Can I just write this down somewhere - TW child abuse

(4 Posts)
JustAPizza Mon 17-Aug-20 15:40:00

I just need to write down my thoughts somewhere, I don't know if this is the best board for it but I wasn't sure where else to put it.

I'll try to keep it short. When I was young (about 6/7) there was a group of children who all used to play together on my road.

A gentleman who lived on our road with his wife was a scientist and made children's exhibits for museums and school events etc... Because of this, a lot of the children on our street used to spend time at his house where he'd show us all these cool things and experiments.

Anyway, since I've been an adult I've always felt uneasy about him and have distanced myself despite my parents still living on the street.

I have been contacted recently by one of the children to say there is a police investigation ongoing as a few of the children (his own child included) have made complaints about him touching them inappropriately and taking indecent photographs and whether I remember anything. It has also been revealed that he had been arrested previously about 15 years before we ever used to go round for something similar but wasn't enough evidence to charge or something like that.

I feel absolutely sick. I was often there on my own. I don't remember anything happening to me but I don't remember a lot of that time other than being there. I remember being in his office alone with him a lot and perhaps sitting on his knee but I can't be sure. I can't remember any specific incidents and certainly not enough to say anything definitely happened to me.

I feel absolutely terrible for these women that have come forward, my old friends from childhood, to know that was happening possibly when I was there or at the very least when we were all playing together.

I feel so sick as well that something could have happened to me that I just don't remember.

I feel like I have one memory of being in their bath, I've always thought it, but I really can't pin point whether that was true or whether I was just in their bathroom at some point, maybe using the loo. I don't feel comfortable in that memory enough to actually say it to anyone and I don't remember anyone being in the bathroom with me. I don't want my mind to start playing tricks on me now I know the truth as well.

I'm not sure what I'm asking or want, I just wanted to write it down as I feel so uneasy knowing this went on so close and that there is even a small possibility I was involved.

OP’s posts: |
JustAPizza Mon 17-Aug-20 15:42:47

I also told my parents when I was older (teen still living at home) that I didn't like them and didn't want to speak to them but I couldn't say why. I just didn't.

OP’s posts: |
rumred Mon 17-Aug-20 15:53:17

Hi @JustAPizza that sounds like an awful situation to be in. Could you access some counselling to help you work through it?
I'd be honest with the others, just say what you've written here, there's no shame in not remembering or it not happening.
Wishing you luck

Sakurami Mon 17-Aug-20 16:50:32

OP I would be honest with them and tell them what you remember. Maybe also look into any help you could get to process it?

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