive man, it was hard when we split up but I wholly knew it was the right choice.
I guess a few words of advice might be good, I'm determined this is it now.
You have to grieve the relationship.
You have been so focused on him that you haven’t made your own plans for the future.
When you feel better start looking into what you’d like, new skills, new friends, new hobby, new career, and get working towards things you want to do.
Well done. Why you can't see a future may be because you have based your future around other people's happiness and not your own for a long time, so you have not yet learnt how to please yourself. You will get there in time, you can now start finding out what you like doing, there's a big world to explore. Don't look too far ahead yet, take time and live in the now whilst you get over it all.
“We got married a year ago, I desperately wanted to postpone as I was dealing with multiple bereavements but he said he would leave me if I didn't go through with it.
I finally ended the marriage yesterday. Its been a long time coming mostly because I keep trying to be happy so I didn't t have to hurt him.”
First: sorry to hear you have had such a tough time and for all your losses.
You’ve done absolutely the right thing in ending your marriage. And well done for doing it so soon and not letting things drag on. As you said: you can’t live your life for his happiness, you have to live it for your own. And ultimately it is better for him too because he will be free to meet a woman who does want to make a life-time commitment to him.
Doing the right thing can still be very painful. This is not the ending you planned when you first got engaged to this man. But as PP said - you have a bright future ahead of you waiting to be embraced when you feel ready to do so.
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