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Partner hanging out with much younger woman

(27 Posts)
Frustratedneighbour Sat 22-Aug-20 21:35:50

Partner of a year is in a running group. He is now running on separate days with a 20 year old woman - as she lives closer to him and he doesn’t have to travel. He insists they are friends. I’ve told him I wasn’t happy but didn’t tell him what to do - I assume it was implicit. I thought, given how seriously I told him I wasn’t happy and it wasn’t appropriate, he wouldn’t run with her again. In actual fact, he is indeed planning another run with her. He said he invited the other group members but nobody wanted to join. We are in our 30s. He insists he loves me, doesn’t fancy her etc. To me, it just isn’t enough. I’m absolutely fine with his many other female friends.

AIBU to want to dump him over this?

OP’s posts: |
LouiseTrees Sat 22-Aug-20 21:37:21

Why don’t you go on the run with them?

ClamDango Sat 22-Aug-20 21:40:19

Not appropriate?. Are you his mum. Why dont you offer to join the running.group and run with him.

NYMM Sat 22-Aug-20 21:42:59

If you're happy with his other female friends, what is it about this particular woman that makes you feel threatened?

Frustratedneighbour Sat 22-Aug-20 21:44:58

I know he likes much younger women. She’s new on the scene. And the only one he hands out with one on one.

I’ve not seen him all weekend because he was running with the group today, and will run half day with her tomorrow.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 22-Aug-20 21:45:06

Aside from her age, why is this female friend any different from his other female friends?

The real issue is whether you trust him or not. If you don't, end it.

RLGGG Sat 22-Aug-20 21:45:22

As a member of a running club, part of what makes it so special is that you get to meet and run with people of all ages and backgrounds. I run with both men and women, some much younger than me and some much older, it has really enriched my life. If you start telling him he can't run with members of the group that will make it massively uncomfortable for him and is just not in the spirit. Unless you have any evidence of him cheating on you I'm sorry to say I think YABU.

Frustratedneighbour Sat 22-Aug-20 21:46:18

*hangs out with

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 22-Aug-20 21:46:48

I know he likes much younger women.

Why are you bothering with him, then?

Mylittlepony374 Sat 22-Aug-20 21:55:01

YABU. Unless you have some reason not to trust him you can't dictate his friends.

Frustratedneighbour Sat 22-Aug-20 22:36:59

Aquamarine1029 because I love him sad

OP’s posts: |
Bloodylush Sat 22-Aug-20 22:41:39

Why aren’t you seeing him on weekends in the evenings? It does sound like he is putting running and/or this woman before you.

Sakurami Sat 22-Aug-20 22:52:41

How do you know he likes much younger women? If he prefers to spend his weekedn running rather than being with you then I don't see the point in being with him.

TinkersTailor Sat 22-Aug-20 23:34:28

It sounds as though you don't trust him. All the other (older?) females are okay, but you've really got your back up about this 20 year old.

You're only a year in. If it makes you that uncomfortable and he continues to run with her (not that he shouldn't, he's not actually doing anything wrong) then I'd call it a day.

You'll continue to bang heads about this. He (rightly) feels like he's doing nothing wrong, you're uncomfortable with it. You can't force him to stop doing something, nor should you want to.

toastmeahotcrossbun Sat 22-Aug-20 23:48:45

Get yourself your own hobby and start hanging out with a younger/hotter man

Dollyrocket Sun 23-Aug-20 00:13:28

It’s important to trust your gut instinct and I do think it’s very easy for people to say that you can’t control who his friends are etc.. But imho most people wouldn’t be especially comfortable with this.

I think that my DH wouldn’t feel really comfortable doing this actually, as he would probably be vaguely concerned it might look a bit dodgy (he’s late 40’s) and also if he felt I wasn’t comfortable either he would take my feelings into account and not encourage meeting outside of the running club/groups.
Obviously if now and again people don’t show up and it just ends up being the two of them, it’s more of a non issue that he hasn’t planned.

All that said, you saying he likes younger women, is a separate issue and if he’s actively trying to engineer time with her then his intentions are grim and all you’re going to do is destroy your self esteem and respect by staying with the creep (who uses his hobby to lech in young women..)hmm

EKGEMS Sun 23-Aug-20 02:26:13

@ClamDango Don't be stupid and obtuse she has a gut feeling about this woman

DancingCatGif Sun 23-Aug-20 02:32:50

"because I love him"

That phrase has been the ruin of far too many women.

Love is meaningless without trust and partnership. You don't love him. You're dependent on him. That's a totally different thing.

Either you're controlling and jealous or he's a cheat. No one on here can tell you what is happening, but you know yourself.

Starksforthewin Sun 23-Aug-20 02:43:28

DancingCat has put it perfectly.

It’s not love. Sort yourself out and don’t be so desperate for a partner. If this behaviour is a hard boundary for you, then find someone who doesn’t act in that way or you are heading for a lifetime of misery trying to police who your partner hangs out with.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 23-Aug-20 03:16:28

Frustratedneighbour

I know he likes much younger women. She’s new on the scene. And the only one he hands out with one on one.

I’ve not seen him all weekend because he was running with the group today, and will run half day with her tomorrow.


envy

MayDayFightsBack Sun 23-Aug-20 03:18:55

He sounds fucking boring just because he keeps doing all that running. That would be enough for me to dump him!

Anordinarymum Sun 23-Aug-20 03:19:49

OP do you run as well?

How does a relationship work out if he spends all his time running.

Saltyauntiepoop Sun 23-Aug-20 03:29:40

I like how the one he ends up running with is a young woman... out of all the possibilities this is who he ends up with. Trust your feelings op.

Saltyauntiepoop Sun 23-Aug-20 03:31:27

It would really be funny if you were to start running with them
. Even better if you surprise him last minute so he doesnt have time to get out of it. See the dynamics, how uncomfortable they seem to see you there too.

MsDogLady Sun 23-Aug-20 04:25:17

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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