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My ex has got an immediate new life and I’m not coping

(50 Posts)
Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 21:02:36

We broke up in February. My ex has been living with his pregnant girlfriend since June. He met her in March so she got pregnant when they met pretty much. I know without a doubt that he wasn’t seeing her or even knew of her before then. But that’s not relevant really.

How can the man I thought I would marry and who text me wanting to meet and talk things through and get back together all through March, now be living with and having a child with a new person? They have photos everywhere (yes I need to block).

I just don’t know how to deal with this? I feel like he has just got absolutely everything on a plate with so much ease...suddenly happy smiling faces everywhere and pictures of planning new bedroom for the child and everything else you can think of!

I feel sick and so alone. I will block on social media but having this knowledge is making me feel awful and I don’t know how to move past it.

OP’s posts: |
TeaOneSugar Sun 16-Aug-20 21:10:31

Block them both on everything.

IF that's a brand new relationship and they're having a baby that quickly it won't be easy, I can't imagine going through a pregnancy and raising a child with someone you barely know, it's hard enough in a long term relationship. It's easy to imagine he's deliriously happy in his new relationship when in reality he's probably struggling.

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 21:19:43

He’s not struggling, there’s photos everywhere of them smiling away. The only thing different about him is he has a beard now and an immediate family to go with it. I wish I didn’t know.

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BestZebbie Sun 16-Aug-20 21:20:01

The few months of novel sex he got had better have given him some nice memories as they’ll have to last him a while now...

DerbyshireGirly Sun 16-Aug-20 21:26:51

Anybody can smile for a moment on a photo. I tend to think that the people trying hardest to promote how happy they are, are the ones who aren't really all that. If you're living a perfect life you tend to just live it instead of constantly having to share it. You're probably in the back of both of their minds when they're posing for their cheesy photos.

And having very recently been through pregnancy, childbirth and now being parents to a young baby with my husband of many years - you don't want to do this with somebody you barely know. It's very hard.

SansaStarkofWinterfell Sun 16-Aug-20 21:28:32

Social media is not a true reflection of how somebody feels or how happy they are.

It may look happy smiling faces on pictures to be plastered everywhere but that's not always the truth.

I agree with pp, block on everything as it's torture to see and try to move forward with your life. It gets easier with time and self care

echodot Sun 16-Aug-20 21:30:20

Dont rely on Facebook and Instagram to give you a true represention of someones life. I know some hideously unhappy people whose life on FB looks wonderful

It will get better, I promise

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 21:34:47

Thanks everyone.

The last photo I saw before I blocked was them together and she had made it her profile photo. He looked happy and seems to be managing fine so far. I’m a terrible person but I wish he wasn’t managing at all!

OP’s posts: |
FippertyGibbett Sun 16-Aug-20 21:34:56

I imagine he can't live alone so he has replaced you.
Just because he appears happy it doesn’t mean he is.

Justjoshin22 Sun 16-Aug-20 21:44:36

Ah OP, it’s hard. You have my sympathies.
As others have said above, social media doesn’t actually reflect real life. Just remember, if Jennifer Anniston can rise above, so can you! Head held high and don’t look back

litterbird Sun 16-Aug-20 21:49:58

I feel for you. 5 days after mine left his and his new one were plastered all over her Facebook page declaring his undying love for her. He thought I wouldn't see, I did. I said nothing. The photos of them smiling on holiday continued to be plastered all year. 18 months later, still with them happy clappy on SM , he emailed me desperate to come back. I called him out with all the photos and love declarations on FB. He said he was really unhappy but just went along with it to please her. I never went back, his broke up and is now alone after 5 years of leaving me. Don't think for one minute he is 100% happy, she maybe, but don't believe all you see.

Devlesko Sun 16-Aug-20 21:56:17

I think you should pity him, and I'm sure he won't have time for all this when he has responsibilities.
They could both be pretty scared as they hardly know each other.
You are free to live your life the way you want to.

Florawest Sun 16-Aug-20 21:58:17

Even the best of relationships are truly tested once a baby arrives, who knows what their future holds but hopefully he will be a good dad.

A picture is just that second and posed what happens for the other hours of the day.

It is hard for you but you dodged a bullet there I would think as he got with that new woman super fast in every sense, be kind to yourself, don't be in any great hurry to find a new man, it will happen when you have healed a bit, if you can afford it, get a few massages ( if that's what relaxes you)take up a new hobby and give social media a bit of a break and talk talk talk to trusted friend's, we have all gone through break ups and came out the other side ( takes time)

Wishing you all the best.

Sssloou Sun 16-Aug-20 22:11:13

We broke up in February

Was it mutual? Who finished the RS?

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 22:14:49

It just feels so shit. I know a picture is just a picture but they are obviously going out to places and doing things together and seem happy.

I broke up with him. I didn’t want to but felt it was best...he didn’t want to end things and spent weeks trying to talk about getting back together. I started to come round to the idea as he seemed so sincere. Then this happened and I’ve heard nothing from him since. In fact he doesn’t even know (or maybe doesn’t care) that I’ve seen he’s moved in with someone.

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GilbertMarkham Sun 16-Aug-20 22:28:38

Mate, this is the fourth (?) thread.

You need to stop looking at their social media and get some hobbies.

You think it would all have gone delightfully swimmingly wonderfully between you too if you'd gotten back together and she hadn't popped up pregnant but from what I read, I'm not convinced. You ended the relationship previously and he was quite stuck on resentment due to you ending it. It may not have worked out at all.

As another poster said you're fixated/angry because he had something you want .. or rather he appears to have something you want, the partner and family. Spend your energy on recovering and looking for that instead of sm stalking, wailing, self flagellating etc.

Maybe it'll all go to shit for them, it's v early days but you can't depend upon it and even if it did it may still not work out between you and him so concentrate on recovering and enjoying your life, and maybe when you've recovered; dating.

Thus was undoubtedly a shock and very disappointing/hurtful but you sound fixated to the point of unhealthy now. And it dies seem to be about what they appear to have rather than true wuv for him

GilbertMarkham Sun 16-Aug-20 22:30:00

*you two

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 22:32:13

I haven’t posted this before?!

I’m not fixated on it, it’s not nice seeing your ex move in with someone within weeks of a relationship ending!

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GilbertMarkham Sun 16-Aug-20 22:35:13

I'm not trying to be offensive but do you think you need counselling/help?

You can't change what's happened (I think.youre totally idealising your former relationship and "projected" relationship with him anyway), you can only recover and move on.

If it's "meant to be" with yourself and him, I'm sure he'll end up single (though now a dad to at least one child) and you two will have a chance again. Thing is, by then, I doubt you'll want to take it.

You sound absolutely fixated on getting that partner and family .. so.tirn that into some positive, proactive, constructive action in terms of widening and changing your social circle, dating if and when you feel ready, considering how you could change up your life .. maybe a move, maybe a year out, new activities etc.

Who knows what will.hspoej in future but you are not helping yourself here, this is not healthy. You need to detach and concentrate on other things.

GilbertMarkham Sun 16-Aug-20 22:37:33

I haven’t posted this before?!

I'm very sorry if I got that wrong - both the story and the diction are incredibly similar to a poster's who's posted about three times already.

AnaadiNitya Sun 16-Aug-20 22:38:01

Baby isn’t here yet. That’s when the honeymoon period will be well and truly over. They don’t even know each other and they are having a baby? What sane person does that? Having a bad puts so much pressure on well established couples - I’ll be surprised if they last. I just couldn’t think of anything worse tbh.

Also facebook = fakebook. People only post what they want other people to see.

Why did you split up?

Are you sure they wasn’t seeing each other before hand because keeping a baby when your a month or so in is fucking crazy. She has no idea who this man is.

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 22:39:29

No that’s not me I’m afraid. I don’t want him back after this, it’s just been a shock to see him moved on and setting up a new life and hard to accept. I clearly meant very little to him.

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PicsInRed Sun 16-Aug-20 22:46:00

OP he's not just having a rebound, he's having a rebound baby. I mean, my god. He's absolutely crackers and you are well out of it.

Believe me (and the many) that his present situation is highly unlikely to have a happy ending.

Block them, stop torturing yourself with their fabricated social media nonsense. Focus on rebuilding your own life and thank your lucky stars and your good judgment that you swerved him.

Sohurts Sun 16-Aug-20 22:49:23

I’ve blocked them both. I’m just really sad. Jealous I guess. Didn’t see this coming and it’s hard now I know

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Pollypocket89 Sun 16-Aug-20 22:49:58

I too remember a thread exactly like this... Op, maybe search for the thread as it got a lot of replies

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