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I've just left my husband

(11 Posts)
HotPotatoHotPotato Sun 23-Aug-20 21:10:59

Name changes for obvious reasons.

Seeking advice and a bit of a handhold.

Final straw today - 'D'H snapped at me over something insignificant, pushed me and put his hands around my neck in front of 8 month old DD. It scared her and made her cry.

He has been aggressive towards me on and off for the past two years - always enough to scare me but never enough to hurt me properly.

I bundled our things into the car and have come to my parents, around 300 miles away.

My pet is terminally ill and I've had to leave her with him - it's too much for her to make the journey and unfair to unsettle her. For all his faults, he will treat her and look after her well but I feel horrific for leaving her.

I've told him I want space right now. SIL knows I plan to leave him and is supportive but I've told no one else.

I'm so scared that I will have to hand DD over to him for contact. I will stay in the same area as my parents and I hate the thought of her being so far away so young. She is EBF and it's hit and miss if she'll take a bottle. We also co sleep and she won't settle for him. The longest I've been away from her is 2hrs.

She's now asleep and I'm just lead next to her in bits just feeling so sad. I hate him for putting DD and me I this position.

OP’s posts: |
MrJollyLivesNextDoor Sun 23-Aug-20 21:17:58

Hand hold OP

One step at a time - I'm sure your mind is racing about contact etc but just take a deep breath and focus on right now. Your baby is tiny and is EBF - he will have to come to you for contact in the short term at least.

Well done for leaving this abusive prick, for you and your DD

Sorry about your pet but at least you know he will at least treat her well - shame he couldn't extend the same courtesy to you.

You've got this

Tiffbiff Sun 23-Aug-20 21:18:17

OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there’s a lot to think about but in the first instance you HAVE to tell yourself and remember that you have done ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING. You get one life and there are plenty of men out there that won’t treat you that way- well done for thinking about your daughter and getting out of there, think of your life in a years time and not the next 6 weeks etc and hopefully that will bring you some comfort ❤️

Whenonedoorcloses Sun 23-Aug-20 21:22:06

It's good that you have left him. Concentrate on the next few hours and days and try not to think too much of future plans regarding your lil one. These things will unfold in time, just glad you left. I had a really good advise from a friend of mine who said its easy to leave, staying away is the hard part as these individuals have the ability to real you back in by becoming the person you love, but they will never change.

HotPotatoHotPotato Sun 23-Aug-20 21:25:36

Thank you thanks

OP’s posts: |
Princessbanana Sun 23-Aug-20 21:29:05

Sorry for what you have been through. Is he the type to take you to court for visitation?💐

HotPotatoHotPotato Sun 23-Aug-20 21:33:52

@Princessbanana yes totally. He would fight me tooth and nail for DD.
On paper, he is brilliant. A high earner. Comes across as a lovely guy. I'm terrified a judge would award DD to him.

OP’s posts: |
glitterfarts Sun 23-Aug-20 21:59:52

Did he put his hands around your neck try to strangle you, hard enough to leave a bruise? If so, get to a Dr tomorrow to get this documented.
I'd also call the police and get it on record that he did this in front of DD and scared her (and you) and so you've left and ask for a restraining order.

If you don't get the abuse documented, you have nothing. No reason for a judge NOT to award him some custody. But no judge is going to give a EBF baby to someone apart from the primary care giver. Overnights are not recommended before 2.

If he takes you to court, let him. It is not in the baby's interest to be away from the primary care giver.

Well done for leaving. Don't go back. Ever. Don't hand your DD over to him for visitation for any reason. Let it go to court. Give your reasons why.

DevonHoliday20 Sun 23-Aug-20 22:05:27

PLEASE report this to the police. You need this documented for future fights to protect your daughter.

You've absolutely done the right thing by leaving. I'm sorry about your pet flowers

gottastopeatingchocolate Sun 23-Aug-20 22:17:27

OP, well done for getting to a safe place. I understand the fears you have about contact, but take things one day at a time.

You do need to document the abuse. Contact the police and find a supportive agency for Domestic Abuse. If you have any visible marks, photograph them.

Princessbanana Tue 25-Aug-20 00:00:56

What an absolute fucker. Just know that you are doing the right thing! Hope you are doing ok?!💕🌸

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