This is copied from counters thread and is my post about why boundaries are needed early on:
I know you feel guilty but you need some better boundaries.
How your husband is acting now is what my ex husband did to me after 18mths seperated and 3 months divorced after he found out i had spent my birthday with a man, it got worse and worse and he put a tracker in my car, drove past my house continually, came into my house while i was out and took my personal stuff,threatened suicide messaged me 100s of times a day and left me in fear for my life that i had to put cameras up outside my house, lock all my windows and doors even when i was home and only walked my dogs on the main road outside my house instead of the countryside in case he lay in wait for me.
Do not reach this stage because it is terrifying and you will feel your life is out of control.
My mistake was feeling guilty for ending the marriage and trying to stay friends and co-parent when i should have just co-parented with him and not been friends.
I was married for 17 years and together 19 years, he had suffered with his mental health for many years and our marriage was emotionally abusive and peppered with emotional affairs conducted by him.
His mental health ruled eveything, work, family life, hobbies etc and the only reason i stayed after the emotional affairs was because he threatened suicide.
And after the first affair i never forgave or forgot but brushed it under the carpet so he saw that as the green light to continue.
When my daughter was 8 i made the decision to leave when she was 18.
In the end i ended the marriage when she was 15, the trigget for ending it then was finding a message on his phone asking a woman on a date.
I hadnt checked his phones for years as i knew i would leave eventually but one day i did and found that message.
I told him that night the marriage was over and he had to leave, so he did his usual and sulked in bed for 2 weeks, the usual would be me talking to him again and brushing it under the carpet, instead i went to see a solicitor and got advice to get him out.
That shocked him enough to find a private rental and move out 2 weeks later.
We stayed friends, i would pop in to see him when i collected my daughter, life was good, i was no longer controlled or disrespected and i felt free.
What i didnt realise was that by doing this he had hope that we would get back together, he thought it was just a punishment to make him behave and i would have him back eventually.
Even after 6 months when he told me this and i told him it wasnt a punishment and it was really over he still kept thinking i would get back with him.
During this time i was proceeding with the divorce and he kept threatening suicide, he was even sectioned at one point but eventually the divorce was done and life continued.
Then came my birthday and i had been seeing a guy for a few months and we went for a meal on my birthday and my ex couldnt contacy me all day.
The next day after putting 2 + 2 together he confronted me, i admitted i had spent the day with someone.
That night he attempted suicide and told me what he had done, he went to hospital and was then discharged and that is when the campaign of harrassment and stalking started.
I blocked him on whatsapp first as he messaged on there and if he didnt get 2 ticks immediately he knew i wasnt home and thought i was with a man and would then message our daughter asking where i was.
I then blocked him on text after he would messsge 100s of times a day begging to try again, how our marriage was good, blah blah blah, i told him to stop messsging about our marriage and we would just discuss our daughter,he refused and kept messaging so i blocked him.
He even slashed a tyre on the vanof the man i was seeing when it was parked at my house one night.
Now we are no longer friends, we barely co-parent, our daughter barely sees him as he is unstable.
Its gone to shit.
If i had my time again i would have ignored the guilt and put better boundaries in place from day one.
Please dont be like me and after 18 months have a barrage of abuse because you kept things amicable and then the shit hit the fan.