Hi
I’m 38 and I’ve been married for 15 years, together with dh for 18 years and two dc aged 11 and 5.
We’ve never had much sex, not long after we met dh gave me an sti. He told me he’d been checked and then after admitted that he a precious girlfriend had told him she’d got the sti but he hadn’t actually been checked. For some reason, even though I only had it for a matter of a couple of weeks, it left me with ongoing issues and I really struggled for ages - whether it was purely psychological I don’t know - to have sex. Dh refused to do ‘anything else’ as it wound him up because he’s really only ever been about full sex. Consequently we just stopped. Even when we got married we weren’t having sex and I think we went a number of years without it at all until we wanted dc1. That only took a few cycles and then after dc we didn’t have sex again until we wanted dc2 - that took a bit longer but we only ever had sex at that point. The time when we might conceive. It was just to conceive.
Now dc2 is 5 and it’s been a couple of years at least. I want sex but I don’t want it with dh. He will hug me and we will hold hands but that’s it. He instigates it, never me. The sex when we’ve had it is pretty rubbish and over in a few minutes, he just goes straight for full penetrative sex and that’s it. Still, at least it’s over quickly.
I’ve said about it and he says sex isn’t the most important thing... it isn’t, but it increasingly feels as though it is important to some degree.
I don’t want sex with dh ever again, I feel certain. I just can’t go back there, I don’t think of him like that at all, but how selfish is it to end a marriage over it? When there are children involved. I don’t understand why he isn’t more bothered himself.
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Relationships
I don’t want sex with dh...but I do miss sex
Sweetsangria · 19/08/2020 19:49
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