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Advice about moving on

(10 Posts)
DG1976 Fri 21-Aug-20 11:36:26

I am considering leaving my husband of 17 years as I can no longer cope with his excessive drinking.

We have 4 children, 3 of whom are old enough to know what is going on and don't want to live with him either. Our youngest son is only 6, he also has autism, so doesn't understand what is going on and isn't in a position to speak up for himself about spending time with his father.

I am totally in the dark as to what to do if we leave. I don't work as I'm a full time carer for my disabled son and another family member. The mortgage for our house is in my husband's name, I don't have any savings or anywhere to go.

Can anyone please advise me if I'd be entitled to any help with housing or benefits?

Also, where do I stand regarding access; my older children don't want to live with their father at all, my worry is our son as he is only 6 and non verbal. I wouldn't feel safe leaving him overnight with my husband, he drinks excessively and wouldn't be aware if our son got up during the night.

Sorry to have rambled on!

OP’s posts: |
NotaCoolMum Fri 21-Aug-20 12:40:47

Not sure about access as I don’t think it’s straight forward with your DH alcoholism and your DS extra needs? There’s a website called (or and you can fill in a quick form and it will tell you roughly what you’d be entitled to. When I left my ex, I did this and it really helped knowing I’d be ok financially. Good luck op x

NotaCoolMum Fri 21-Aug-20 12:44:35

Here is a link to the website for you. Hope this helps. You WILL get through this 💐💐💐

NotaCoolMum Fri 21-Aug-20 12:46:39

Ooooh sorry forgot one other thing!! When I left my ex, because I had my DS and nowhere to go, I was able to apply for a grant through my local council to pay a deposit on a rental home. I got it and it was a real godsend so ask your local council about this! X

DG1976 Fri 21-Aug-20 13:07:04

Thank you so much, I'll have look. I'll also contact the council 😌

I hope everything has turned out ok for you since you made the break. xx

OP’s posts: |
NotaCoolMum Fri 21-Aug-20 13:58:33

Happier than I’ve ever been xx it’s scary to start over but I PROMISE you’ll be so glad you did and your DCs will be too 💐💐

DG1976 Fri 21-Aug-20 17:56:55

I'm happy for you 😊 Nothing worse than being stuck in a miserable marriage. I'm hoping I haven't left it too long for the sake of my children. xx

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category12 Fri 21-Aug-20 18:04:20

You're married, so the house is half yours whether his name is the only one on it or not. Same with savings, pensions, etc - all assets of the marriage go into the pot. Yours is a long marriage.

Don't leave the house and hope to be housed by the council - stay where you are and get legal advice on the quiet.

category12 Fri 21-Aug-20 18:30:33

(Cos you may not be eligible for social housing because of the house.)

Here's some stuff about financial support as parent of a disabled child.

DG1976 Sun 23-Aug-20 08:28:37

Thank you for the advice, I wasn't sure if I'd be entitled to anything. Bearing in mind I'd have the children with me, I think it's only fair we stay in the family home.

I can see this won't be easy, but it's definitely for the best. The children and I are so miserable living like this.

Thanks again 👍🏻

OP’s posts: |

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