Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
Visitors causing worry(2 Posts)
I am posting this because I am not sure whether to try and help the guests we have staying with us, or whether to just leave them be?
My husband has known this couple for years. Before we had kids they would often do activities together - many happy memories. They are staying for a week.
Every morning we ask if they have anything they’d like to do for the day and they are very non-committal, so we organise a trip to a beach or similar, for which they seem to have very little enthusiasm. When we arrive wife checks out and goes for a walk or spends time on her phone organising an exercise activity for herself. All childcare (kids 2 and 5 yrs) is left to her husband who is v. quiet - a bit hard to tell what he is thinking.
Back at home wife often goes off on her own again and reappears after the children have had tea. Neither seems to be particularly enjoying the countryside like they used to.
I thought about suggesting they go for a night out together and we babysit – but wife insists on sitting with the children as they go to sleep. Her husband did mention that he thought the kids would be okay if just left in the bedroom to get on with going to sleep on their own – but he seems to have to do everything the way his wife wants. I think that the kids wake them up a bit a night and they are tired most of the time.
My husband took his friend out last night and asked if he was okay. He just replied that his wife gets really cross if she doesn’t get to do some exercise every day. They’ve never had a row while they’ve been here and when together seem to get on very well, but I can’t help thinking that if things were turned round and the man were checking out of all the family time to do his own thing and the wife looked a bit sad this would cause big alarm.
I am not sure whether to just leave them to it or whether to try and help? It is just so sad to see old friends looking so worn down.
Fuschiamum. What a difficult position to find yourselves in. I feel that you are tip toeing around the situation and maybe a direct approach with her if you feel able - woman to woman? Maybe just a simple are you OK backed up with you guys seem to be on different pages at the moment? Regrettably if they don't want to look at the situation honestly themselves then there may not be anyway forward in terms of offering assistance.
Please login first.