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His antagonistic behaviour is sending me into a rage.

(23 Posts)
Ferrerobero Wed 19-Aug-20 13:14:43

DH seems to flirt with me through antagonising me.
I hate it.
He will finish my sentences with stuff that I wasn't about to say with this stupid smug smirk on his face and find silly little flaws in my comments with the same smug look on his face. He also gets right up in my personal space when he does it and he's a big guy.
I've thrown a spoon across the kitchen today after wanting to punch him. I'm frustrated at not being able to communicate what I'm trying to say and massively irritated by the silly smug look on his face and his body being in my personal space when he does it. I dream of kicking him in the bollocks or punching him in his smug face when he does it. I managed to throw a spoon instead!

I fucking hate being "playfully" antagonised. It's not fun, it's not banter.
It's annoying.
Rant over.

OP’s posts: |
AnyFucker Wed 19-Aug-20 13:17:30

Errr...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Wed 19-Aug-20 13:31:54

He's a bully - why are you putting up with it?

Deathraystare Wed 19-Aug-20 13:32:20

Do the same to him with an even stupider expression on your face!

mbosnz Wed 19-Aug-20 13:33:26

Does he realise the only person he's making a fool of, is himself, with his infantile behaviour?

SuperbMonkey Wed 19-Aug-20 13:57:42

My ex left me last year. The smug, smirking smile on his face throughout the long relationship was a red flag. It expressed his deeply held contempt for me. This contempt was eventually expressed in cruelty and an affair with an old girlfriend. I’m divorcing him now. I’m not saying that your DH is the same. I am saying that we get used to emotional abuse like getting used to the temperature of cold water. Some men get off on feeling powerful over women, particularly strong women, and you sound as if you know your own mind. The body language is an alert to you to take the best of care of yourself, including making sure you have money you can access easily if you need to.

I tried talking to my ex, but he wasn’t interested (another red flag). If you haven’t spoken to him about his behaviour, ask yourself why when it is making you so angry. If you have, and he has not tried to change, another red flag. I should say though that the smug smirk is difficult to drop. It’s an inbuilt, automatic reaction to feeling superior to another person. If it’s a regular occurrence you may be better off accepting that he’s showing you who he is, right now, in the present.

Good luck! I am happier not having to look at the smirk. It will haunt me until my dying day.

Thingsdogetbetter Wed 19-Aug-20 13:59:33

He's not flirting. He's not joking around. He's goading you. He's doing it deliberately to push you into a rage. That way he's got some kind of moral high ground, in his mind , and you are the unstable, angry and volatile bad guy.

However, that said, you need to find a way to manage your reaction that isn't volatile. As him pressing your buttons is not an excuse for getting physical. I would suggest grey rock until you can organise the divorce.

StyleandBeautyfail Wed 19-Aug-20 14:58:29

Flirting ?
This isnt flirting its goading and contempt.
Hes enjoying winding you up.
Usually ends up with you losing it and "Omg shes a crazy Bitch" to everyone else.
This is deeply toxic and you need to get out.

WizardOfAus Wed 19-Aug-20 15:14:08

I fucking hate being "playfully" antagonised.

I think you mean, bullied.

updownroundandround Wed 19-Aug-20 16:15:19

I understand that he is 'goading' you, but I'm afraid YOU are responsible for your own actions, and blaming him for being 'in a rage' is no excuse.

If he's deliberately winding you up, then you've got to stop giving him the reaction he's pushing for.

If he's crowding you, smile sweetly and say nothing.
If he's finishing your sentences, smile sweetly and say nothing, go into another room.
Or go totally grey rock on him.

Daydream about kicking him in the nuts if you must, but wouldn't it just be better and simpler to leave him ?

Bananalanacake Wed 19-Aug-20 16:34:53

Don't bother talking to him then. When he tries to talk to you say, "oh, yeah, uuummm" just make it clear you don't care what he's on about.

iMatter Wed 19-Aug-20 16:47:16

Blimey - that is NOT flirting

Next time he does it walk away, the second he starts

He's a dickhead

SandyY2K Wed 19-Aug-20 16:56:21

You need to take control of yourself and for your own behaviour.

If he antagonises you to this extent, you shouldn't be with him.

Feeling you why to punch him and throwing things around is not a healthy state of affairs.

SandyY2K Wed 19-Aug-20 16:58:27

Typo

Feeling you WANT to punch him

Regularsizedrudy Wed 19-Aug-20 17:13:48

It doesn’t sound like you like each other. Why are you together?

PicsInRed Wed 19-Aug-20 19:41:02

He is The Headworker.

"The Headworker –The Headworker uses emotional abuse to control his partner. He may tell her she is ugly, stupid, fat. He may never use physical violence. He may never need to! He has all the control he wants and needs by being coercively controlling and emotionally abusive to a point where she will lose all self confidence and self esteem."

This man winds the victim up on purpose until she explodes, then claims that she is the abusive party. These men use your bad temper (they'll wind you up right before you visit friends and family) to convince them that he's lovely and you're horrid to him.

Save yourself a miserable life and just leave.

Bunnymumy Wed 19-Aug-20 19:48:04

Maybe stop lying to yourself that this is how he flirts. He is actually a nasty, arrogant, spiteful shit who enjoys distressing you.

Normal people don't smirk much btw. As pp said, it shows contempt. Stop trying to rationalise it into a box of 'oh but he must care about me because otherwise why is he with me?'. He enjoys stepping on you, that's why. Because he is a snug, narcissistic son of a...

Bunnymumy Wed 19-Aug-20 19:48:51

*smug

Chezacheza Wed 19-Aug-20 19:51:16

Yep that’s goading. Then he is getting in your personal space so you can’t get out of the scene.

He sounds lovely

Vodkacranberryplease Wed 19-Aug-20 20:12:38

Next time he does it answer with I want a divorce. He keeps going you say I think you should be the one to move out/Ill move out. He keeps going say Ill speak to a solicitor tomorrow but want this wrapped up by the end of the week. Its usually a 50/50 split of assets. Etc etc.

What a cunt.

Deliver these lines with a coldly angry look that means business. Then go out with friends or even away for the night if you can.

AnyFucker Wed 19-Aug-20 20:17:23

You both sound like aggressive nightmares, tbh

MikeUniformMike Wed 19-Aug-20 20:20:58

He's goading you. It is bullying.
He's trying to wind you up so that you will explode.
You'll be the psycho ex that he only hit out of self defence.

Tell him to stop finishing your sentences. Gather what you need to leave, see a solicitor and start divorce procedings.

MactheRover Wed 19-Aug-20 20:30:15

He is a world class cunt, get rid of him

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