Talk

Advanced search

has anyone regrets ending their marriage?

(11 Posts)
Glittergirl80 Tue 11-Aug-20 15:16:30

I told STBXH last week l want to divorce but the guilt of feeling like l'm ruining his life is crippling me. He's not physically abusive but can be nasty, patronising and downright horrible even to our 2 DC moreso the eldest (11 yo) . I know its what I want but l feel like a failure and just a selfish bitch. What i'm wondering is has anyone ever left and wished they had stayed or is it more that they wish they had done it sooner which is what l mostly seem to hear.

OP’s posts: |
TwilightPeace Tue 11-Aug-20 15:19:57

Are you wanting people to say they regret leaving so you will have an excuse to stay?

He is emotionally abusing you and your DCs yet YOU feel guilty about wrecking HIS life?

You aren’t selfish. You aren’t a failure. You are absolutely 100% doing the right thing.
You are giving yourself and your children a chance at a better life.

Fuck him and his ‘feelings’.

Sakurami Tue 11-Aug-20 15:23:20

You won't regret taking your children away or minimising the time they spend witha nasty, horrible and patronising man

heartlikepaper Sun 16-Aug-20 17:39:18

I seperated 2 years ago and my ex and i are very close, still very good friends and sometimes i regret breaking up when im a bit lonely but then i remember he is very selfish in a relationship and couldnt meet my emotional needs. So i dont regret it. Im lucky we can stay close but realise we are better as friends. A partner should be making you feel loved, supported and valued. Value yourself, know your worth and what you need and go for it.

Rubiikk Sun 16-Aug-20 18:53:21

Leaving was 100% the right decision.
You know in yourself what you need to do, don't be afraid to take the leap. When I told my ex husband I was leaving I was with him for a week or so, it was extremely painful to watch him be heartbroken, but he has healed, I have healed and we are both happier now.

The pain you will inflict leaving is nothing in comparison to the regret you will feel if you stay.

sophmum31 Sun 16-Aug-20 19:43:26

I’ve recently been in a similar situation. We have been separated for a couple of months now and I am determined to see it through and build a happy life for myself and my kids. Same as you though, I have really struggled at times with seeing his distress but it became clear pretty quickly that the distress was mostly based around his loss of control because he couldn’t manipulate me anymore, and the loss of money which will come with the divorce. I don’t believe his upset comes from losing me at all!

My dd is 14 and I can only tell you that the way he is with her will only get worse as she tries to become independent and have a deeper effect on her as she gets older and starts to realise what he is like. Do this for her and stop feeling sorry for him.

Belle1983 Sun 16-Aug-20 19:51:56

I think if its the right thing to do,you just have to do it.
I regretted my marriage ending because I only ever intended getting married once,but I don't regret being free of my ex.
He caused the end of the marriage, and I was in a bad place to star with, but genuinely living my best life now.

If it's right for you, don't worry about your DH...he will get over it in time.

Daftapath Sun 16-Aug-20 22:55:14

My only regret is that I didn't do it 10 years earlier.

Glittergirl80 Mon 17-Aug-20 08:55:10

Thanks so much everyone u have all genuinely made me feel better. I agree with what you were saying about the regret i will feel if i stay that's a battle i keep having with myself.

OP’s posts: |
Wondersense Mon 17-Aug-20 09:16:20

I don't think you will. You are scared of ruining his life because you're probably quite an ethical person, but he certainly doesn't seem to care that he's currently making your life a misery, does he?

If he speaks to you like that, he is expressing how much contempt he has for you. Are you really going to chain yourself to someone who behaves like this because it might ruin HIS life?? I really don't think it will. You might be surprised by how little it will affect him. He might secretly be wanting you to leave even.

Your boundaries have been eroded so much that you no linger than think clearly, and I have a useful exercises for you. Imagine yourself as you were before you met him. What if you started dating someone and they started behaving like this in the first month you were together? Wouldn't you run a mile?? What you feel by doing that is your natural reaction without his feelings and further complications to muddy the waters.

DDIJ Mon 17-Aug-20 09:55:00

I regret it in a way because my life is no better than it was and in a lot of ways I have even less freedom than I did. My children haven't looked back and are much happier. They are thriving and have a fuller life than ever would have been possible with him. In fact I believe they have achieved more.

As your children grow and become more independent with opinions and ambitions of their own he will become more antagonistic. My advice would be to leave as soon as possible.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in