My partner is very close to his family, which I love (mine are very distant and cold in comparison). It's become apparent though that, if ever we argue, he tells them about it. This is obviously fine. But...it seems that he gives them half a story, and the result is that they seem to think I'm someone that I'm not. An example would be a few weeks ago - we were both exhausted from working long hours, we were about to get intimate and he stopped to tell me that he had made plans with a friend the next night. Normally this would be nothing but I was so tired, it just killed the mood for me and I then got a bit grumpy that he had ruined the moment.
We had a silly argument about it, just going round in circles as you do when you're tired. I slammed a door, he yelled at me and I ended up taking myself off home to cool down. We spoke on the phone and he absolutely wouldn't meet me halfway in terms of seeing each others' point. I said that I'd found his shouting and swearing aggressive (he never usually shouts or swears). In the end he came to my house, we talked, sorted things out and went to sleep. The next morning I apologised for overreacting and that was that. Basically, a clear example of a very tired couple having a stupid row over nothing and then moving on.
He has since told me though that he called his brother as he was so upset when I went home (he didn't seem upset!). I've seen some of his family today and they were very off with me. I mentioned this and apparently he told his DB that we had a row because he made plans with a friend (it was NOT that! It was that he told me when we were about to have sex, bizarre timing!). He told him that I accused him of being an aggressive person (no, I said I found shouting and swearing aggressive behaviour). It sounds like he had a massive rant about me, which I understand, but whereas my family would probably try to be balanced and ask me what I had said, done etc., his seem to take what he says at face value.
The upshot is that his family now think I'm a controlling nut who goes off on one because he's seeing a friend and who has accused their darling boy of being some aggressive monster. I am absolutely gutted and so annoyed that they have this impression of me, all because he gave them half a story! I'm fairly sure they have encouraged him to end things and I sort of feel like telling him to do the same.
Has anyone any experience of this? Why on earth would he manipulate information to make them dislike me? Ok, maybe he wanted to get some sympathy, but can't he see the damage this will cause long term?
Thoughts welcome! I've been thinking this over so much I can't see the wood for the trees.
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Relationships
Partner giving family members half a story - has anyone experienced this?
Varenne · 22/08/2020 16:00
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