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To start dating again?

(11 Posts)
AprilShowers29 Mon 10-Aug-20 22:00:51

28 with 2 DC of (nearly) 6 years and 19 months old. Have been single since early pregnancy with youngest DC. The children have no contact with their father so are with me full time, although I have a very supportive family. My mum takes the kids one day a week so I can have a break (very lucky, I know) and today she suggested that maybe I would like to start dating again soon. To be honest, I have been thinking myself that it would be nice to have a bit of adult company sometimes. I went through a really rough patch last year and I'm doing lots better now, emotionally, physically and financially. My self esteem is still quite low, although I am working on that. I'm wondering if dating might give me that little confidence boost I need, even if it leads to nothing serious. How do you know you're ready to date again?

OP’s posts: |
seensome Mon 10-Aug-20 22:32:21

I guess your ready to date when you think about wanting to.
It can be fun but if your self esteem is low, then just be careful, don't give too much of your self emotionally or physically too soon. Not harm in talking and testing the waters to begin with.

AprilShowers29 Tue 11-Aug-20 08:04:28

Thank you! :-)

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spiritedawai Tue 11-Aug-20 08:18:03

I have a 21 month old and have just started dating again wink if OLD, brave yourself! But sure, why not!!

AprilShowers29 Tue 11-Aug-20 09:16:21

spiritedawai

I have a 21 month old and have just started dating again wink if OLD, brave yourself! But sure, why not!!

Oh God, is OLD bad? 😂 Give me a heads up grin

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spiritedawai Tue 11-Aug-20 09:20:23

Lots of people are cool until they find out you have kids and ghost you (some don't mind though), I've had 2 people ask to go on a date then say something along the lines of 'ive never been with a black girl before, yummy' hmm. Then there are the dick pics. Messaging then never replying. Even had one not turn up for a planned date once!

Best advice is to take everything with a pinch of salt, don't get overly invested too early, and have fun (but be safe too!).

AprilShowers29 Tue 11-Aug-20 09:27:56

spiritedawai

Lots of people are cool until they find out you have kids and ghost you (some don't mind though), I've had 2 people ask to go on a date then say something along the lines of 'ive never been with a black girl before, yummy' hmm. Then there are the dick pics. Messaging then never replying. Even had one not turn up for a planned date once!

Best advice is to take everything with a pinch of salt, don't get overly invested too early, and have fun (but be safe too!).

Oh wow! 😂 Thanks for the advice. How do you find dating with a little one? My life is pretty much all about the children so it will seem strange giving some of my attention to another person!

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Tue 11-Aug-20 09:30:29

If your self-esteem is low, OLD can make it a lot worse, so yes, you do need to be cautious with it. I think in your shoes, it could be better to expand your chances by joining meet-up groups or trying activities you are interested in. Much better to meet IRL without any dating pressure and if you're doing an activity you enjoy, it's a win-win, whatever the outcome. This may take longer, but you are young, there's plenty of time.

AprilShowers29 Tue 11-Aug-20 10:15:00

Thanks for the advice, that does seem like a good option. I will have a look in to activities on offer.

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spiritedawai Tue 11-Aug-20 10:24:09

To be honest, the way I go about it is I always agree to meeting up as mates and seeing what happens. This works really well for me as it takes a lot of the pressure off and if it doesn't work out, you can remain friends afterwards (or not if you don't want to!). I find the idea of meeting someone and simply looking only for love a bit odd as it adds so much pressure and anxiety.

I don't advertise that I have kids on my profile as I worry it could attract weirdos, but I am honest about it fairly early on once I've got a feel for someone. I brace myself beforehand for them disappearing.

I actually had one response from a guy who said he didn't want to date someone with kids but would love to go for a drink as mates. We talk all the time now. No feelings involved, just mates.

Be yourself and don't try and change your responses too much to suit the other person and what you think they want to hear. I used to do this as I was so anxious they wouldn't like me. Now I am much more confident and am really excited to eventually find someone who actually likes who I am.

Good luck OP!

AprilShowers29 Tue 11-Aug-20 10:45:44

spiritedawai

To be honest, the way I go about it is I always agree to meeting up as mates and seeing what happens. This works really well for me as it takes a lot of the pressure off and if it doesn't work out, you can remain friends afterwards (or not if you don't want to!). I find the idea of meeting someone and simply looking only for love a bit odd as it adds so much pressure and anxiety.

I don't advertise that I have kids on my profile as I worry it could attract weirdos, but I am honest about it fairly early on once I've got a feel for someone. I brace myself beforehand for them disappearing.

I actually had one response from a guy who said he didn't want to date someone with kids but would love to go for a drink as mates. We talk all the time now. No feelings involved, just mates.

Be yourself and don't try and change your responses too much to suit the other person and what you think they want to hear. I used to do this as I was so anxious they wouldn't like me. Now I am much more confident and am really excited to eventually find someone who actually likes who I am.

Good luck OP!

Thanks, you've been really helpful! :-)

OP’s posts: |

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