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What would you do if your partner....

(28 Posts)
Skysky1 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:11:15

What would you do if your partner never wanted to be intimate with you?
Only ever wanted to be intimate when it was solely to procreate
Resulting in being intimate no more than a handful of times in a 6 yr relationship
Never got undressed/dressed in front of you and would exit the room, if you were to also get changed or avoid the bathroom when you were in the shower clearly to avoid any sexual tension.
Never made any kind of conversation with you, and barely made eye contact so most days just resulting in 'hi, byes ' whilst you looked after the kids
When you do attempt to get intimate he makes excuses like 'did you hear that noise , let me go check it out' and goes out the room

As this is what is happening in my relationship and It's really saddening
I've asked him several times why he is avoiding it and he will say things like ' it was because you wasn't wearing lingerie before undressing or because he isn't turned on by pregnant women, or simply he doesn't know what time I'm talking about
But will hear me cry myself to sleep about it most nights and would rather pretend to be asleep and not hear a thing

How would this make you feel if you were in a relationship like this ,and if you were what would you do?

OP’s posts: |
Stinkbug Wed 12-Aug-20 18:13:35

He has issues or he’s gay.

Shoxfordian Wed 12-Aug-20 18:14:49

I would end it because he doesn't even want to try

Brakebackcyclebot Wed 12-Aug-20 18:14:58

I would leave. Sorry this is happening yo you OP.

TwilightPeace Wed 12-Aug-20 18:16:51

I would end it. Zero communication and no intimacy. It’s not a proper relationship, is it?
You don’t sound happy at all.

lyingwanker Wed 12-Aug-20 18:16:51

I'd leave because you can't live your life like that

sunflowertulips Wed 12-Aug-20 18:21:14

Same with my ex husband. Turned out he was a secret transvestite.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:21:18

The questions you should be asking are ones directed to yourself. Why are you tolerating this? Is this really what you want for your life? Do you think his behaviour is in any way normal or healthy? Btw, it's not.

It's time to make some big decisions and get out of this nightmare.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia Wed 12-Aug-20 18:21:32

I'd leave. He's asexual possibly.

category12 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:22:01

I hope I'd leave, it sounds crushing.

happinessischocolate Wed 12-Aug-20 18:26:06

I'd ask him to leave, that's not a relationship.

Was he ever affectionate?

WhereIsTheSaladDoris Wed 12-Aug-20 18:27:51

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this.

It isn’t right, normal or ok. But you know that, otherwise you wouldn’t have poster.

If you’ve attempted to communicate in about this huge issue during the last 6 years, you’ve exhausted all possibilities and it’s time to seriously consider ending the relationship.

It isn’t healthy for you, or him.

You can’t fix him. Whatever is going on.

Aim to get to a point whereby you feel confident saying: if you are not prepared to communicate about this issue, I am no longer prepared to be in the relationship, I want a divorce.


Joeblack066 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:38:12


Same with my ex husband. Turned out he was a secret transvestite.

That alone doesn’t mean he didn’t want intimacy tho, did it?

TheBlueStocking Wed 12-Aug-20 18:40:08

I would leave. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, OP. It sounds soul destroying sad

Sunrise234 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:51:07


It is not just about sex but the fact you barely speak to each other either.
How long has this been going on?
Why are you staying?

Opentooffers Wed 12-Aug-20 18:51:12

Sorry, I'd of left at the beginning rather than sticking round to procreate, I sure as hell would leave now regardless of DC's. He has major issues. Doesn't even talk to you? Was this relationship arranged? Surely you didn't chose him?

ThePluckOfTheCoward Wed 12-Aug-20 18:55:32

Closet Gay. Leave this non-relationship now. Don't let him demean you any further.

StealthLemonade Wed 12-Aug-20 18:56:48

Is therapy an option? I'm in the exact same situation bar the intimacy

NCParanoia Wed 12-Aug-20 18:57:46

I would leave. It sounds like you've got a better chance of finding happiness without him. Is this a relationship you'd like to model to your children? I'm guessing the answer is no.

BigMamaFratelli Wed 12-Aug-20 18:59:03

Oh that sounds awful OP flowers

I don't think it matters as such what his issue is - gay, asexual, whatever. It matters that he doesn't want to try. Living like this will destroy you and you don't want to be teaching your kids that this is what a relationship looks like. If it was me, I'd leave. Easy to say, much harder to do I know. But I really hope you do do it.

HollowTalk Wed 12-Aug-20 19:01:38

Never made any kind of conversation with you, and barely made eye contact

This would be enough for me to end it. I wouldn't want any intimacy with him anyway, because of that, so that would actually be a relief.

diggadoo Wed 12-Aug-20 19:13:33

Is he gay?

MrsGrindah Wed 12-Aug-20 19:19:31

Whatever the reason he’s being very unkind. He owes you an explanation at the very least . But frankly, I can’t see anything changing OP. You need to set yourself free , build up your self esteem and find someone who understands what a loving relationship truly is.

CokeEnStock Wed 12-Aug-20 19:29:31

I would leave him.,plain and simple, because I/you deserve better.

frenchonion Wed 12-Aug-20 19:31:38

LEAVE. Seriously. I know it's a right ballache but you will never ever be happy living like this.

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