Sorry but this is going to a self-pitying rant. I am married to a man who thinks that he is hilarious and that I have a sense of humour by pass. Because everyone else bar me thinks that he is really funny. I am just a bossy cow who ruins his fun.
Today:
He bought himself a mask that says "fuck covid". He will only wear it while shopping with me and DS (7). In my opinion, it is totally inappropriate to wear it infront of a child. Also I am a teacher, imagine if my students or SLT were to see me with him wearing it. He has agreed not to wear it (or more accurately he says he will throw it away because he is "not allowed to wear it" (!)).
We spotted a very expensive car with a really tacky personalised number plate. So DH makes the joke to DD that he wanted the driver to open the window so that he could spit at them. (He wouldn't - but in his world it is still very funny to joke about it). In front of my sister as well.
Family zoom meeting. He doesn't join in, but sits on other side of the computer. For some reason the conversation turns to cows. So he pipes up "talking about mad cows - how is your mother?"
Again in the family zoom meeting, the conversation was on something mundane. So again he pipes up "this is a bloody boring conversation" Again a joke - apparently. These are the only two comments he made - not even "hello" or "good bye".
I have stopped drinking alcohol as I have been struggling with my mental health and drinking for a bit. I managed 7 days today - proud of myself. I mentioned that I was thinking of going to church tomorrow. He returns around and tells/orders me "don't go to church - go have a drink instead". Yet another "joke".
All in one day.
I am embarrassed by him. He actually can actually be witty, entertaining and charismatic but he has no filter or sense of appropriateness. And his comments can be nasty on occasion.
He has little empathy when it comes to his sense of humour. He also justifies everything as being a joke. I hate the position it puts me in of having to choose to let it pass or bring him up on it. He will never accept that his funny comments aren't funny and turns it on me. Leading to unpleasantness in front of our child and family.
We just don't have the same values. I makes me so sad.
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I am married to such an idiot
Yogatomorrow · 15/08/2020 13:59
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He sounds very immature and tedious. His behaviour would really annoy most people I think - does he has any real friends?
Is he like this with everyone else or just you (or all women perhaps?). What are his family like and has he always been like this?
I couldn’t be with someone who was this embarrassing as I’d have got the ‘ick’ and wouldn’t be able to touch them 
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The abusive language on the face mask could upset somebody with young children sufficiently for them to call the police.
I agree with that. Who makes this stuff? I can answer who buys it 
I would be telling him that he is incapable of differentiating between being harmlessly witty and making jokes at other people's expense and making jokes that are totally inappropriate. He either has no filter or he actively chooses not to use one, so which is it? Does he enjoy making other people feel shit and uncomfortable? Sadly, I think he does. He gets off on it.
I do tell him. It is a rocky path with us. I find it hard to handle. He doesn't get off on it. I genuinely think he doesn't get others discomfort at being the butt of a joke or witnessing an inappropriate joke. He just doesn't know where the barriers are.
Is your lack of friends related in any way to a loss of confidence? Gaslighting does that.
Could be. But between us there is a whole bag of issues.
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His humour would eclipse his other good qualities for me as I just couldn't accept it. The person we spend our lives with has those flaws which we are able to tolerate. If you can tolerate it, and it isn't a wider pattern of abuse, then all credit to you for managing that. My partner can have a bit of a short fuse sometimes, but he's a good man and has many other excellent qualities. Does this fall into that kind of situation?
I would avoid your company if he was around though so it could be affecting your ability to build friendships, unless you keep your friends and dh separate.
In answer to your original question, I think it's him not you. 
OP I've just read your update that he is a chef! I could have guessed tbh. My ex was in hospitality and was very much as you described. And socially immature. He was only 6 years older than me but I outgrew him by my 30s and suffered through many embarrassments
I thought I'd get flamed for that - but you know 
Has he always been like this OP or has it gotten worse over time?
Always 
. He never hid it. It's his personality. His worse excesses pop up infrequently (but getting harder to brush off as I and the kids get older!).
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