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Is my friend right that I am signing up to being single forever?

(30 Posts)
houseysnowzy Wed 12-Aug-20 19:12:48

I’m mid thirties and single. I currently live in a nice ish house in a city, easy access to work. I’m not a big fan of going out drinking but obviously from a dating perspective it is a good place to meet people after work and at weekends.

I feel so lost because if I was with someone I would definitely and absolutely be moving to the countryside and closer to family. I grew up in a medium size village, slap bang in the middle of cities dotted around but with a good drive to get to any! After this year and the isolation, the changing work practices and now being on only two days in the office, I’m wondering what on Earth I’m doing living where I am. I’ve started looking at houses back in this village with countryside views and a quieter life.

Talking to my forever long term best friend and her answer was ‘so you are ready to sign up to be single forever, ok then’...

I know ultimately it is up to me to decide this but she has made me feel like I will be alone forever if I take this step on my own! The other part of me wonders if I will ever meet anyone round here given I’ve been dating in the city for a long time now, a good few years. I’m totally fed up and maybe part of it is being cooped up all the time anyway but realistically now I do feel I am literally in this house so I can be close to an area where there are more men! And that feels very sad! But I also don’t want to be alone forever.

Feeling mixed up...anyone got any experience of this or views on what they would do?

OP’s posts: |
Sunrise234 Wed 12-Aug-20 19:19:12

I live in the countryside and I am single and struggling to find a partner. I always think if I lived in a city it would be so much easier to meet people!

But I suppose everyone is different and if you don't mind OLD then that would be good to meet someone in the country. The other thing is that if you genuinely want to move to the country finding someone who lives in a city may not be the best option as they may want to stay in the city.

Choppedupapple Wed 12-Aug-20 19:34:26

I moved from London to Surrey, small town. My city friends thought that I was crazy giving up a small room in a house share in Holland Park, working in the city. The truth is I would have met someone here here quicker.

Is there a town near to where you are from? Rather than too rural

Choppedupapple Wed 12-Aug-20 19:35:30

Also I travelled to work for meetings, working from home mostly. Can you do same?

Lelophants Wed 12-Aug-20 19:38:07

I partly see what they mean, but as you said, you also haven't found anyone in the city!
How far can you get to the next town? Old does seem the way forward for most people I know.
What do you do in your spare time? Forget the drinking, do you have other hobbies?
You may find the country lifestyle better and you can get into hobbles there to meet people.

category12 Wed 12-Aug-20 19:41:30

How about you check out the dating pool where you're thinking of moving? Don't dating apps often have location-based searches?

If you have friends/family there, maybe they can set you up?

People in the country do end up finding partners.

houseysnowzy Wed 12-Aug-20 19:42:25

There’s a couple of small towns but safe to say not many professionals at all! Mostly older population and families.

I would be travelling into a big city (Birmingham) twice a week so I guess I could meet people for drinks and coffees on those days maybe?

I feel almost like I am giving up on the life I worked hard for and I’m running away? But I would much prefer to get a bigger place with a dog and be near fields rather than on a main road where I am now, close to work with no real sense of community.

I’m so confused.

OP’s posts: |
Spudlet Wed 12-Aug-20 19:43:19

On the other hand though, what’s the point in meeting someone who wants to stay in the city if you want to move away? So to my mind you might as well live somewhere where you want to be.

I moved from London to Norfolk and met DH online, so it’s not necessarily a ticket to endless singledom (not that there’s anything wrong with being single anyway if you’re happy). You might have to make more of an effort to meet people but it is possible.

houseysnowzy Wed 12-Aug-20 19:43:29

I have checked the dating pool already! Haha! There’s definitely less men and less professionals that’s for sure. But you can always widen the search criteria and get on a train I guess?!

I had always hoped I would make this move with a parter

OP’s posts: |
Scarydinosaurs Wed 12-Aug-20 19:46:18

I’ve read enough chick lit to know you’ll move to the country and the gorgeous handy man will become your boyfriend (after a silly complication) by Christmas.

Honestly- live the life you want. You’ll meet someone. You’re not going to an island with sheep!

Lockdowners Wed 12-Aug-20 19:47:52

If you meet another city dweller why would you think they would want to go and live in the country? You stand a much better chance of meeting someone who shares your love of the countryside while living there. If you are in commuting distance of Birmingham you still have a wide dating pool to choose from.

Spudlet Wed 12-Aug-20 19:50:45

DH and I lived a good hour’s drive apart when we met 🤷‍♀️ Not exactly the boy next door, but he was worth the petrol money and early starts to get to work (and so was I grin).

I wouldn’t live anywhere else now. It is a scary step to move to the country as a single woman (possibly also as a single man, but I’ve never been one so I can’t say) but I wouldn’t swap the time I had in my little cottage with my dog for city life. Me and my canine sidekick loved our single life 👍

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Wed 12-Aug-20 20:08:26

It sounds like you are sick of living in the city on a main road and you'd be happier with a bit of green space around you. You've tried dating in the city and it hasn't yielded results yet and as people say you can still go back in for drinks and meetings etc and a city person might not want to move.
There are so many ifs in this equation that you may as well live your life the way you want to now. Who knows what the future holds. Perhaps in a smaller community you might have a better chance than in a big city.
Is there a half way solution, a smaller community half way between city and countryside? When you do move make the most of local activities/ and clubs. You never know. best of luck.

maxicheddar Wed 12-Aug-20 20:08:48

I think it would be an advantage to move now if that is where your heart is. That way you are more likely to meet someone who already works there and wants to stay in the country. If you date in a city you could meet someone who wants to stay there and have to make a difficult decision.

Also if you are meeting people locally you have the advantage of getting to know them in their natural environment and with their friends, in the pub, local business, someone's sibling etc, whereas meeting through OLD is usually gives a much more limited picture, at least in the early days.

And in the mean time, you will be happy and contented with your dog and fields. Idyllic! and a much nicer place to start a relationship from I think, emotionally and literally!

But if you particularly want to date someone who has a professional urban type job rather then a rural job then it might be harder unless you travel to meet people.

Still, if you really want the country life then I would move now and see what happens.

maxicheddar Wed 12-Aug-20 20:10:06

oops, cross posted as am so slow!!!

pictish Wed 12-Aug-20 20:11:54

I agree that a country life will be more likely to lead to a country man.
Live where you want to be.

category12 Wed 12-Aug-20 20:17:12

I had always hoped I would make this move with a parter

But that's shrinking your dating pool anyway - guys you meet in the city won't necessarily suit a move to the country. They might hate it and be completely fish out of water. You might fall in love and end up stuck in the city because he's a townie through and through.

I'd do the move that makes you happy rather than wait for "Mr Right" in the city - you might have no luck and end up where you don't want to be for years.

Shepherdspyreads Wed 12-Aug-20 20:18:16

I think you might as well live the life you want to live and move. It sounds like you are going more rural but not exactly middle of nowhere, you're not cutting yourself off from society. Also I'm sure your friend means well but I think she was wrong to say that to you.

Twickerhun Wed 12-Aug-20 20:18:27

I settled into my spinster lifestyle, two cats, house in the village Aged 34. Met now DH a Year later. We are now married, two kids living in the city but planning to move back to my rural cottage. Do what makes you happy.

DonttouchthatLarry Wed 12-Aug-20 20:42:51

My friend used to work in Birmingham and was doing OLD. She met a guy who she liked but said he was a city boy with his city centre apartment etc and wouldn't match her country lifestyle. She then met the man she's about to marry, and he was happy enough to sell his house in the suburbs of Birmingham and move to our rural village as he shares her interests and lifestyle.

If anything happened to DH and I had to start dating again I'd try specialist dating sites for country lovers or people who share my hobbies - I'd be very unlikely to meet someone I'd be suited to in a city centre bar or nightclub as that's not something that interests me so just the fact there's more of them to meet wouldn't convince me to look there wink

museumum Wed 12-Aug-20 20:46:09

I didn’t meet anyone I clicked with in London but as soon as I moved to the city/country I wanted to be in I met my now dh.
You may meet fewer men in the countryside but I guess there’s more chance they’ll be the right men.

baterwaiter Wed 12-Aug-20 21:05:15

Always go with what will make you happy in the here and now. I regret this more than anything in life. Pleasing other people at my own expense. After doing that for many years I am back single again anyway but finally living as I want to live.

BoofyBoo Wed 12-Aug-20 21:08:37

I moved to a large town in a fairly rural county from London when I was in my mid twenties as I thought that was the lifestyle I wanted. Also I could afford to buy there and couldn't in London.

Turned out the large town didn't really fit me or my interests. I stayed there for ten years or so for work, had a nice enough life but mostly single, everyone around me wasn't, so it was a bit crap at times. I actually just wanted to meet likeminded people and apart from some old friends I made at the start it wasn't always easy.

Eventually moved back to London for work - temporarily, or so I thought ... moved to my area of London slightly by chance but absolutely felt right at home here. Now DH moved there from elsewhere in London about the same time, felt the same about the area and we met 6 months later through a social group. We have similar interests and outlook on life, partly reflected by the area we live in.

So mine's a bit more in reverse in terms of location but my point is I agree with what others have said - go where your heart is and your interests are catered for and you are more likely to meet someone likeminded. The town I used to live in was lovely but it wasn't "me" and that's probably a lot to do with why I found it hard to date there.

I agree it's more daunting to move to the country single and it feels "wrong" because most people do the opposite but if that's where you really want to be then you're more likely to be happy there and meet someone likeminded.

bakedoff Wed 12-Aug-20 21:13:01

Is there a young farmers group near you or anything like that? Pointless meeting city boys. Check out meet-up website and see where your nearest get togethers are

bakedoff Wed 12-Aug-20 21:13:28

How far from your nearest biggish town are you?

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