My parents divorced when I was 13. My mum met another man who turned out to be pretty awful. Lots of emotional abuse and emotional neglect. It had a massive impact on me as a person and future relationships. As a mum to 3 dc's, I question quite alot how my mum could have chosen this man and herself over me and my siblings. My dc's are my whole world and like most parents I ensure they're supported financially, physically and emotionally. I am a single parent, have been for 10 years. Their dad isn't around unfortunately. In that time I have worked hard to be financially secure.
My eldest dd 25 has a little girl so I am a nanny too. My 2 youngest are 15 and 12.
Life is busy with working and taking dc's to activities (prior to the current situation) etc. I look after my gdd once a week and my eldest dd comes for tea. We usually catch up on weekends to do some shopping or a walk maybe. I am always overly conscious of making sure I am there for them (my eldest dd and gdd) as my mum wasn't for me when I had my eldest dd at a young age. I think because I really struggled with my mh. I sometimes think I am traumatised from those years. I'm obviously alot older and wiser. A completely different person to back then. I just really struggle to forgive my mum. Our relationship is ok now. She helped look after my dc's a little when I went back to university (after divorcing). If I wanted to go out, she would look after them. There is and never has been any consistent pattern though. She is very self absorbed. I'm used to that.
Throughout lockdown I worked and my anxieties were through the roof. Home schooling too. I would pick up some shopping for her. Bake cakes and drop them to her and my dad. Cook on weekends and deliver to my eldest as there were no takeaways open. Made sure my 15 year old had the best lockdown birthday. Also my eldest dd was supposed to get married but it had to be cancelled so made sure that was a special day too. Along with an emergency trip to hospital, a leak that came through the kitchen ceiling and my fencing falling down. Oh and I bumped into a pillar whilst reversing. I'm not saying all of this because I want a medal. It's what makes me happy, seeing my dc's happy. I'm just giving a bit of back ground to why I'm questioning my mum's behaviour.
From the stress of the past few months, and a change in my health which makes me so tired, I have felt quite down. To the point where I am concerned I can't get back to the normsl me. I phoned my mum on 2 occasions very upset, explaining I am struggling quite a bit. Sometimes I wish someone could just cut my lawn, make me a sandwich, fold my pile of washing. I know life is busy for many and sometimes we all feel like we are struggling. We dust ourselves off and start again. However, its made me question again why my mum is not wanting to help me. Or am I being unreasonable expecting anything at my age? I don't even know what I'm expecting really. She is on furlough until January. She doesn't do anything with her time. It would just be nice if she would maybe take my dc's out or offer to cook a meal. I honestly don't know if im expecting too much? Please be honest, I would rather that. I can't seem to face her at the moment and I feel guilty for feeling angry at her. I worry I am always going to be reminded.
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Am I being unreasonable or selfish in expecting more?
19 replies
CakesRus3 · 22/08/2020 11:00
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