NC with mother......think I’ve had a flying monkey FB friend request

(13 Posts)
JacobReesMogadishu Sat 15-Aug-20 16:04:01

So I’ve been NC with her for six years or so. She’s a total narc. Only other relative of mine is also NC with her.

She wrote me a letter a few years ago saying how she thought she had cancer....actually it was a copy of a 6 page letter she sent to friends. In it she wittered on about how she hoped I’d step up to the plate and help with hospital trips, etc. Of course she didn’t have cancer.

Anyway yesterday I had a fb friend request from a husband of a friend of hers. I’ve met this bloke about twice in my life.....I barely know his wife.

My first thought was that she’d died....or is seriously ill this time. But then as a friend pointed out he can message me without being friends. I’ve ignored the request so far, not accepted or declined. I certainly don’t plan to accept.....would it be rude to decline it without any message?

I’m not sure if he’s spying off his own bat, has been asked to spy or if he’s just one of those people who friend requests anyone and everyone he’s ever met?

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Sat 15-Aug-20 16:06:03

i would decline it

Shylo Sat 15-Aug-20 16:10:32

I’d just ignore it to be honest - I have had a dozen friends requests outstanding that I’ve just ignored because I don’t want to accept

GetThatHelmetOn Sat 15-Aug-20 16:11:07

I wouldn’t say many people even know how to check for messages sent by people who are not friends, you don’t get notifications for those either. Have you checked if there are unread messages from other people not in your friend list?

You are free to do as you please but, after 6 years, I bet they are trying to contact you in such unusual way because something is wrong with her.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Aug-20 16:12:13

would it be rude to decline it without any message?

Why would it be rude and why would you even care? Decline and block. He has nothing of value to add to your life.

JacobReesMogadishu Sat 15-Aug-20 16:13:45

I have just checked my others inbox and no message there.

His wife would know my address....although I guess they don’t know if I still live there or not. My mum used to bring all her friends round to my house without telling me when I was at work!

I don’t want to know if there is something wrong....I wouldn’t go and visit.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sat 15-Aug-20 16:17:45

I don’t want to know if there is something wrong....I wouldn’t go and visit.

There's your answer then. Decline and block.


GlitteriestFluff Sat 15-Aug-20 20:31:16

You are NC - so for me (NC with someone), blocking anyone who has anything to do with the abuser is a given - no need for any second-guessing.

JacobReesMogadishu Sat 15-Aug-20 20:48:38

You're all right. I've declined.... If he thinks I'm rude then so what. Thanks.

OP’s posts: |
PaternosterLoft Sat 15-Aug-20 20:53:52

He might have just been having a nose around and requested you by mistake. Could you tighten your settings a bit more so only friends of friends can request you? Have you tried the "view profile as" option to see what he - and his wife and your mother - can see of your profile?

JacobReesMogadishu Sat 15-Aug-20 22:10:13

I don't think my mum is on fb.... She wasn't on his friends list. But yes, I'll tighten up my FB to only friends of friends. Good idea.

OP’s posts: |
JacobReesMogadishu Sat 15-Aug-20 22:12:14

Saying that she blocked me years ago. I remember dh said she was on fb.... This was before I went NC. I searched for her and realised she'd blocked me.

I guess if I'm still blocked I wouldn't be able to see her in his friend's list.

OP’s posts: |
BashfulClam Sun 16-Aug-20 01:20:53

Deiete him, i get random friend requests and unless I know them I don’t accept. Change your name so you are not easily searchable. For example if your name is Jane Smith you could do Jjane Ssmith, thims J...etc. I have done something similar.

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