Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Is this not going to work?(15 Posts)
I split up with partner of 18months, 2 weeks ago, it was my decision, gut feelings and wanting a bit of space to myself. He went sour and blocked me so I couldnt contact him (but that's understandable). The first few days felt good to be on my own. However for the last week it's really hit me and I'm absolutely heartbroken!
He unblocked me and I messaged him the other day and he asked how I was etc, and then I asked if we could meet up for a coffee and we did yesterday.
Weve both to the conclusion that we are still madly I'm love with one another but there is a big BUT. I have a child and he has 2, he is a bit older, I said in the beginning I didnt want children and he said he didnt. Last few months I have said I'm still only young and even though I want my career more than anything I may change my mind in the future and want a baby, but at the current time I dont.
So we both may potentially want different things in future, but we really dont want to throw away what we have. Hes never seen me cry but as we were talking over a drink yesterday he said hes really worried were going to get 5 years in and realise we want different things and he doesnt know If we could continue. Hes never seen me cry but I couldnt hold back tears, he had tears in his eyes.
Weve arranged to see other other again in the week but I've said I dont know whether it is prolonging the hurt, but at the same time having no contact with him feels like absolute hell and hes said the same.
What do I do?
You agree terms.
It's ok to maintain contact on the understanding your relationship is over but you both find it easier to still see and talk with each other.
Or you agree that you're both not sure enough to make a decision yet and occasional talks on neutral ground might help you both gain some clarity.
Or you agree that you are both trying to find a way back to the relationship.
(It doesn't sound like you are in the position to agree the latter though with the question of future children still on the table).
You may be prolonging the inevitable, sometimes the inevitable needs to be prolonged to get acceptance.
I think whatever you do just make sure you both understand fully what conditions you are meeting under so you are working from the same page and respect it immediately if anyone says prolonging contact isn't working for them anymore.
Sorry, it's tough x
But you’re not sure that you do want different things so it may be a non-issue. Perhaps get back together now then cross that bridge.
Seems really odd to me to be that convinced that you wanted to break up, you did it - and then want to reverse it a couple of weeks later.
He should run a mile, tbh.
@category12 because things had gotten toxic with constant arguments so I didnt want us to both be constantly arguing.
So what will have changed to stop you guys arguing constantly? Have you become different people in your brief split?
How do you propose to change your patterns of behaviour with each other? You have these long term worries, but actually you haven't dealt with the immediate issues you had either.
@sakurami The arguments started around May time where I asked for space as I noticed a change in his behaviour. We had space and during this time he joined a dating website because he said he really thought it was over. Anyway we started seeing each other again.
Then a couple of weeks ago I went on a day trip with my little girl and my ex (her dad) which he wasent happy about and then things escalated from there. He was annoyed and went on a night out and said he wanted to know if we were together or not as he was going to go on the pull that night. Which killed me lying in bed knowing that he could be 'on the pull' so I thought for my own sanity I need to call it a day on the relationship.
For the first few days felt a relief, then last week it completely hit me and I have felt well and truly heartbroken, then we met yesterday and spoke about our differences.
@category12 I think we got to the stage where it was all petty behaviour and point scoring, and weve both (well I have) had a massive wake up call.
Hes never seen me emotional never seen me cry until yesterday and he was genuinely taken back, he didnt think I really cared as much as I do. Theres been a massive breakdown in communications, mainly on my part.
I felt like we did speak about these immediate issues but unsure where it's going.
I would give it a bit more time; I had a break up where after a few days I really missed him and tried to make it work again but it was a mistake and came more from loneliness and fear of being on my own (although I wouldn’t accept that at the time) and I wish I’d just waited 2 weeks more to decide
He thought if it was over he would immediately go on the pull?? I think he was trying to control you and stop you having contact with your ex. He sounds immature. And a bit of a prick! Sorry.
Nah end it. Too much has gone on. He jumped right onto a dating app, then took a hissy fit and said he'd go out on the pull. Fuck that OP.....you deserve so much better.
@user1493413286 if you had waited another 2 weeks would you have not gone back?
I dont think I would have gone back as I’d of probably seen that life without him was better
@user1493413286 that's the hard part not knowing maybe I should leave it a little longer, it is so hard though.
Please login first.