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Friendships: does anyone else worry about how often to contact friends?

(4 Posts)
tiredofzooming Sun 23-Aug-20 15:22:41

I'm quite introverted and rarely feel the need to spend time with people. However, I care about my friends and try to contact them regularly to find out what they are up to and to suggest we meet up if I haven't seen then for a while. However, I find I worry about whether I'm bothering them by contacting them too much, or conversly whether they think I have forgotten them as I haven't been in touch for a while etc etc. Is this normal? Is it a self-esteem issue? How does everyone else decide when to give a friend a call or arrange a meet up?

OP’s posts: |
nolovelost Sun 23-Aug-20 20:03:10

@tiredofzooming I'm like that! I'm single and the only one. I feel like I used to be quite needy so I don't text as much. They tend to message me if I hold back a bit, which is good, and a sign of a good friendship I suppose. Are you single? I don't think people in a couple are quite as keen to meet up with friends as much as when they are single. That's my impression anyway, feel a bit forgotten about sometimes!

I think that if you're always the first to text maybe hold back a bit? See if they bother with you.

Cam2020 Sun 23-Aug-20 20:35:31

I think it's fear of rejection, OP - does that sound likely?

I used to have that and still do a little bit to a lesser degree. Most of my friends are quite longstanding, so I message them whenever I think of them otherwise I'm likely to forget - we all do the same. We all initiate conversation about the same.

We don't chat on the phone or meet up so much these days as we all have young families and finding time for everything and everyone is a juggle.

Maybe have a weekly, fortnightly or monthly check-in depending on how close the friends are?

MondeoFan Sun 23-Aug-20 20:37:38

Yes I'm the same, I normally wait for people to phone/text me which is probably wrong I know.
I don't want to get on peoples nerves although I'm very chatty in real life and would love to speak daily to some friends but I know they wouldn't want that so instead I go the totally opposite way and wait for people to contact me. Sometimes it's a week, sometimes a whole month goes by. During lockdown made me realise how lonely I really am.

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