Right before lockdown, my partner ended our 5 year relationship. We had had 2 miscarriages end of last year which broke me. Anyway..., he moved out about a week after announcing he wanted to end it (not heard from him since) and I had my work cut to two days a week the following week. I’ve been screened for potential cancerous lump two months ago (all ok now) and obviously have been in lockdown alone. It has been an awful time financially and emotionally. I’m ashamed to say at one point I nearly took my life and parents knew this which must have been awful for them. I’m ok now I think but often feel low.
I live around an hour from my parents, both 61. They have sent me money to support me now and then which obviously I am grateful for! But at my absolute lowest, I was being called by my mum daily, and I would often ask if she would visit, even if one day a week, to provide some sort of comfort I guess. I’m 35 so not a baby...I just found the working from home so so hard and my world was crashing down around me. Every time I asked she said she was busy. I could hear my dad in the background saying they couldn’t drive all the way over there it was too far and they had things to do etc. They work one day a week each so they have spare time.
I found out last week that they had been to where I live to go to one of the larger shopping centres. They hadn’t mentioned it or thought to come over. They have also spent nearly every weekend in their holiday home in wales... about a five hour drive from their home.
I feel like they don’t give a shit and it’s made me fall out with my mum in particular massively. I just needed her here now and then. I even asked if we could arrange once a week having a day together and that wasn’t possible as she was too tired, too far to go, too expensive, too much at her age, she had to be back to see my dad by x time.. list goes on. It becomes pointless asking.
It’s brought back horrible memories from childhood when I felt left. But as an adult am I being unfair here? I’m 35 after all, time to grow up as my dad says! I just feel so broken that she can hear how desperate I have been and still not bothered to show me much care other than texts and calls when she feels like it. I feel guilty as I don’t want to resent them but I do. Time for me to get a grip? Please don’t hold back if I sound like the brat of the century.
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My parents. Is it me?
9 replies
Isthismea · 13/08/2020 13:45
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