Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Advice about moving on

9 replies

DG1976 · 21/08/2020 11:36

I am considering leaving my husband of 17 years as I can no longer cope with his excessive drinking.

We have 4 children, 3 of whom are old enough to know what is going on and don't want to live with him either. Our youngest son is only 6, he also has autism, so doesn't understand what is going on and isn't in a position to speak up for himself about spending time with his father.

I am totally in the dark as to what to do if we leave. I don't work as I'm a full time carer for my disabled son and another family member. The mortgage for our house is in my husband's name, I don't have any savings or anywhere to go.

Can anyone please advise me if I'd be entitled to any help with housing or benefits?

Also, where do I stand regarding access; my older children don't want to live with their father at all, my worry is our son as he is only 6 and non verbal. I wouldn't feel safe leaving him overnight with my husband, he drinks excessively and wouldn't be aware if our son got up during the night.

Sorry to have rambled on!

OP posts:

Report

NotaCoolMum · 21/08/2020 12:40

Not sure about access as I don’t think it’s straight forward with your DH alcoholism and your DS extra needs? There’s a website called entitledto.com (or .co.uk) and you can fill in a quick form and it will tell you roughly what you’d be entitled to. When I left my ex, I did this and it really helped knowing I’d be ok financially. Good luck op x

Report

NotaCoolMum · 21/08/2020 12:44

www.entitledto.co.uk/

Here is a link to the website for you. Hope this helps. You WILL get through this 💐💐💐

Report

NotaCoolMum · 21/08/2020 12:46

Ooooh sorry forgot one other thing!! When I left my ex, because I had my DS and nowhere to go, I was able to apply for a grant through my local council to pay a deposit on a rental home. I got it and it was a real godsend so ask your local council about this! X

Report

DG1976 · 21/08/2020 13:07

Thank you so much, I'll have look. I'll also contact the council 😌

I hope everything has turned out ok for you since you made the break. xx

OP posts:

Report

NotaCoolMum · 21/08/2020 13:58

Happier than I’ve ever been xx it’s scary to start over but I PROMISE you’ll be so glad you did and your DCs will be too 💐💐

Report

DG1976 · 21/08/2020 17:56

I'm happy for you 😊 Nothing worse than being stuck in a miserable marriage. I'm hoping I haven't left it too long for the sake of my children. xx

OP posts:

Report

category12 · 21/08/2020 18:04

You're married, so the house is half yours whether his name is the only one on it or not. Same with savings, pensions, etc - all assets of the marriage go into the pot. Yours is a long marriage.

Don't leave the house and hope to be housed by the council - stay where you are and get legal advice on the quiet.

Report

category12 · 21/08/2020 18:30

(Cos you may not be eligible for social housing because of the house.)

Here's some stuff about financial support as parent of a disabled child.

Report

DG1976 · 23/08/2020 08:28

Thank you for the advice, I wasn't sure if I'd be entitled to anything. Bearing in mind I'd have the children with me, I think it's only fair we stay in the family home.

I can see this won't be easy, but it's definitely for the best. The children and I are so miserable living like this.

Thanks again 👍🏻