Advanced search

Should I go on this date (petty problem!)

(58 Posts)
PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:03:15

He’s text and called and said he will sort the restaurant, he’s happy to come to me. I’ve already cancelled on him once before.. work related and he was understanding.

I so want to meet someone and be in a relationship but I’m jaded by it all and frankly feel defensive of the idea of even having to sit with someone new! I want to order takeaway and watch tv alone.

But tomorrow I will be feeling that longing to meet someone as another Sunday passes alone. And so it goes round. When I’m actually on a date I’m usually fine but tonight I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have ANY faith that it will become anything at all anymore.

Urgh feel so conflicted! What to do?

OP’s posts: |
EmmaJR1 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:04:27

Just go!
If it's terrible you have permission to ditch the next one!

Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:04:49

Stop overthinking and just go. If it works out, great. If not, no big deal. You're being your own worst enemy right now.

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:05:36

Haha! God I just don’t know if I can face it! I’m just sat here on the bed thinking about a lamb madras delivered by Uber grin

OP’s posts: |
MadCatLadee Sat 15-Aug-20 18:05:47

Do it! He might surprise you. You can have a night in by yourself anytime.

Sexnotgender Sat 15-Aug-20 18:05:53


I nearly cancelled a date for a stupid reason. Forever grateful I didn’t as I ended up marrying him!

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:06:37

I know he COULD be the right one but statistically probably not. And maybe definitely not with my attitude?! blush

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:07:57

You're still overthinking. It's exhausting, honestly.

Palavah Sat 15-Aug-20 18:09:07

Have a berocca and put on some tunes then get in the shower.
Have a word with yourself - don't be half-hearted if you're going on the date. Not fair otherwise.

(If you cancel for a 3rd time i doubt he'll want to meet).

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:10:12

I’m just exhausted of dating aqua another night of so... where did you grow up grin

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:13:01

You say you want to meet someone and be in a relationship, so either work towards that goal or just stay home every night eating takeaway and being miserable. The choice is yours.

wobblywinelover Sat 15-Aug-20 18:13:12

I get it that you're not in the mood and understand the apathy, however you've agreed to go on the date so should go through with it. Imagine how YOU would feel if it was the other way around and some guy ghosted or cancelled on you for no reason? I'm guessing this is half the reason why you're apathetic about dating in general because of so many flakers. Just bite the bullet and go I would say..

Palavah Sat 15-Aug-20 18:15:54

* another night of so... where did you grow up*

So don't ask that - ask where in the world they'd most like to live? What they are most looking forward to doing when/if lockdown restrictions are entirely lifted?
Did they ever have an imaginary friend? What's the most trouble they've ever been in? Would you rather..?

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:16:26

Lol thanks aqua

wobbly apathetic because nothing has worked out so it’s just another evening wasted on someone I won’t see again.

But yep it’s true I won’t meet anyone lying on the sofa alone every weekend. Urgh I hate it !

OP’s posts: |
Lipz Sat 15-Aug-20 18:18:35

It's fairly common to feel like this. Just get glamed up, have a couple of drinks while getting ready and go and enjoy, you can order your madras tomorrow, something to look forward to if it doesn't go well. I think everyone hates the small talk at first. Good luck

Bloodylush Sat 15-Aug-20 18:19:33

Why don’t you just meet for a coffee for an hour mid-week? It seems daft to give up a Saturday night and go for a meal when you don’t even fancy it.

Bit late now obviously but I would do a short date first to see if you are both interested.

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:20:12

I honestly want nothing more than to order in and watch the soap I missed last week! Shower time... 😩

OP’s posts: |
FlatBeer Sat 15-Aug-20 18:20:47

I know the feeling, it’s exhausting and easier just to have a night in. But it’s good to go out - and, statistically, you are less likely to find a relationship if you flake on him. Maybe, try to challenge yourself / make it interesting by trying a new flirting technique etc

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:20:47

bloody that was what I wanted to do but had to cancel because of work. He’s really keen to do dinner

OP’s posts: |
NotaCoolMum Sat 15-Aug-20 18:25:59

This is why drinks or coffee is better on the first date!! Good luck op!! You’ll be home in a few short hours- let us know!! Xx

CrazyToast Sat 15-Aug-20 18:28:38

If you dont want to go, dont go. Maybe you arent ready yet for dating. It should be fun, not a chore.

FlatBeer Sat 15-Aug-20 18:28:50

Good idea from PP, next time offer up a less valuable timeslot.

I used to say, meet me near my workplace for quick coffee/drink. Now, wfh I say meet me at the park while I am walking my dogs! I might put on lipstick, perfume and clean clothes, but no other extra effort made. If I fancy them, I might give them some more of my ‘me time’. But they need to be worth my investment.

Notredamn Sat 15-Aug-20 18:31:01

Go and then promise yourself a treat tomorrow night.

FlatBeer Sat 15-Aug-20 18:32:24

Yeah, it should be fun and not a chore. When I feel like you I actually stop dating for a while, and try to put my time / energy into something I enjoy more. Eg soaps on sofa and while I paint my nails and scroll instagram grin

PantryStyle Sat 15-Aug-20 18:40:08

Just to be clear the original date was just coffee and I had to cancel! I never do dinner dates!

He’s really keen to do it though now...

And as for not dating until I feel like it...I don’t think I have or would ever find it preferable to a cosy night in with a partner! Which obviously I won’t get to unless I date. I hate it sooo much but what else can you do these days dating wise!!

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in