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Years of being goaded

(6 Posts)
HittyPitty Sat 15-Aug-20 00:31:32

I posted only last week and things came to a head tonight as I lost my temper with my husband after being goaded for years. He’s been for many years almost lecturing me about the British empire, slavery and white privilege.

I agree with him on all these topics but he has this simmering anger which every now and then he seems to aim at me in terms of racism. I’m not racist and I agree with him on all these topics. He grew up somewhere where his family had black servants and they often laugh at them in a way I find uncomfortable. When I bring this up in the context of him lecturing me, he gets angry and says I sound ludicrous and don’t understand anything, if anything his family do this because of the legacy of Empire.

Tonight he was going on at me for ages, I hadn’t sat down all day and had just made dinner. I’m ashamed to say after 10 years I completely lost my temper. I shouted at him and told him to F off. I never ever swear and I just lost it. I shouted and told him to leave. He said he would leave me and went off.
He called me a right wing bitch!! Anyone who knows me knows I’m literally the least right wing person you could meet.

Last weekend he called me a bitch too as I told him off for having naps all weekend. He doesn’t really help me with our toddler but constantly criticises and undermines me. I feel completely anxiety ridden. I hate this situation and feeling hostility from my husband. It feels really scary and no one knows in real life. As I’m a SAHM he feels very angry I think about being the sole earner.

I was recently thinking of a weird thing that happened a few years ago when we were in the loft. He was showing me something and I had to bend down, when I came back up he put his hand up to stop me hitting my head, but I couldn’t move properly and felt my neck was pushing down, I had a weird feeling of being harmed even though he was genuinely stopping me hitting nu head, and I screeched.

I’m so ashamed that tonight I didn’t just walk away, I had a bath running and was so incensed he was implying I was ignorant of race I went back downstairs to tell him off sad
I believe he has narcissistic traits and has been goading me on purpose to cause a drama as he is on holiday next week.

OP’s posts: |
TheWildOnesNeverDie Sat 15-Aug-20 01:10:13

He sounds like a cunt

Vodkacranberryplease Sat 15-Aug-20 02:27:21

If that's what your instincts tell you, then you are probably right. Narcissist timing is a very interesting thing indeed.

TacCat49 Sat 15-Aug-20 04:08:21

Im glad you finally lost your temper and gave him his pedigree. Well done, about time on your part.

blue30 Sat 15-Aug-20 09:21:35

I would get a plan together to resolve this situation one way or another, being prepared to end if it necessary. You are not being unreasonable.

Bananalanacake Sat 15-Aug-20 11:05:13

When my mum tried to lecture me on how to be a better person I gave her the 'oh yeah uum' response while looking away, if she spoke again I said, Yes, you're right and made it clear I wasn't interested.

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