Married for 25 years with 3 teenage children. I am not happy in my marriage but feel paralyzed about ending it. 2 nights ago he had a flip out over me buying a cucumber as he had some growing in the greenhouse (after a gallstone attack I wanted a week of soup and salad so wanted more than we had growing). Told me to fuck off, that I was ungrateful for the effort he puts into it and that he was so angry he could hit me. (I am not scared of him or that he would do it). My son then stood up for me and told him how he overreacted and that it was my money anyway - DH doesn't work (officially a role reversal many years ago, although the kids were already at school so it wasn't that much he had to do, and still never took over his share of the house stuff) and it has become clear that he has no intention of doing this (he says whats the point when I can earn more in a few hours than he would in a job he hates for a full day and there are going to be no jobs anyway - although as a SE person there are many non paid hours so this isn't strictly true). Ended up with him saying he was going to leave - I was glad. But after a few hours he was telling me how sorry he was, that his head hasn't been in the right place, that he doesn't deserve me etc. . DH is very affectionate, tells me how beautiful I am, how I am the best thing that has ever happened to him etc but it's easy to say this when I don't feel he puts effort into the big things. He knows I am unhappy, we have talked about the future and what I would like and he says all the right things and that he wants that too but I don't believe he will ever put in his share of the effort. He goes in cycles of being super loving and then being miserable or flying off the handle and the smallest thing (MH issues but not an excuse). This post makes him sound worse than he is - he does have good points, but they don't eliminate the bad ones. Don't want to put up with these cycles anymore but now he is all sweetness and light, even inviting my parents out for dinner (unheard of). I am always the people pleaser, and so annoyed with myself that I didn't tell him to take a running jump when this kicked off. Now it's like nothing has happened from his point of view. Due to be away for a "romantic" few days next week....
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Relationships
He threated to leave then didn't - wish he had gone
9 replies
pattycakes99 · 17/08/2020 09:02
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