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Divorcing a Narcissist(4 Posts)
I separated with my husband 3 months ago, after several years of verbal and emotional abuse. I have since concluded he probably a narcissist. We have a daughter together.
Currently the verbal abuse, accusations and general nastiness have gone quiet, to be filled with a deathly silence. Believe me I have no issue with this and feel very strongly this is giving me time without the pain and stress he caused, to heal.
However we do have a child together, and i am aware this state of peace cannot last forever. How can I be the best Mum I can possibly be to my daughter? Is it possible to co-parent with a narcissist? How can i preserve my own sanity and ensure my daughter has the best childhood.
Any experiences of this sort of situation would be amazing!
Grey rock in every situation!
Teach her to 'go through the motions' around him- not to try and please or impress him, just to keep her head down and play along. Not to please him, but for an easy life.
Make sure when she's with you she gets to talk freely, have her own opinions, become her own person.
I grew up with a narc mother- it's so hard to work out who you are and what you want, because it's all about them.
Don't bad mouth him, be very neutral. 'Daddy doesn't always understand people have different opinions'. 'Daddy gets cross when things don't go his way'.
As she grows up she'll come to understand it's not about her, she's great, it's all about him and his limitations.
In my experience, it's impossible to co parent with a narcissist. But what I have found is, the more I stand up to him the easier it is for me. I don't let him get to me, I just do what's best for our kids and ignore his stupid comments and demands. It's been 3 years since we split and he still tries to control my life by using the kids, I just don't let him! It may be that you will need to get a court order in place, I'm currently waiting on a hearing.
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