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What is love like? I don’t think I’ve ever experienced it...do you have to be perfect to find it?

(9 Posts)
User36405 Sun 16-Aug-20 21:39:01

Just the title really.

I think I was in love many years ago but I’ve been single a long time and now mid thirties and can’t even imagine what it’s like. A true, lasting, mutual love where you are sure about someone? Do you need to be flawless and perfect to have a proper love?

I can’t imagine it yet long to share my life with someone. It seems like something I can’t even picture.

OP’s posts: |
London1001 Sun 16-Aug-20 21:48:08

Always a very tricky one to answer. To be brutally honest I have only properly loved two women in my life and if I am really honest my shortcomings in the looks department have made the whole thing so frustrating and heartbreaking. I think real love is for the few, not the many and a lot of people compromise.

The only thing I would say is that having fallen in love ( had my heart soundly broken ) it is the best feeling in the world - simply amazing even just for that one fleeting moment

Didiplanthis Sun 16-Aug-20 21:50:11

Dunno. I've been with DH 20 odd years, married 15. I think we are OK. I had a fairly emotionally abusive childhood and have never managed to let anyone close enough to damage me that badly again. We are fundamentally good friends with the same values. I dont even know that I have managed to break my deep inner shell down to feel complete and perfect love for my children. I would walk through fire for them and they are my world but I feel something is locked inside me that can never be unlocked...

Yukkalye Sun 16-Aug-20 21:52:30

No you don't have to be perfect or flawless. Nobody is. When you love someone you love them for who and what they are, you don't see their flaws or you accept their flaws and love them despite their flaws.

I don't think there's a "one size fits all" definition of love, it's different things to different people. It should be a healthy all-encompassing compassionate selfless emotion. But often I think it isn't. Someone I know claims she loves her dh totally but I see her treating him as a possession and not as a sentient human being in his own right.

I think it is difficult to picture because it's different for all of us. But I hope you find it, and I hope/think you'll recognise it when you do. flowers

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches Mon 17-Aug-20 00:06:03

I’ve often wondered the same OP.

I’d be surprised if I ever am able to get the chance of real love now.

I was in love with a man I was with at uni but he didn’t love me, it was drawn out and messy. I then got together with exh, even though I didn’t really ever love him as such - not in the sense of being in love - and he appeared to love me for a longtime but turned out to be EA.

I think it’s all too late now!

Glamazoni Mon 17-Aug-20 00:17:09

It happened to me once. It felt like I was invincible and nothing else mattered. It lasted about three months and I don’t know why he left me. Afterwards I was broken for years and never really got over it. Was never fortunate enough to experience it again. You don’t have to be perfect - just insanely lucky.

Margotshypotheticaldog Mon 17-Aug-20 00:25:28

This is very interesting. I'm 45 and I have never been in love but I thought I was in the minority. London it's interesting that you feel love is for the few not the many. I had never considered the possibility that there are many others like me.
I only heard of limererance (sp??) in recent years. I experienced that twice and it was like being turned inside out (but in an enjoyable agonising way.....) Pretty sure that's not love!! (I have issues obvs!) Sorry op, I'm no help to you but following with interest 😊

Charles11 Mon 17-Aug-20 00:26:00

No one is perfect and flawless, so no, that’s not a prerequisite for love. Lots of people find it and lots of people don’t.
I think it’s mostly down to chance.
When people are actively ‘looking for love’ by joining dating sites, going out, joining clubs, letting their friends introduce them to people, theyre just maximising their chances.

Belle1983 Mon 17-Aug-20 00:36:15

You don't have to be perfect at all (who is?!) but I do believe 2 imperfect people can be perfect for each other.

I also think love is a spectrum of feelings, and you can't always know if it was true love unless you have something to compare to.
I married my first boyfriend, and thought he was the love of my life... until the divorce and I had to start again!
Now I believe I grew to love my exH, but I don't think I was in love, or the relationship was as right as it should have been. Now I believe I've found something far more equal, supportive and loving with my current DP, although on paper I'd never have put us together!

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