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My Dh's wrist watch is driving a wedge between us...

(145 Posts)
artichokes Tue 02-Oct-07 21:04:48

... it is a very expensive watch and he loves it. He could never afford another watch like it. Thing is it was a gift from his ex. She got in engraved on the back "To X, I love you every second, Y".

I hate the fact that we are married and have a baby but everywhere we go this memento of his last love comes with us. They are not in touch anymore and I am not worried he still loves her but I find this inordinately annoying.

Am I being unfair, obsessive and mad or do people agree that it is weird for him to keep the watch irrespective of how nice it is?

bristols Tue 02-Oct-07 21:06:07

I would feel the same. It would be like you walking around wearing your exes engagement/wedding ring. Could he not sell it and use the funds to but another one?

foofi Tue 02-Oct-07 21:06:29

Can you get the engraving scratched out or smoothed over?

JackieNo Tue 02-Oct-07 21:06:40

Might it be possible to get the message erased, or would he insist on keeping it? Would that help, if he did?

Spidermama Tue 02-Oct-07 21:07:32

I wouldn't have it. I'd let him keep it in a drawer somewhere but I wouldn't want him wearing it all the time.

ha ha - this is like the bloody stuffed dinosaur that dp keeps (god I hope she doesn't read this thread) - her ex made it for her and ds1 loves it.

It's utterly petty and I know dp and her ex aren't in love any more (best friends of course though - that's what lesbians do), but it still irks me...

Artichokes - have you told him it bugs you? And does it bug you enough to be really really bothered about it? After all, you've got the husband and the baby... How about buying him a new watch for Christmas - even if it isn't as expensive - or is that too obvious?!

Spidermama Tue 02-Oct-07 21:08:38

I wouldn't bother getting the message changed either. It's still the watch she bought him and therefore a symbol of their love whether or not the message is there.

Sell, sell, sell.

No I wouldn't get the message scratched out - feels too petty and it's not worth going to the trouble. I think asking him to put it away is a good idea.

artichokes Tue 02-Oct-07 21:12:48

DH knows how much it bothers me and he did today he did finally offer to get the message scratched over (thats some progress after 5 years of pressure). However, as Spidermama says, even without the message it is still a token of her love for him. IMO it is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I know it is petty and meaningless. I have the ring, the baby and the lovely DH who is perfect in 98% of ways. But I still hate the watch. I bought him a nice Calvin Klien one last Xmas and he still wears her one. I hate, hate, hate it.

theSelfishMan Tue 02-Oct-07 21:22:43

Heh.

While I can (truly) understand your attitude, I must say that the "guy" point of view on this sort of thing is that the watch lost any emotional connotations once him and the ex split, and your insistence in getting rid of it probably comes across.. err.. a bit mad as a sack full of cats over the top - sorry.

That said - if it really annoys you that much (and he knows it), how about being proactive about it - find out how much you can flog it for, and see what you can do about buying him a new kick-ass watch - from you ?

Ah. Didn't know you'd bought him one and he doesn't wear it - now that would get me angry..!

But the Selfishman speaks the truth - I'm sure men just don't see it the way we do. It won't have the same emotional attachment to your dh.

Is he still in touch with his ex? If he isn't, I can imagine him thinking it's perfectly logical and reasonable to wear the watch and occasionally remember her (although even that might be pushing it for a bloke). But I'm sure he's not wearing it with fluttering heart and all that - he just won't be.

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 02-Oct-07 21:30:14

It is just a watch.

I'm fairly certain that when he looks at it, all he thinks is "oh, its <insert number> o'clock", and not "oh, my love token from x, oh how I miss her and her innate ability to buy long-lasting gifts"

I think you should forget about the watch.

LazyLinePUMPKINJane Tue 02-Oct-07 21:31:02

I would say to him that you could save up and buy a replacement for it, you know how much he loves the watch, as long as he puts it away.

LazyLinePUMPKINJane Tue 02-Oct-07 21:31:56

Just to add, that is what I would do in your shoes, as it bothers you.

I would ignore the watch.

moondog Tue 02-Oct-07 21:32:37

God you mad lot!
Let the poor bloke wear it in peace. It's only a watch.
I've got lots of things given to me by old bfs and dh doesn't mind a bit.
hmm

iota Tue 02-Oct-07 21:32:45

VVV I think you are right - I'd still hate it though

scarymum Tue 02-Oct-07 21:41:15

it's a watch. It's not his engagement/wedding ring.

big fuss over nothing.

moondog Tue 02-Oct-07 21:43:09

When my aunt got married again,she had her first wedding ring fashioned into a heart which she wore on a chain around her neck.
We were unanimous in thinking that it was in spectaculalry bad taste but her new dh didn't mind.

Not a blood relative I hasten to add. grin

pipo Tue 02-Oct-07 21:47:16

don't stress,it is just a watch - I have used the same wedding ring for both my weddings - it is just a ring. none of this stuff about stuff matters.

ToadieG1 Tue 02-Oct-07 21:47:19

It would bother me a lot.

artichokes Tue 02-Oct-07 21:47:25

Its not just a watch. To me it is a token of his only other significant love. That token is worn by him with pride each day. It is one of the first objects ever to touch our DD. It is pretty much the only material possession that he really cares about. I hate it.

I must underline that I am not a jealous person. I have no fears about his fidelity and I certainly don't worry that his heart still flutters for his ex. I doubt he ever thinks about her when he sees the watch. But the thing is that he knows it bothers me, he knows I made the effort to buy a new watch, and yet he never wears my watch and ignores my feelings about this watch.

The Selfishman does probably speak sense but he does not cover what a man is thinking when he chooses to ignore something that he knows really upsets his partner.

scarymum Tue 02-Oct-07 21:48:34

someone I worked with had her three stone engagement ring from first marriage made into earrings and a pendent which she wore on her wedding day to second husband.

ToadieG1 Tue 02-Oct-07 21:50:17

Personally I think "things" do matter and that they do hold personal attachment and energy from that relationship. I don't see items as just things but they hold emotions.

Artichokes sad Can you have a Serious Talk with him to explain that you know it's a bit bonkers but that it really upsets you when he knows it bothers you but still wears it.

It's tricky because an already tricky thing turns into a huge enormous big tricky thing.

I'd still go with trying to ignore it and get past feeling hurt, but it's easier said than done and I do empathise. (Dp's ex also made us pillowcases one year and that took quite a bit of getting my head around...)

artichokes Tue 02-Oct-07 21:52:57

Oh dear...

Reading over my comments below I think I come across as rather unhinged. I am not. I promise.

Maybe it is just a watch. Although I agree with Toadie's last post I think maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I should make more of an effort to see it as a simple watch.

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