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Do you know many (any?) truly happy single people?

(93 Posts)
cheezy Wed 19-Aug-20 16:50:16

As I sat in a zoom meeting with a bank of faces in front of me, I realised that I was the only person in that group with no partner. I didn't feel at all sad about this, but thought how interesting it is that as humans we do tend to couple up and it's the 'done thing'. I'm recently single and at an age where I need to crack on ASAP with finding a partner to have children with - if that's what I want, but I find myself really content being on my own. It's quite a surprise to me. I have had moments of real angst about this in the past and in those moments I try to remember people I know who are single and/ or childless and who lead fulfilling, full lives. I have an actual list somewhere. I really think it's possible to live like this, but I feel a bit of a freak for thinking this (or maybe I'm projecting)

I have one friend (male) who has always been single, never ever had a partner and swears he prefers it this way, but I don't know anyone else like this. Other than religious people who've chosen a single life as a calling.
They're not very common are they, truly happy single people.

OP’s posts: |
Brianna85 Wed 19-Aug-20 16:57:14

Hi Cheezy,

My Gran lived alone and was single since her husband died over 45 years, I remember when I was little I stayed at her flat which was always clean and pristine. I asked her if she was lonely, and she told me that she was incredibly lucky, that she never gets lonely and is at her most comfortable in her own space in her own presence. She was very happy, she did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, travelled, I never saw her unhappy.

I believe I will be the same once my breakup actually sets in. I prefer my own company to the company of others, and men just aren't worth the hassle or stress that comes with them. So I think I'll stay single for the rest of my life. Though I'm not going to say I'm single - I'm in a relationship, a happy one, with myself.

DiddlySquatty Wed 19-Aug-20 16:58:26

Not sure I do
But not sure I know many genuinely happy attached people either

GettingItWrong Wed 19-Aug-20 17:13:25

Brianna85

Gosh, you could be describing my grandma.

She wasn't lonely because she had so many good friends. She travelled the world. She was single for 36 years after my grandad died until she also passed away. I asked her once if she ever wanted a boyfriend. She told me that she'd married the man she loved and was still married to him so no.

She was an attractive and self sufficient woman. Financially secure and happy. She never mentioned her single status unless one of us asked her. She was always happy and content.

I aspire to be her.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese Wed 19-Aug-20 17:20:07

My sister in law.

I've never met a more happy or contented person.

It amazes my mum because for whatever reason she can't comprehend why anyone would like to be alone. She is forever asking if SIL has met someone, but she's the same with DB, who is equally happy focusing on his career at the moment.

I also know a couple of unhappy single people and equally know a few happy couples and a few unhappy couples.

fatgirlslimmer Wed 19-Aug-20 17:22:05

Yes I do, mostly younger people who are setting out on their career or older people who have separated after being unhappy as a couple for many years.

I think loneliness is not necessarily limited to single people, there are those who are lonely in their marriage. Not everyone who is single is lonely and not all couples are happy.

There may have been people in that meeting who envy your singledom.

something2say Wed 19-Aug-20 17:27:09

I agree that older people can be happy single. I think we're sold this idea that we must settle down with someone, but it's only one way of life.

MintyCedric Wed 19-Aug-20 17:29:59

I've been single for 4 years and am quite happy on my own.

Not sure I want to be single forever and I do miss the sex, but otherwise am not fussed about being in a relationship.

I think having been married and have a child there is an element of 'been there, done that' and I might feel differently if I hadn't done those things.

sociallydistained Wed 19-Aug-20 17:30:14

I'm in relationship now but a 2 year gap after my last breakup and honestly had the best few years of my life. I felt completely free and focused on myself. I'm trying to bring those changes I made into my new relationship but still feel that little loss of freedom. I travelled all over and absolutely loved life. I'd be fine to be single again honestly!

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking Wed 19-Aug-20 17:31:01

Yes I do, several in their late 40s and 50s who have been in marriages and long term relationships and are now visibly very happy to only have themselves to please.

I have a very happy marriage but if something were to happen I would not want to live with anyone again. So a relationship, maybe, but not the kind of co-habiting coupledom we seem to aspire to in our 20s and 30s.

Infullbloom Wed 19-Aug-20 17:33:00

Yes, me and I've been single a long time and absolutely plan on staying that way. I never bought into the idea I needed a man and it turns out I don't.

DianaT1969 Wed 19-Aug-20 17:33:43

I was living with someone and I was lonely for the last year. We broke up and I was excited to be single. I like my own company and never felt lonely. I travelled and enjoyed my work and did what I want, when I want. I'm with someone now, but wouldn't be afraid to be single again. I don't think many men are worth the trouble of shovelling through the dross of online dating profiles and their lazy, entitled expectations that all women should accept the rank of 'friend with benefits'.

SoulofanAggron Wed 19-Aug-20 17:36:09

I love it. So peaceful and relaxing to have my own space and not be at the mercy of someone else's moods.

Rogertherabbits Wed 19-Aug-20 17:37:18

Me. I'm in my late 40s and have been single for a good 10 years and am very happy. Before that my longest relationship was about 2 years and never really made me happy. I think I've always been destined to be single. I was brought up in a very traditional house where marriage and children was the expected life pattern. Then when I was 18, I had a gap year in Australia, stayed in lots of hostels and met several older women who weren't married with kids and who were travelling independently and having a great time. I remember feeling a sense of relief when I realised that actually there were other ways to live and that I didn't have to be half of a couple to have a happy life. Now, I'm happy with an occasional no strings fling if I can get one, but I can't imagine having a partner unless they lived a long, long way away and I only saw them once every few weeks.

LirBan Wed 19-Aug-20 17:38:01

As women get older they realise that they have got used to it, feel less pressure, dont have to run around after a manchild etc

Im 50 and i feel lucky to be single now. Id hate some boring average husband living under my roof. Ive my own job and house and i look forward to future.
Society conditioned me to look for a relationship for years. Never found a good enough relationship/man.
Such a pointlesss waste of at least 25 years when it was always on the back of my mind that i needed to fix being single.
Wasnt even lonely.

merryhouse Wed 19-Aug-20 17:41:15

I know several single people who don't make any attempt at finding a relationship, so I assume they're ok with it - I've never asked grin

I wouldn't have bothered getting married if I hadn't wanted children, and won't look for another partner if I outlive this one.

Both my grannys were widows all the time I knew them, and while I wouldn't assume they were happy about that (tho mind you...) they seemed quite content with life, at least until stroke/dementia.

MintyCedric Wed 19-Aug-20 17:41:36

I don't think many men are worth the trouble of shovelling through the dross of online dating profiles

My thoughts exactly. If its going to happen I'd rather meet someone and let it evolve naturally, even if that probably is a bit unrealistic these days.

twentytwentyvision Wed 19-Aug-20 17:42:47

I've never felt so at peace as I do now, being single. I feel like I ought to think differently and want a partner but I just don't. The idea of having to share a space and deal with someone else's moods scares me. The loneliest I've ever felt in my life was when I was cooped up in a room with exH. Being at home with him felt like the loneliest place in the world

Hermanfromguesswho Wed 19-Aug-20 17:50:19

I’m really content being single. I’ve been on my own 4 years now and love my own space. I’m genuinely happy with my life

something2say Wed 19-Aug-20 17:52:07

I got engaged a year ago and we moved in shortly afterwards. After 11 years living alone, that was a shock and i did question whether i wanted to be married. I've decided yes, but have a newfound respect for the life of the woman with a lovely job, sweet, warm, clean, well organized home which is decorated solely to her taste, and a series of lovers and wonderful holidays over the years. I used to love having a friend round for a good night, then spending the next few nights in alone, in bed by 9, all content reading or watching tv.

I think more people realise this is quite nice. As it is, my fiance is often out or watching his tv in the living room. I haven't yet managed to get him to drop fewer crumbs tho!

WanderingMilly Wed 19-Aug-20 18:06:12

I've been single for a number of years, I really like being single and wouldn't change it at all. Lots of freedom to do what I want, change career, move house and so on, without having to factor in anyone else. Really like my own company and happily travel alone. I have lots of friends and (pre-pandemic) loads of folk to meet up with and chat to/go out/spend a day with, so don't feel lonely.

Obviously I have all the worries that anyone might have....money, health, work and so on, but none of my troubles are related to being single, and I'm always pleased there's only me to worry about!

noego Wed 19-Aug-20 18:12:58

You're never lonely when you love the one you live with smile

BK187 Wed 19-Aug-20 18:21:45

I’m happy single. Relationships bore me after a few years.

FifteenToes Wed 19-Aug-20 18:26:00

Yeah I know plenty of happy singletons - particularly gay people whose life ambitions weren't formed in the first place by buying into the idea that marriage+children makes you whole. But some straight people too.

People who have been married 20+ years and are still happy are rarer, IMO.

Relationships are a pain in the arse, basically.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 19-Aug-20 18:26:13

I'm one.

Very very happy on my own (paying all the bills solo is a bit pants, but I'd rather pay all and dictate how much electricity is used/what food is eaten). Just me and my dog in my own little house (which I could only buy because my mum left me money).

I am never going to put up with anyone I am not related to by blood in my space again!

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