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First date with your long term partner

(22 Posts)
heartmadeofglass Mon 10-Aug-20 08:08:31

Hi All
Went on a first date last night with a really nice guy who I have been texting with a few weeks. He has been out of the dating scene with years so I suspect he was fairly nervous meeting. Due to COVID he just sat into my car and we talked for about one and a half hours.
He seems like a nice guy and I think I'll meet him for a second date but there definitely wasn't any fireworks. He spoke of general things and asked me hardly anything about myself. I think this may just be nerves. He is definitely interested cause he was texting after the date.
Did anyone else just think their first date went just ok when they met their long term partner?

OP’s posts: |
MizMoonshine Mon 10-Aug-20 08:22:48

My DP kissed me like he had never kissed before in his life.

BraveGoldie Mon 10-Aug-20 08:59:29

Yes OP. I liked him but he talked and talked and talked! I just sat there and smiled! Much later, he told me he was incredibly nervous and kept hoping something he said would get a response from me, I would jump in and start talking, but I am not the jumping in type. I wait for a pause and wait to be asked a question then I speak..... so I basically didn't. He was increasingly desperately searching for things to say, while I was sitting there thinking he was sexy, liking him, but wondering if he was ever going to stop! 😂 He jokingly refers to our first date as "the job interview". A few weeks later, after a couple more dates, he started saying very extravagant things about loving each other through our lives, and I just wasn't feeling that intensely yet, so I backed right off for several months before realizing that nobody else came close to how I felt when I was with him.

Almost three years on, He is the most wonderful, gorgeous, attentive, sexy, giving partner ever - and he truly doesn't talk too much in real life! I have never been happier. And all the gushy things he said so early on are coming true. He was just ahead of the curve, while I needed time to open up to a really powerful connection.

So I think it's definitely worth persevering for now. There are real deal breakers early - if he shows himself to be dishonest, unkind etc..., but the general passion/ fit vibe can definitely explode later! smile

Cherrybakewellll Mon 10-Aug-20 09:03:14

My now DH kissed me nervously at the end of our first date (to see a comedian) but he kissed me like he would kiss his grandma confused then he literally couldn't get out the door fast enough due to embarrassment.
It's funny looking back now because we have quite a passionate relationship like that so it makes it even more laughable.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 10-Aug-20 09:23:13

These answers are interesting. There's so so many men out there on online dating that I've been sacking off anyone immediately with no sparks on first date. Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty.

allfalldown47 Mon 10-Aug-20 09:26:03

The memory of our first date still makes me smile/blush.
We literally stayed out until the morning, we went for drinks, then to a late bar, then to somewhere for a coffee at 4am and then sat under a tree for hours!

The chemistry was insane. Like nothing I've ever experienced. I was always cynical about the whole weak at the knees thing but that was exactly what it was like when we first kissed.
I'd pay a lot of money to experience that night again, it was bloody magical!!!

Menora Mon 10-Aug-20 09:32:17

I am currently with someone who we started off as friends. Our dates were just friends. Nothing romantic or sexual just a lot of fun and laughter. I was thinking do we fancy each other? By date 4 I couldn’t handle the friend zone anymore and the passion began to spark now we cannot keep our hands off each other 😂

Menora Mon 10-Aug-20 09:35:05

Spark should not just be a physical reaction to their looks. A spark can be a connection of humour and personality. I also looked at the things about him I did find attractive before we met - he has a really attractive voice

JorisBonson Mon 10-Aug-20 09:58:43

We went to cocktail bar on a Tuesday night and drank it dry. I launched myself at him outside, and he was sick on the train home.

Getting married in October.

Foreverlexicon Mon 10-Aug-20 10:26:13

Mine lasted 26 hours (and we didn’t even have sex) and I barely got a word in edgeways. DP gets verbal diarrhoea when she’s nervous 😂 I had a great time but was very worried that she thought I was boring as I barely spoke!

Together a year at the weekend and both absolutely smitten and have the most fantastic relationship.

Bubbletrouble43 Mon 10-Aug-20 10:38:52

My DP made me laugh before we even went on our first date - comments he made on chat ( we met online) and on the phone. I wasn't madly attracted to his photo, obviously not repelled though - and wasn't sure if I would feel sexually attracted to him in RL. Within half an hour I was smitten. He literally won me over with his humour and he was much more attractive in RL than in his photo - never judge a photo! Fwiw he's still the funniest person I know and makes me laugh every day even when he's pissing me off. Our first kiss was out of this world too.

Bubbletrouble43 Mon 10-Aug-20 12:50:56

Can I just add I think its unfair to judge someone on their ability to perform sparks on a date that is sitting in a car... I think a date has to have something going on to give you something to attempt to bond over. A meal, drinks, a film or a show for instance. Anything really. A friend of mine constantly has failed dull first dates, every single one is a daytime coffee in a quiet coffee shop. I think you have to give the date a chance by doing something, anything, to kick start things and give it a chance of being enjoyable, personally. Not sure myself or dp would have been great company just having a cup of coffee together.

Menora Mon 10-Aug-20 13:25:27

You also don’t need to just meet up to have fun either. And fun is important. BF and I played a lot of online games together on video or set silly challenges for fun (like taskmaster challenges) and this was something completely different from usual dates where you almost interview each other

gutentag1 Mon 10-Aug-20 13:31:05

The first thing DP said to me in real life was "cunt!" smile he was sat at a table outside waiting for me and I snuck up behind him, whispered "hi" into his ear and scared the life out of him. Ah romance.

Bubbletrouble43 Mon 10-Aug-20 13:40:18

Another first date memory, I deliberately chose an out of the way pub in a different town for our first meeting ( incase he was a monster) but of course also having a drink in there was a ( very nosy and talkative) friend from a hobby group. Typical. She kept me talking for about 15 minutes before I'd even made my way over to his table.

Bubbletrouble43 Mon 10-Aug-20 13:44:02

@gutentag1
Hilarious! Is it wrong that at that point I would have thought "yep, he's the one" 🤣

ravenmum Mon 10-Aug-20 13:47:13

Never had fireworks on a first date, but have always had some sort of interest or je ne sais quoi. Just a feeling that this person is a bit more interesting than the others. When I've tried dating people again without that, the second date has just confirmed that I'm not that interested.

BurtsBeesKnees Mon 10-Aug-20 13:48:45

My first date with my dh we just talked and talked and talked, went for a walk and then sat in a pub, he really made me laugh and we have a similar sense of humour. Our second date had me crying with laughter as we ended up doing a quiz in the pub and we were both equally shit.

Not necessarily sparks but I knew I found him attractive and I knew I liked him as a person too

Sofasogood1 Mon 10-Aug-20 13:49:33

DP and I met for a coffee one afternoon. I felt a bit meh about it but he was picking up on my interests and suggesting things for the second date so I went for it. Managed half the suggested second date plans but it all went a bit tits after the cocktail bar... Basically got hammered. Subsequent dates were great fun too.

StormBaby Mon 10-Aug-20 13:52:58

The guy I was with for a few years before I met my now DH there was no wow factor, no spark, I kissed him and felt nothing. I ended up giving another chance because I felt sorry for him and before I knew it, I had a cock lodger.

When I met my DH for coffee, we walked round the corner to meet and it was like something out of the movies, literal fireworks. He’d say the exact same if you asked him, and even now 5 years plus later we can’t even walk past that spot without getting giddy. I kissed him on the railway platform and knew instantly I’d met my soulmate.

bottlenose301 Mon 10-Aug-20 14:31:39

I wasn't sold on my first date. We had a nice time but I always feel awkward in those situations. We did have a laugh but I do remember looking at my date thinking 'do I fancy you?'. But nearly 3 years later we are still together.
I think what did it for me is although I didn't feel a massive spark, we had been getting on so well having several hours long phone calls prior and sparked in that way and I'm so glad we went for a second date (and more!)

BlueBoar Mon 10-Aug-20 14:39:20

I was instantly attracted to DP - tall, looked like his photo, lovely voice, smelled great. We were only going to have a pint but ended up having dinner and three pints! We talked about so many things and had a chaste peck on the cheek as he was full of the cold - didn’t stop me catching it off him though!

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