My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

His antagonistic behaviour is sending me into a rage.

22 replies

Ferrerobero · 19/08/2020 13:14

DH seems to flirt with me through antagonising me.
I hate it.
He will finish my sentences with stuff that I wasn't about to say with this stupid smug smirk on his face and find silly little flaws in my comments with the same smug look on his face. He also gets right up in my personal space when he does it and he's a big guy.
I've thrown a spoon across the kitchen today after wanting to punch him. I'm frustrated at not being able to communicate what I'm trying to say and massively irritated by the silly smug look on his face and his body being in my personal space when he does it. I dream of kicking him in the bollocks or punching him in his smug face when he does it. I managed to throw a spoon instead!

I fucking hate being "playfully" antagonised. It's not fun, it's not banter.
It's annoying.
Rant over.

OP posts:
Report
AnyFucker · 19/08/2020 13:17

Errr...

Report
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/08/2020 13:31

He's a bully - why are you putting up with it?

Report
Deathraystare · 19/08/2020 13:32

Do the same to him with an even stupider expression on your face!

Report
mbosnz · 19/08/2020 13:33

Does he realise the only person he's making a fool of, is himself, with his infantile behaviour?

Report
SuperbMonkey · 19/08/2020 13:57

My ex left me last year. The smug, smirking smile on his face throughout the long relationship was a red flag. It expressed his deeply held contempt for me. This contempt was eventually expressed in cruelty and an affair with an old girlfriend. I’m divorcing him now. I’m not saying that your DH is the same. I am saying that we get used to emotional abuse like getting used to the temperature of cold water. Some men get off on feeling powerful over women, particularly strong women, and you sound as if you know your own mind. The body language is an alert to you to take the best of care of yourself, including making sure you have money you can access easily if you need to.

I tried talking to my ex, but he wasn’t interested (another red flag). If you haven’t spoken to him about his behaviour, ask yourself why when it is making you so angry. If you have, and he has not tried to change, another red flag. I should say though that the smug smirk is difficult to drop. It’s an inbuilt, automatic reaction to feeling superior to another person. If it’s a regular occurrence you may be better off accepting that he’s showing you who he is, right now, in the present.

Good luck! I am happier not having to look at the smirk. It will haunt me until my dying day.

Report
Thingsdogetbetter · 19/08/2020 13:59

He's not flirting. He's not joking around. He's goading you. He's doing it deliberately to push you into a rage. That way he's got some kind of moral high ground, in his mind , and you are the unstable, angry and volatile bad guy.

However, that said, you need to find a way to manage your reaction that isn't volatile. As him pressing your buttons is not an excuse for getting physical. I would suggest grey rock until you can organise the divorce.

Report
StyleandBeautyfail · 19/08/2020 14:58

Flirting ?
This isnt flirting its goading and contempt.
Hes enjoying winding you up.
Usually ends up with you losing it and "Omg shes a crazy Bitch" to everyone else.
This is deeply toxic and you need to get out.

Report
WizardOfAus · 19/08/2020 15:14

I fucking hate being "playfully" antagonised.

I think you mean, bullied.

Report
updownroundandround · 19/08/2020 16:15

I understand that he is 'goading' you, but I'm afraid YOU are responsible for your own actions, and blaming him for being 'in a rage' is no excuse.

If he's deliberately winding you up, then you've got to stop giving him the reaction he's pushing for.

If he's crowding you, smile sweetly and say nothing.
If he's finishing your sentences, smile sweetly and say nothing, go into another room.
Or go totally grey rock on him.

Daydream about kicking him in the nuts if you must, but wouldn't it just be better and simpler to leave him ?

Report
Bananalanacake · 19/08/2020 16:34

Don't bother talking to him then. When he tries to talk to you say, "oh, yeah, uuummm" just make it clear you don't care what he's on about.

Report
iMatter · 19/08/2020 16:47

Blimey - that is NOT flirting

Next time he does it walk away, the second he starts

He's a dickhead

Report
SandyY2K · 19/08/2020 16:56

You need to take control of yourself and for your own behaviour.

If he antagonises you to this extent, you shouldn't be with him.

Feeling you why to punch him and throwing things around is not a healthy state of affairs.

Report
SandyY2K · 19/08/2020 16:58

Typo

Feeling you WANT to punch him

Report
Regularsizedrudy · 19/08/2020 17:13

It doesn’t sound like you like each other. Why are you together?

Report
PicsInRed · 19/08/2020 19:41

He is The Headworker.

"The Headworker –The Headworker uses emotional abuse to control his partner. He may tell her she is ugly, stupid, fat. He may never use physical violence. He may never need to! He has all the control he wants and needs by being coercively controlling and emotionally abusive to a point where she will lose all self confidence and self esteem."

This man winds the victim up on purpose until she explodes, then claims that she is the abusive party. These men use your bad temper (they'll wind you up right before you visit friends and family) to convince them that he's lovely and you're horrid to him.

Save yourself a miserable life and just leave.

Report
Bunnymumy · 19/08/2020 19:48

Maybe stop lying to yourself that this is how he flirts. He is actually a nasty, arrogant, spiteful shit who enjoys distressing you.

Normal people don't smirk much btw. As pp said, it shows contempt. Stop trying to rationalise it into a box of 'oh but he must care about me because otherwise why is he with me?'. He enjoys stepping on you, that's why. Because he is a snug, narcissistic son of a...

Report
Bunnymumy · 19/08/2020 19:48

*smug

Report
Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 19:51

Yep that’s goading. Then he is getting in your personal space so you can’t get out of the scene.

He sounds lovely

Report
Vodkacranberryplease · 19/08/2020 20:12

Next time he does it answer with I want a divorce. He keeps going you say I think you should be the one to move out/Ill move out. He keeps going say Ill speak to a solicitor tomorrow but want this wrapped up by the end of the week. Its usually a 50/50 split of assets. Etc etc.

What a cunt.

Deliver these lines with a coldly angry look that means business. Then go out with friends or even away for the night if you can.

Report
AnyFucker · 19/08/2020 20:17

You both sound like aggressive nightmares, tbh

Report
MikeUniformMike · 19/08/2020 20:20

He's goading you. It is bullying.
He's trying to wind you up so that you will explode.
You'll be the psycho ex that he only hit out of self defence.

Tell him to stop finishing your sentences. Gather what you need to leave, see a solicitor and start divorce procedings.

Report
MactheRover · 19/08/2020 20:30

He is a world class cunt, get rid of him

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.