Need help forgetting??

[MissE29]

(sorry, posted a few hours ago but rewrote for anonymity).

So I was speaking to a guy and things were going okay. We know each other through friends and there's always been chemistry/sexual tension there and it's clear we always liked each other. We would chat on the phone a fair amount and he showed that he was interested.

However, he sometimes blew hot and cold, sometimes replying at the speed of light and then sometimes leaving it hours. He'd always snap if I checked he was okay, saying something like 'stop asking, it's annoying'. He'd always jokingly put me down already. What annoyed me most was that he'd always answer questions I'd ask about his life, but never asked me any or showed much interest. In the end I slowly fizzled out conversation. He texts sometimes but not overly often.
He also told me some things about his past I didn't like. He has a criminal record, a restraining order and was a heavy drug user last year.

Now I know full well he seems toxic and Im not looking to be told to up my standards etc - I know I need to! The problem is, I can't get him off my mind and haven't been able to for months. I don't really know how to move forward, and sometimes I focus on the good things or how much he seemed to like me, and that makes me want to reach out to him again.
So, how to I forget about this guy?! Thanks so much xx

[Crystalspider]

Make a note mentality or written down what your next ideal guy would be like, hopefully nothing like him. Remind yourself of the stress you had with him how he's totally not worth it.
If he wanted to make a go of it with you then he would Pursue you and he would try hard in his actions to show you he's serious.
You know you can do better so see it as a lucky escape and when you're ready start dating again.

[NotaCoolMum]

There’s no magic method to it- concentrate on yourself and let time do it’s work.

[Elieza]

It’s just because you don’t have anyone else in your life. In five years time you won’t even remember his name he will mean so little to you!

Do other things to keep your mind off him. Keep yourself occupied. Go out for walks. Listen to music. Do the things at home that make you happy. X

[MissE29]

Thanks everyone :) I'm just struggling cos it's gone on for months and got no better, time doesn't seem to be a healer! I just keep thinking when he was nice to me and seemed genuinely interested but I suppose I'm probably wearing rose tinted glasses haha

[MissE29]

Also forgot to mention we did sleep together once and it was really good, how do I stop thinking about that as I know it's not worth it??

[Elieza]

Buy a battery powered er ’friend’!

Took me a year to get over an ex once. My heart was in bits.

I think online dating helped me forget him as I was chatted up and it felt good.

I didn’t meet many though. The ones I thought were ok were arses in real life! But the chatting up felt nice at the time.

[MissE29]

😂😂 that's brilliant!

I am finding whatever I do, I can't take my mind off it though and it's always lingering. It sounds pathetic and I don't know if it was a form of manipulation. Whatever it was, it's worked lol

[MissE29]

Has anyone got any opinions here as to whether he is toxic/manipulative and I've been sort of blinded to. It? Xx

[Elieza]

Anyone who snaps at someone asking after them “stop asking, it’s annoying” is an arsehole. Who does that. I would never do that. He has no manners and no consideration for you.

He’s clearly not that into you and just used you for the occasional shag.

Sorry OP.

You need to forget him.

No backtracking and finding excuses as to why he’d be ok. He isn’t. He won’t be.

You deserve better.

You CAN get over him. It’s just difficult and takes time. Put your music on and dance about to get your serotonin (Happy brain chemicals) levels up.

You can do this OP. You so can.

[MissE29]

Thanks so much, I probably needed to hear that ☹️ sometimes all I can think was the times when he was lovely but it's just not worth it is it?
He also threw a strop once when I was a bit moody, saying he 'realised the real me' and 'couldnt put up with a killjoy'. But he came running back again and I couldn't really resist haha.

Time to forget about him, but it'll be hard!!!

[MissE29]

Bump, feeling very low about this all

[MissE29]

Still can't forget no matter how hard I try, anyone help??

[seensome]

There's more than one guy out there and you can have feelings again for someone else, someone who can reciprocate it but you need to start looking..
stop wasting headspace on that one.

[NotaCoolMum]

Yes. Get out there and start seeing what the world has to offer!! OP you need to be careful as this could grow into an unhealthy obsession. I know it’s hard but there are plenty of men out there that don’t have criminal records, restraining orders or are druggies. Aim higher girl!! 💐💐

[category12]

You probably need to think about what exactly it was that has hooked you. It sounds like he blew hot and cold, and when it was good it was very very good, and when it wasn't, it was awful? This kind of cycle of intermittent reinforcement is addictive. Read up about it.

You know he's bad news for you. You are in control of you, and you need to let go of this fascination with your own destruction.

Maybe do some counselling or the freedom programme, and get your head straight.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

What category 12 wrote. This intermittent reinforcement is indeed addictive.

Consider too what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up.

Bad boys are just that - bad. This is who he is and you are not going to change him. He was never yours either to use as a project nor is he someone who needs any rescuing and or saving from you. Such men too hate women, all of them.

[Bunnymumy]

Look, give your head a wobble. The dude is a druggie who had a restraining order taken out against him. A restraining order ffs! Chances are that means he is batshit mental and may become a stalking nightmare when things inevitably go tits up. And this is just the shit he's told you. Imagine what he hasn't!

I mean come on! Are you huffing glue?!
You're a grown woman. He isnt some film 'bad boy's, he is a piece of shit. One who was completely uninterested in you when you knew him, other than to have you fill a space...and to well, fill yours xD

'Hot' is not worth 'crazy bastard who'll ruin your self esteem, steal your happinesd and fuck up your life'. Not even if he has a magic penis (which btw, would soon stop working as soon as he had you under the spell).

[MissE29]

Thanks everyone, I know ur all absolutely right. It's just all easier said than done. I have to see him on Monday 🙄.

[NotaCoolMum]

Why do you have to see him op?

[MissE29]

A friend's birthday gathering unfortunately