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Can I move back into home with daughter and my ex move out?

(23 Posts)
Mewillow1 Thu 13-Aug-20 13:06:49


I separated from my ex last year due to DV. We’ve been going through criminal proceedings and family court proceedings for the past year. He was found guilty at a trial and has been made to participate on a DV course by cafcas. Currently only has supervised contact with out daughter.

I moved out of our home that we own at the time as advised by the police to do so, there were concerns he’d breach his bail conditions so I stayed with my mum (he did breach his bail conditions and earlier this year I had to stop his contact with our daughter because of this)

I was told there would be a financial hearing by a solicitor at some point to discuss the house and moving back there with my daughter but the first focus was him and this DV programme.

Contact was reinstated a few months ago and stricter rules were put on the contact order by the judge. Since then I’ve had no issues with boundaries and him breaching the rules so feel comfortable enough to move back to the home but want to know how to approach this in court as I’m not being represented, what rights do I have?

We are not married but both own the property as tenants in common. Our solicitor who we used when buying the house has confirmed that we both have same rights to the house and to put a case forward that I should live there with our daughter as I’m her primary care giver.

Throughout the contact order there have been lots of problems with him being controlling, refusal to give me my belongings back, demanding money off me, locking me out our home etc and the police and CAFCAS have been involved in these issues.

It doesn’t look like he’s going to successfully complete this course in which case his contact will remain supervised. Has anyone else been in a situation where they’ve moved out but then been granted to move back in again after DV? My mum can not accommodate for me and my daughter for much longer, there isn’t the room and was always supposed to be temporary.

Any help on how to approach the topic to the judge would be appreciated?

OP’s posts: |
litterbird Thu 13-Aug-20 14:31:56

Am I correct in reading that you want to move back in to your house with your abusive partner? I cant quite understand.

Mewillow1 Thu 13-Aug-20 14:36:01

No sorry. I want to live there with our daughter instead of him.

At the minute he’s living there and I’m on the mortgage but I’m at a disadvantage when it comes to moving elsewhere because I work part time and I’m on universal credit.

I’ve looked into my options and the advice I’m being given is that I will have more rights than he does as our daughter lives with me full time.

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Menora Thu 13-Aug-20 18:01:11

You need more legal advice really
When I was in a shared mortgage and unmarried we both had equal rights and you do not have the protection of marriage rights or divorce courts. Would this cost you a lot of money to fight? It would have for me. The only option I had was to sell the house as neither of us would agree to let the other live in it long term

MrsSpookyM Thu 13-Aug-20 18:06:17

If you're not married your best bet would be to sell the house and split the equity.

Unless you can afford to pay the mortgage by yourself?

How much of the mortgage will child maintenance cover? Or can you afford to buy him out?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 13-Aug-20 18:07:53

You need a lawyer on it, as been said above. AFAIK, you have the right to live there as well, but it sounds like currently so does he. Not sure if you can get a court order to have sole occupancy? In certain circumstances, the court can force sale of a house, but not sure if you're situation fits that.

RandomMess Thu 13-Aug-20 18:12:02

I guess you apply for an occupation order and if the fails force sale of the property?

Mewillow1 Thu 13-Aug-20 18:25:10

He initially said I could live in the house but police advised not to because they had concerns.

He’s been living there and paying the mortgage by himself but I think he just assumes that’s going to continue but as I said it puts me at a disadvantage trying to move elsewhere because I own a property so I don’t really have any options.

I can afford to pay the mortgage by myself, we’ve not had the house long at all this all happened just as we moved in. If we were to sell now there would not be much equity, in fact, we’d probably lose money for cost of solicitors etc. I think he’d prefer me to live there than sell cause he’d just move back in with his mum which is his ideal situation (as he doesn’t have to spend a penny then) but then in 3 years when it comes to remortgaging he’d get his equity which would be more than it is now.

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Thu 13-Aug-20 18:44:56

When you sell in 3 years would you be able to buy on your own??

If you wouldn't be able to then it may be better just to rent. You would still need an occupation order to stop him entering the house etc even if he initially agreed to you living there instead of him.

You can't trust so may be safer to cut your losses and get him to buy you out?

Mewillow1 Thu 13-Aug-20 19:21:08

In three years I’d be able to buy him out, yes.

I can’t afford to rent in my area unfortunately. It’s so expensive it’s almost £150 more than mortgage repayments.

He wouldn’t be allowed in the house as there’s a restraining order in place for the next 4 years. So wherever I more to the restraining order would’ve changed to suit that new address.

Initially there were bail conditions which are similar to a restraining order, but people still breach them and he did. And he’s breached his restraining order but he has been warned about this at our last court hearing (In June) and has since behaved himself.

So if the judge did let me stay there with our daughter instead it would be at his own risk to breach the rules again.

OP’s posts: |
titchy Thu 13-Aug-20 19:23:06


I guess you apply for an occupation order and if the fails force sale of the property?


Menora Thu 13-Aug-20 19:54:14

The occupation order is what I was told is really expensive in fees, and there is not really a solid chance you will win

Can you afford to fight this, it’s important. Not the winning - the fighting

Mewillow1 Thu 13-Aug-20 20:39:24

Well occupation orders don’t cost anything. It only costs if you use a solicitor.
Because there’s been domestic violence I get legal aid. I’ve not had to use a solicitor so far as the authorities and CAFCAS have all been on my side so hopefully they will for this too

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Thu 13-Aug-20 20:44:49

If you were renting it's likely you would be eligible for partial housing benefit via UC, unless you would get a notable lump sum by selling the house.

Under your circumstances most councils would assist with renting whilst you forced sale of the house/he bought you out.

However if you liked the house and area the long term security of owning has its appeal.

Starlightstarbright1 Thu 13-Aug-20 20:46:08

Honestly if you are entitled to legal aid get it now.

They can deal with all these questions .

Can you look at increasing your hours ?

Dery Thu 13-Aug-20 21:16:00

As PP have suggested - apply for an occupation order. If you speak to the National Centre for Domestic Violence,, they will be able to advise you on the process.

Mewillow1 Fri 14-Aug-20 13:47:11

Spoke to a solicitor today. Have an appointment next week, looking very likely I can get legal aid because of the amount of violence.

Also looks like I have a good chance of getting back into the property as daughter lives with me full time and he’s currently only allowed supervised contact, seems unfair that I have the uncertainty of not knowing where I’ll be living and he has the house to himself.

Also he’s unreliable etc due to criminal record.

OP’s posts: |
Viviennemary Fri 14-Aug-20 13:53:33

Is it not possible to sell the house and get a fresh start. I think that's what I would try to do. It is infuriating he has managed to stay in the house and you're the one who has moved out. Also can you afford the mortgage on your own.

bakedoff Fri 14-Aug-20 14:38:46

Get a solicitors advice. As it’s DV you’ll get legal aid so use that facility to get proper representation. That system was set up exactly to help somebody like you. The court will always look at the best interest of the child.

Mewillow1 Thu 20-Aug-20 09:17:38


He’s not been paying the mortgage since we went into lockdown so he’s incurred lots of fees so, I know he had to get a new job at the beginning of lockdown so he’s obviously struggling financially so I think I’ll be the better person to live there as I can afford it fine.

Coming off the mortgage is not an option there’s not much equity in the house as we’ve not had it very long and the penalty charges would be like £5k+ then solicitor fees on top of that.

The house is an asset, regardless of what’s happened I’m holding onto that! I think because we are going through family court proceedings and because there’s a restraining order in place for the next 4 years it’d be difficult for him to interfere or try and control this situation, especially if there’s an occupancy order

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Thu 20-Aug-20 22:01:49

You need to speak to the bank and start paying off the mortgage areas.

Vodkacranberryplease Thu 20-Aug-20 22:39:39

I don't see why not. What do you need to do to make it happen? Would he actually agree to it (via a third party I guess) and it would save the bother? The only thing I would say is that him not paying the mortgage is a problem - the mortgage company may want the arrears from you, or it may have ruined your credit record.

Mewillow1 Fri 21-Aug-20 07:36:39

I think he would do if he’s struggling to pay it, it could be something that we sort outside of court. However if he does do that I’d still bring it up in court as I’d want something in writing.

Bank says I can pay off the fees at any time so once I find out from him if he’s happy to do this I’m just gonna contact them and pay it.

OP’s posts: |

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