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Struggling tonight

(10 Posts)
Mermaidwaves Thu 13-Aug-20 22:02:12

I separated from my exH this time last year after a very emotionally abusive 17 year marriage. He was my first boyfriend and we have two DDs. He always told me no man would ever want me, Im not very physically attractive but I am a good soul, my self esteem is really low from his emotional abuse and I still have a lot of pain from it.

Last week I found out that he has a new woman and child on the way. He was also cheating throughout the last 3 years of my marriage which knocked me for six. I just feel so worthless and alone tonight, feeling stupid for not seeing that he was cheating.

I've tried online dating with absolutely no success. I'm starting to believe my ex was right and that no man will ever want me, hes moving on with a new family whilst I'm still lonely, it feels unfair but I guess I'm being unreasonable.

I look at couples in the street and feel so envious, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a man want to spend time with me and value me. I know its important to value myself, but I've never had romantic love or companionship. I just wonder if anyone else here ever feels like this? Did you manage to overcome your sadness?

OP’s posts: |
biggirlknickers Thu 13-Aug-20 22:05:28

I feel sorry for his new woman. She will get the same emotional abuse in the end. Because he is an abuser.

In the meantime, you need to work on your self esteem and living the life you want for yourself before you consider a new relationship.

flowers for you. You will get through this.

Mermaidwaves Thu 13-Aug-20 22:09:09

@biggirlknickers
Thankyou. It sounds silly but I dont know how to fix my self esteem. I try and be positive about the good things in my life, but I still have low evenings like tonight.

OP’s posts: |
biggirlknickers Thu 13-Aug-20 22:10:23

Your worth has nothing at all to do with how that man treated you.

biggirlknickers Thu 13-Aug-20 22:13:36

I read this to help me with low self esteem: www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-2nd-behavioural/dp/1472119290/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=low+self+esteem&sprefix=low+sel&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1597353124&sr=8-3

Mermaidwaves Thu 13-Aug-20 22:16:19

I will check it out, thankyou smile

OP’s posts: |
biggirlknickers Fri 14-Aug-20 08:09:49

@Mermaidwaves
How are you feeling today?

Mermaidwaves Fri 14-Aug-20 11:44:20

@biggirlknickers a bit stronger today smile I'm catching up with some friends so I wont be sat alone this evening.

I really appreciate your support, thankyou daffodil

OP’s posts: |
biggirlknickers Fri 14-Aug-20 20:12:50

That’s good - have a lovely evening wine

MostTacticalNameChange Fri 14-Aug-20 20:24:45

I totally identify with you seeing other couples and being jealous. But honestly, honestly, not that many are as happy as they seem. I know this from personal experience, observation, things friends have confided and, obviously, mumsnet!

Enjoy your kids and your friends and the fact that you are not having compromise or cover up for anything or anyone.

I truly believe that having your self-esteem linked to having a man want you is the most poisonous thing society teaches women.

Being desired is an ego boost but you need to believe that men's whims have fuck all to do with your worth.

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