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Relationship and family issues

(5 Posts)
youliveyoulearn Sun 23-Aug-20 10:10:26

Where do I begin.....not sure how I’m coping tbh. So much has happened this year. Last November I was told I needed an operation for a neuroendocrine tumour ASAP, I was made redundant at Xmas and in January my husband told me he thought our relationship was over. Can’t tell you how devastated I felt. Fortunately I started new job in January but by March was furloughed. It transpires that my H was actually in another relationship and even though I asked him he had denied this. Everything came out in the open in May when my 18 year old daughter told me she was sure he was seeing somebody as she’d seen lots of messages on his phone. I confronted him and he admitted this. After weeks of him telling me it was over I think when our daughter knew and was not happy and told him so he was a mess and said he didn’t know how he felt.
He had already started sleeping on sofa and my son and other daughter were fully aware of situation. I sought advice from a solicitor with help from my brother. He kept saying he wasn’t sure what he wanted, we had lots of conversations. Finally told my Dad end June as he was isolating and I didn’t want to worry him and we did all paperwork for divorce. All this time my H was still on relationship with OW. Finally beginning of June my Dad and I went to solicitor to start proceedings. I came home and told H what I’d done ( he’d known for a couple of weeks that I was going to do this) and he said he didn’t want us to split we needed to try sort us out etc and he told OW following day that they were over. Trouble is he works with her and everyone at work knew situation so he sees her everyday. Says it’s a difficult situation as may cost him his job so he has to remain civil. He hasn’t blocked her on social media etc - a conversation for today as it’s been 7 weeks now. Meantime 6 weeks ago I had open bowel surgery and have been recovering. He’s looked after me but now I’m feeling better I need to talk. He really doesn’t want too. Also my 25 year old left to live with her boyfriend in June as atmosphere here not good. My 18 year old is going to uni in two weeks. Relationships with my eldest son and wife aren’t good since his wife and my daughter have had a fall out which daughter in law thinks I’ve sided with my daughter. I’ve spoken to her at length but she still hasn’t ‘ forgiven’ me and has said a lot of hurtful things to me. Not sure I want a relationship with her atm although they have a 10 month old daughter who I haven’t seen since Early June. I’ve tried to strange seeing them both to sort stuff but with lock down and my issues and then an operation I haven’t managed yet. Still can’t believe they haven’t been to see me since my operation. Feels like my life is falling apart but I am strong enough to sort it trouble is I don’t know where to start. My three eldest children are from my first marriage which I left the youngest is our daughter. My 29 yr old son still lives here with us too.
Any advice?

OP’s posts: |
Penguinnn Sun 23-Aug-20 13:18:43

Leave your husband, get your adult children to move out and sort out their own problems with each other and start looking after yourself and fostering good healthy adult relationships with your children.

youliveyoulearn Sun 23-Aug-20 13:28:44

Just to add I do want to work at our marriage. I do love him. We’ve spoken at length and I know why/what got us to this point so I accept I’m 50% to blame but I’m struggling with why, after telling me we’re different people with different needs, he wants to try and repair our marriage.

OP’s posts: |
Penguinnn Mon 24-Aug-20 14:56:47

Honestly leave him and work on yourself.

MrsOldma Mon 24-Aug-20 15:10:52

I don’t agree your 50% to blame for him cheating. That is literally all on him.

There is so much going on there I think you need to prioritise what needs attention first. If it’s your relationship with DH then explain that if you don’t talk you can’t repair your relationship. Does he need social media at all? If not then deleting Facebook, instagram etc altogether would be less likely to cause problems at work than just blocking OW. If he won’t delete or block then you need to really think about why not.

DIL and DS sound like they’ve shown their true colours by not getting in touch even though you’ve been in ill. Very hurtful but I’d only get in contact with them about your GC, leave the rest until you’re stronger.

You sound like you need to focus on yourself and your healing for a while

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