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(36 Posts)
Dreamerland Tue 18-Aug-20 21:57:47

Do all working mums cook 7 nights a week?Is there any help from partner.
Would like to hear how others cope.

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Tue 18-Aug-20 22:32:58

Working Mum, but single, so yes I do cook when home, if I had a partner, I'd expect him to do half of it though.

Dreamerland Tue 18-Aug-20 23:04:56

Im asking as my partner expects me to cook every evening,even after i have worked most of the day.
He is not working at the moment,i feel he could take that strain from me.
But he waits for me to finish work to cook to ask me what is fot tea and then rushes me to cook it as he has to go somewhere.

OP’s posts: |
mindutopia Tue 18-Aug-20 23:05:57

I do cook most nights. That’s not in any way because dh is unable or unwilling to cook. Actually, he gets annoyed with me that I insist on doing it. I just really enjoy cooking and find it relaxing - also means he gets to deal with grumpy hungry children and breaking up their scuffles while I enjoy my peace in the kitchen! He does breakfast most days though and roughly half of packed lunches.

In normal times though, I work long days 3 days a week so he does all the cooking on those days.

redastherose Tue 18-Aug-20 23:09:41

If he's not working then making dinner should be his job along with the housework unless he's also looking after small children! Why are you letting him treat you like a servant.

Dreamerland Tue 18-Aug-20 23:29:29

I think he should be helping as he does not do anything whilst he is off work.
If he was in work then i usually dont mind.
I think he has got so use to me doing it for all these years he is still expecting it when he is off work and im working.
I have tried to talk to him about it but he just acts like im moaning about nothing.

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Tue 18-Aug-20 23:39:47

You need to stop doing it, clearly he sees your role as merely servant to his needs, he's a lazy bastard. Come home, cook for yourself ( or eat out on the way home), just tell him at least to sort himself out if cooking for you is too much for him.

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink Tue 18-Aug-20 23:41:36

Id be telling him to fuck right off if I were you.
Whilst making dinner for myself.

Weenurse Tue 18-Aug-20 23:44:43

Shared job in our house.
Roster on kitchen door as to who cooks or cleans or feeds dog each night.
DD2 cooks Monday, I cook Tuesday and Thursday, DD1 cooks Wednesday, DH cooks Saturday and Sunday. Take away on Friday.
Whoever cooks, does not clean the kitchen that night.
DD’s cooking since ages 7&8.
He needs to step up.
Cleaning also rostered in our house.
Everyone does their own washing

Offside Tue 18-Aug-20 23:49:48

We share equally, I would say my DH slightly edges it with who cooks the most for both of us as sometimes he won’t want what I’m planning to cook so we see to ourselves.

But I wouldn’t accepting a zero contribution, especially if he was at home all day.

RedSoloCup Wed 19-Aug-20 00:00:51

Weenurse

That sounds good what kind of things do your DD cook?

I always find the shopping for them to cook hard work 😓

I cook most nights atm and it's annoying but I only work part time.

DeRigueurMortis Wed 19-Aug-20 00:02:55

I do all the cooking but that's because I enjoy it and frankly don't like anything DH makes apart from his bacon sandwiches grin....he also works very hard (as do I) and does all the post meal tidying up.

If he was sat at home all day I'd be pretty pissed off that he didn't make an effort to improve his cooking skills.

The thing non cooks don't realise is that the cooking part isn't the hard bit imho.

It's the meal planning prior to that, so working out what you are going to eat, what ingredients you'll need, shopping for it and the cooking it in the right order so that the food stuffs that have a shorter shelf life get eaten first.

So no YANBU.

In response you can suggest he buys a "starter" cook book so he can learn or alternatively there are a load of videos on YouTube that explain various recipes in detail.

If that has no impact I'd simply start sorting my own food out and let him starve until he gets the message.....

MarkRuffaloCrumble Wed 19-Aug-20 00:13:30

He’s a lazy shit. Bad enough that he’s not sharing the cooking, but as he’s not working he should be doing the majority of it.

I’m a single parent so have to cook every day, but when my DP comes over he will either bring food to cook or order takeaway. He certainly wouldn’t expect me to cater for him every day and he works a lot more than I do.

I’m pretty sure this will be the tip of the iceberg for you, if you really think about it, what are you getting out of this relationship at the moment? What does he bring to the table generally?

SoulofanAggron Wed 19-Aug-20 00:22:51

If he's not working then he should be doing all the cooking, unless you are the type of person who genuinely enjoys it (for most people it's a chore.)

When you're both working then he should be doing half of it.

SoulofanAggron Wed 19-Aug-20 00:24:19

Unless he does other chores instead when he's working, of course, that take a similar amount of time/effort.

Weenurse Wed 19-Aug-20 00:25:02

@RedSoloCup when they were young DD1 would do lamb chops covered with a packet of French onion soup sprinkled over. Pillowed in foil so cooks in own juices. Baked potatoes and salad.
She was a lazy cook so that dish, she could put in the oven at the same time, set at 160 degrees Celsius and cook for an hour. Bought salad mix and she was done.
DD2 would do spaghetti bol with salad. I would drain pasta.
We had these meals each week for over a year before they ventured out to a children’s cook book. I found cooking helped them learn their weights and measures.
Meal boxes are also a good way to go as they can follow simple instructions and everything you need is there.
DD1 is now 24 and still does not like to cook, but does very simple recipes.
DD2 likes to cook and makes everything from scratch, including Mac and cheese and tomato soup. She even oven roasts her tomatoes.
She made gnocchi with mushrooms, bacon and tomato for her work lunches this week, I have ready meals for mine 🤣

Weenurse Wed 19-Aug-20 00:27:58

@Dreamerland I think you need to have a discussion about what the stay at home partner is required to do.
If he does not know how to cook, start with some meal boxes and cook with him until he learns.
Or send him in the direction of YouTube
Good luck

Dreamerland Wed 19-Aug-20 17:19:43

Thank you for all your comments.
Im going wrong somewhere.
Its not just the cooking i think the fact he does nothing is starting to mentally drain me and just the fact he thinks as im the women i have to do everything.
Ive just realised there is no way to switch my situation around and work together at all.
So dont know what to really do next.
As ive tryed not to do things to see if he helps and it dont work he just shouts and doesnt do them.

OP’s posts: |
Divoc2020 Wed 19-Aug-20 17:37:53

We alternate, and if we get a takeway/go out the person for that night does the next night instead.
DH works from home, so has no commute and 'comes in' from the shed at the bottom of the garden at about 6pm.

That said, he is still pretty grumpy about having to do it a lot of the time and will still try to shift the mental load to me by saying things like, "<sigh> is there anything obvious you planned for dinner this evening?" and he can look at a full fridge and say "we've got nothing to eat"
He never thinks ahead, so in reality he only every cooks rice/pasta/oven meals which take hardly any time. It's only me that plans ahead for a roast, or to defrost something from the freezer.

I also do all the food ordering/shopping and although I always ask if there's anything he wants me to order for the week ahead he always says, "oh just the usual" leaving me again with the mental load to make the decisions.

Bananalanacake Wed 19-Aug-20 17:41:13

How long have you been together. Is he looking for work or is he on furlough

Nanny0gg Wed 19-Aug-20 17:42:20

Dreamerland

Thank you for all your comments.
Im going wrong somewhere.
Its not just the cooking i think the fact he does nothing is starting to mentally drain me and just the fact he thinks as im the women i have to do everything.
Ive just realised there is no way to switch my situation around and work together at all.
So dont know what to really do next.
As ive tryed not to do things to see if he helps and it dont work he just shouts and doesnt do them.

Simple. Stop 'Doing'

Let him shout.

If you have children, cook for you and them. Shop for you and them. Wash and sort clothes for you and them.

Do not lift a finger for the lazy arse.

SortingItOut Wed 19-Aug-20 18:14:31

@Dreamerland
Why are you letting him be so selfish and shout at you?

If you dont do something because you want him to, and then he shouts at you, that doesnt mean you then do it.
He has learned that by shouting you back down.

You are in an abusive relationship if he wont even let you discuss your feelings.

I bet its not just the cooking and housework which is an issue hows your sex life? How are the finances managed?

What is your home situation? Kids? House owned or rented?

DeRigueurMortis Wed 19-Aug-20 18:41:44

Dreamerland

Thank you for all your comments.
Im going wrong somewhere.
Its not just the cooking i think the fact he does nothing is starting to mentally drain me and just the fact he thinks as im the women i have to do everything.
Ive just realised there is no way to switch my situation around and work together at all.
So dont know what to really do next.
As ive tryed not to do things to see if he helps and it dont work he just shouts and doesnt do them.



He shouts at you when he's "busy" being a lazy fucker angry

He's got a nerve....

Upshot it isn't going to get better unless you do something and under those circumstances I wouldn't let my DH shout at me.

You sound like life would be easier without this nasty, lazy, selfish man so you get a LTB from me.

Life's to short to "slave" for someone who has no care, love or empathy for you. thanks

Brianna85 Wed 19-Aug-20 18:45:30

I cook every night, and make packed lunches at weekends I make breakfast too.

He can cook, just chooses not to.

However on the rare occasion I ivercook something, he will complain and say it was horrible and then tell me he's going to start cooking, that he enjoys cooking - makes it out as if I've taken a passion of his away from him!

Then the next day it's the regular routine and I make dinner only I'm careful not to overcook it.

Sakurami Wed 19-Aug-20 18:48:27

Does his penis stop him from cooking and cleaning?? Tell the lazy shite that he should do the cooking in the week and the majority of the housework since he's doing bugger all. And when he goes back to work you can share it equally.

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