Wwyd

[babblebeee]

Wwyd in this situation.
Me and partner have been together 7 years and have one child together. DP has always enjoyed video games but always said once we have kids he’d cut down and would only play them once kids are asleep. This happened for the 1st few months but now he spends every second he can on his games. He gets home from work and it’s the first thing he does. I do all the cooking, cleaning and looking after our child and if I ask him to do something it’s always ‘I can’t atm’ because of something he’s doing on the game. I’ve spoken to him about it soooo many times and sometimes he’ll have a night off (I’m talking 2 in the past 6 months) but usually he says that it’s the only time he gets to spend with his friends and he doesn’t want to let them down. I get that he wants to talk to his friends, but I don’t feel that it should be at the cost of his relationship with me and our child.

I’m feeling really frustrated at the moment and really don’t know what to do. I love him and we do have a great relationship, but his gaming is really starting to get me down.

[Aquamarine1029]

You don't have one child, you have two.

Get rid of this useless manchild. What a pathetic waste of space and oxygen he is.

[babblebeee]

It does often feel like that

[Aquamarine1029]

...we do have a great relationship

I don't understand why you would say this. You don't even have a "good" relationship. He treats you like his mum, completely disregards your needs and requests, and can't even be bothered to do his share at home or help with his child. Your relationship is utter shit. It's time to stop lying to yourself.

[babblebeee]

I should have worded it better. We get on really well and have a good laugh together. But I agree, our relationship has become very one sided

[LovingLola]

I’d give him a ultimatum - gaming or his family.

[babblebeee]

I don't want his to have to give up his hobby completely. I'm quite happy for him to spend a couple of evenings talking to his friends doing something he enjoys, but I really need more help at home and need more 'adult' time. During lockdown I felt really lonely. He's just completely oblivious to it

[IWantT0BreakFree]

How much interaction does he have with his child? And what sort of interaction is it? I'm imagining it's small amounts of "fun dad" stuff, with all the heavy lifting of parenthood being done by you. No wonder he doesn't want anything to change.

I think I'd actually ask him to move out for a month. I think you'll be surprised how much easier your life is when you've got just the one child to pick up after, and less resentment bubbling due to being constantly disrespected and treated like a maid. He will either miss you like crazy and be willing to completely ditch the video games to be allowed to return (which would be a condition of returning if it were my husband), or he will be happier living in his parents'/friend's/colleague's spare room and gaming 24/7 to his heart's content, in which case you've not exactly lost much.

[babblebeee]

Your spot on with the interaction, all the 'boring' things are left to me, such as bedtimes, getting dressed, making meals

[Aquamarine1029]

He's just completely oblivious to it

Again, stop lying to yourself. He knows exactly what he's doing and the hurt it causes you. He simply doesn't give a fuck. He gets every single thing he wants. A clean house, food on the table, his laundry done, sex on tap, and a woman who puts up with this shit. Why would he change?

[GlmPmum]

Go on strike! Look after you and your actual baby. Cook, shop, clean etc just for you and the baby. When he asks whats going on tell him he's a man not a child and will have to take care himself because you've only got time for and your actual baby!

[mineofuselessinformation]

Turn off your router.
See what happens.

[babblebeee]

I think we need to have a serious conversation and if nothing changes, then I know what I need to do. It's hard

[LovingLola]

if nothing changes, then I know what I need to do

You are lucky that you recognise the problem.

[Windmillwhirl]

Yes it is hard, but what life will you have if he sits gaming every spare minute and you are left waiting on him hand and foot? Sounds pretty dire to me.

Hopefully this will be the wake-up call he needs.

[madcatladyforever]

he is a waste of space and will never change. LTB.

[loveyoutothemoon]

@babblebeee he needs to know how serious you are about this, he's not respecting you and taking the piss. Maybe you should tell him that it's his last chance, tell him that you've had enough and if it doesn't stop you can't see things carrying on with him. He has responsibilities, not only that he should enjoy interacting with you and his child when he gets home. How old is he? All sounds very childish.

[custardbear]

You need til properly talk to him. Tell him he needs to have a serious think about what he wants in life. I'd be really cross about the chores and sorting your child out - that's just laziness on his part - you need to stop allowing him to take advantage of you, because he is. If you split up would he be able to game when the child was with him? Doubtful ... (unless he neglected the child )

[ALittleBitConfused1]

The thing here is yes you could talk to him and he may stop playing it for a while, but after a few months it will creep back in. For someones behaviour to change they need to see that their current way of doing things is unreasonable or wrong.
He looks at playing his game as socialising, like some would going to the pub. Well as a man who is is in a longterm adult relationship with a child, why does he think it is ok to come home from work and socialise with his friends every evening, all evening. Those are the actions of a single person with no responsibility. How would he feel if everynight you went out to the pub with the girls?

Why does he think it's ok to leave all of the chores and parenting to you to do while he spends hours having fun, does he believe that he can sustain a happy relationship while investing no time into it at all?

If he doesnt see that either of those things is wrong well you giving him an ultimatum isnt going to change anything. It will result in a change of ways, some effort for a short while and gradually it all be as it was. He needs to understand and agree with what you are saying for things to change properly and for those changes to stay consistent.